Sorry for the lack of posting yesterday. Tuesday is normally an easy day for blogging, just throw up some photos from Monday’s Hash. But then things got weird.

How weird? Well, the ex-GF showing up to the Hash weird. Granted, she’s got the right and I don’t begrudge her that. She is friends with some of the female Hashers after all. It was a short trail and she was up ahead of me for almost all the hike. Back at the On-Home, she’d fetch me a beer when I was empty but didn’t spend much time with me and I was fine with that too. I left before the circle activities were completed because they ran out of light beer and I’d probably had enough to drink anyway. The ex followed me out of the Hash. Well, the way home did go past her house so I could understand it. When we got to her place she said she wanted to come home with me and see the dogs. I told her no and kept on walking. I was surprised when I looked back and saw she was following me. So I stopped and asked her what was up. She again said she wanted to stay with me. I told her no, that’s not going to happen. After a little back and forth, I walked off alone.

The whole thing threw me for a loop so I decided to pop into “Gomans” for a beer to clear my mind. The ex started sending text messages that I tried to ignore. And then Jessa messaged me which was a pleasant distraction. Meanwhile, I kept on drinking. And I don’t remember much after that. I got home safely and before curfew so there’s that.

I felt like shit yesterday but I got my visa renewed and went grocery shopping. The ex messaged me an apology and said she was going to sell all her stuff (most of which I bought for her) and move back to Manila. I wished her good luck. Apparently, in my drunkenness the night before I had invited Jessa to the house. I wasn’t really in the mood to see anyone but I felt bad because her side of town had a scheduled all day “brownout” while the electric company did maintenance. So, I kept the date. She arrived in the early afternoon and I grilled up some hamburgers for lunch.

After our meal, we watched some TV. I had some hair of the dog that bit me (beer) and started feeling a little better. Jessa drank wine. I’m not sure who started feeling frisky first, but after awhile we were making out on the couch. She’s a passionate kisser, I’ll grant her that. Things were heating up and I invited her to come to my bedroom, but she declined saying she is not ready yet. Okay then. It was reminiscent of those days with my high school girlfriend–getting all fired up but then no follow-through. I told her as much and she just laughed and said “next time”.

We watched some more TV and continued drinking. Then with curfew fast approaching I told her I would walk her out to the trike stand to get a ride back home. As we walked I could tell she was quite inebriated. A few minutes down the road she surprised me, saying she wanted to spend the night, provided I promise to abide by her no intercourse dictate. Gentleman that I am I did so and kept my vow. It was hard though. *ahem*

Anyway, Jessa likes to cuddle and it was nice to have a warm body next to me again. I woke up early as usual but she stayed in bed until almost eight. Made my standard bacon, egg, and toast breakfast for her which she seemed to enjoy. I walked Jessa and the dogs to the trike stand and gave her a peck goodbye. And that was that.

I’ve been out of sorts all day today and I’m not exactly sure why. For some reason, I’m feeling bad for the ex, sympathy for her situation perhaps or maybe just missing the good parts of what we shared. Jessa is much more passionate and I’m almost certain she’ll give me a better girlfriend experience, but I don’t know what is making me hesitate. Maybe it is just too soon. Anyway, I’ll figure it out eventually I suppose.

How messed up am I? Well, I haven’t done any walking for two days now which is a big deal for me. I’ll try and get back with the program tomorrow.

It’s all so strange.