“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd – The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.”

― Fernando Pessoa

Another day. I kinda liked the way this one started for me though.

This is going to basically be a Hash post with a little twist. I didn’t do Günter’s (Vienna Sausage) trail having kept my vow of “never again” risking life and limb when he’s the Hare. Looking at the map of his hike though I can see there would have been no danger (other than wet feet from the rice paddy) and a single sane climb I’ve done before. Ah well, better safe than sorry I suppose.

So when I started out on my personal Hash it was just me and My Bitch.

I dropped off some candy and cookies for the mountain family, then continued on my way. And lo and behold, I encountered a group of Hashers coming up from the valley below. At the time I thought maybe I had inadvertently intersected with Günter’s trail but it turns out this bunch was doing their own Hash too. I happily joined the cadre and continued on with them to our On-Home.

Only about an hour from my house to the On-Home at Derelick’s place on Rizal Extension. With the noon start and early finish, I had too much time for beer drinking early in the afternoon. Oh well, it is a once a week indulgence I suppose.

Things did get a little weird. My ex is a Hasher and was there as usual, although she pretty much stays away from me. I’m okay with that and we are still on friendly terms. But then I was surprised when Iline showed up. My ex (who has always