Life goes on until it doesn’t, so I tried to get some living in yesterday. I picked up my electrocardiogram results from the hospital in the morning, but there is STILL no cardiologist available to review them and consult with me for my surgery clearance. Truth be told, though, I’m not sure now is the time to go under the knife. I have a hard time sleeping at night because lying down exacerbates my cough. What happens when I’m unconscious on my back with a tube down my throat?
I restocked the groceries for another week with an excursion to the Royal supermarket. Then, I got a long overdue haircut. Back home, I baked up a batch of brownies, and at beer o’clock, I walked to Baloy Beach for my weekly floating bar experience.
A pleasant couple of hours chillin’ on the water. Erik joined me shortly before I departed for his first experience on the floating bar.
I did my nightcap at Da’Kudos and enjoyed chatting with Jessa, who is now the bartender there. When I first moved here, I lived on Baloy, and Jessa worked at Treasure Island. She was my first Filipina crush as a resident, and we dated a few times before I fucked things up by being me. Still, sitting and reminiscing with her about the old times was nice.
I made it until almost 8 p.m. before catching a trike for home. Got in nearly 10,000 steps yesterday, which ain’t bad for a no-hike Tuesday. I felt like I had taken a big step forward on the road to recovery. And then I experienced a sleep-deprived night because of coughing while prone. I’m using my nebulizer and oxygen on a regular basis, but alas, I just now checked my blood oxygen level, and it is lower than ever.
Oh, well. Nothing to be done but keep on keepin’ on and hope for the best.
Everything changes as you grow older.
I’m going to attempt the Hideaway feeding later this afternoon. I’ll do my best to pace myself when I’m steppin’ out.
What happens when I’m unconscious on my back with a tube down my throat?
With a tube down your throat, at least your airway won’t be blocked! That said, your breathing and lethargy issues are concerning, and those things need to be brought up at your next consultation, whenever that might be.
My view upon boarding the raft
Beautiful shot.
I’ve got lots of time to think and plenty to think about.
Dude, you’re a good fella, but you’re one of the most incurious people I know (unless you’re wondering what’s under a twenty-something’s dress). Why not create projects and set goals for yourself? Are there classes you can take & new things to learn? Of course there are. Are there places to visit, with new things to see and eat? You’re in the Philippines, for God’s sakes, so there’s got to be a million things you could be doing. Satisfaction and contentment can be covers for sheer laziness and inertia—the acceptance that one is in a rut, with no inclination of ever getting out of it. That’s how you end up in bed and dead.
I know you’re going through a rough patch with breathing & energy problems right now, but maybe use this down time to formulate some “When I get back on my feet” plans. There’s a whole life to be lived, and it’s not just goddamn bars. The longer you remain inert, the more likely it is, later on, that you’ll have regrets of the “I could’ve done this” or “I could’ve seen that” sort. I’ve long respected your choice to be a Hasher—I think routine walking is an excellent activity that gets you out and about. But that other half of your life just seems to be about drinking your life away, and while there’s nothing inherently wrong with downing a cold one (or several) and socializing with friends (paid or unpaid), you’re racking up a huge opportunity cost full of would’ves, could’ves, and should’ves.
I realize this all probably falls on deaf ears. If you’ve trained yourself to be incurious over the years, it’s probably too late to overcome that conditioning.
My brothers went to the same high school I did. Unlike me, they both studied music. There was a music teacher there at the time named Miss Kervick (spelling?). She was a big advocate for not being a mere parasite, a mere consumer of culture. Be a producer of culture, she’d say in her speeches to the audience before an orchestral performance. “Be a producer” can be interpreted in different ways, but she was essentially telling us not merely to be passive, but to be active, curious, and working toward self-fulfillment. Don’t just listen to music: make music. To your credit, you’ve got this blog, which is one way to produce and not merely consume. But what else can you be doing to continue to learn and grow? Take up painting? Plan and execute a long hike or a food tour? Become a video content creator? Write a book based on the insights you gained while working in HR?
The sky’s the limit.
Shalom, John, shalom.
Sorry to hear about your multitude of health woes. Might I suggest hiring a helper to take the dogs for walks, continue your feedings of seemingly insatiable bar girls, picking up your imported American foods, and so on?
And while your helper is helping you, perhaps Kevin Kim is right. A bit of Kabbalah study never hurt anyone; in fact, I’d say it’s only benefited those who have undertaken the holy task of plunging into its mysteries.
Good luck, and may the light of Gabriel illuminate you.
“The only way to the beach that does not involve swimming”. Have you ever seen anyone swimming to or from the floating bar? If not, maybe you could be a trend-setter.
“Everything changes as you grow older”. Thanks for reminding me. I always fancy myself as a bottle of wine.
I believe you’ve gotten some advice on taking up a hobby. Let me share my experience McCrarey. My yobo suggested I sign up for dance lessons. I refused and when she asked me why I told her, “I just don’t like to do things I’m not good at”. To which she replied, “then why you keep fucking me”?
Peace Out!
Kevin, thanks as always for your insights and suggestions. I’m curious: why do you think I’m incurious? Seriously, though, there is more I could be doing with my life, and travel is one of the things I had intended to do much more frequently in my retired life. Once I get back on my feet, that will be a priority.
I think I’ve slowed down and lost some of my curiosity as I’ve aged. I used to read books all the time; now, I can’t even remember the last time I turned a page. Same with movies and other media that make you think–I just don’t have the patience and attention span to make it through most of them anymore. I guess when I retired, I shut down my curiosity.
Oddly enough, I don’t feel a lot of emptiness or boredom. My routines may be mundane, but they are mostly satisfying. My typical day consists of getting up between four and five in the morning and spending a couple of hours reading the news via my favorite blogs. Then I walk the dogs. If I’m going to cook, I’ll throw something in the crockpot. Then, I hike for a couple of hours, either alone or with the group. I take a one-hour nap around noon, then spend a couple of hours writing a daily post here at LTG. Then, I shower and prepare myself for my evening on the town, which sometimes includes dinner in addition to the bar visits. My bar time starts after 4 p.m. and ends around 8:00. I’m almost always in bed by nine.
So, this life of mine might be shallow, but for the most part, it is satisfying. In fact, this recent bout of incapacitation has made me appreciate the routine and mundane things I’m not currently able to do. I see pictures of people walking the paths through the hills I used to enjoy, and I really miss those times. As Joni Mitchell sang long ago, “Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone…”
I’ve always been impressed with your energy and curiosity levels. Watching all those videos on YouTube that cover a universe of subjects would fry my brain, I fear. It might just be a case of “to each his own.” Anyway, for me right now, recovering my health is my first priority.
Thanks again for your thought-provoking comment.
Thanks, Goldberg. I have a caregiver-helper and she handles the chores I can’t do when I’m ill, including the dog walks. She also does the heavy lifting at the grocery store; my job is to pay. She’s not qualified to assume my role as keeper of the bargirls, so that’s on me.
I really have almost zero interest in religious topics. Although for some reason, though, I’ve been speculating about heaven lately. The Biblical heaven seems like hell to me, and I’m thinking perhaps heaven is tailored to suit the individual. In other words, when we pass from this life, we get to choose our own heaven. I’ve thought that perhaps the heaven I would choose would be a “do-over life.” I’d go back a relive my life knowing what I know now and avoiding some of the mistakes and fuck ups. Of course, I’m quite certain there would be new ways to screw things up, but that’s life, right?
“then why you keep fucking me”?
That’s hilarious, Soju!
People go swimming off the floating bar all the time (so do the girls who work there), but I can’t say I’ve seen anyone swim to shore. It might be a good way to get out of a tab full of lady drinks, though.
Why do I think you’re incurious? We can start with the lack of interest in foreign foods, especially as evinced during your recent trip to Thailand. Despite talking often about traveling, it rarely seems to happen except once in a blue moon. On a more personal note, you’ve said that you read back 24 hours on my blog to make sure you’ve missed nothing, but the lack of reaction to two of the movie reviews I’d schedule-published during my walk (here and here) seems to indicate you couldn’t be bothered to check back for them.* I’m not incensed about that or anything; it’s just that you normally react right away to movie reviews, so it’s noticeable when you don’t, and at a guess, it’s because you missed they were even there. (Thanks for the latest reaction, by the way.)
But as I said, I think these thoughts are falling on deaf ears. You’ve got your default routine, and that’s enough.
Your commenter Goldberg suggested Kabbalah study. That would require a massive retooling of your truncated attention span, but it would be amazing to behold if you did actually embark on such an effort.
__________
*I’ll give you a pass for missing my “The Equalizer 3” review because you were writing about severe breathing problems at the time. Your lungs obviously come first.
The “I’m curious why you think I’m incurious” line was my failed attempt at humor. I understand what you are saying and can’t dispute the fact that I’ve grown increasingly lazy intellectually over the years.
I’ve read and commented on both reviews now and apologize for the oversight. In a weird way, my appreciation of your reviews proves your point–I’d rather read your take on a film than invest the time and energy to actually watch it in most cases. There are exceptions, though, the most recent being The Ballad of Buster Scruggs.
I did look up Kabbalah to see what it was, but reading the Wikipedia entry is likely as far as my study of this subject will go. More evidence to support your contention that my lack of curiosity is indisputable.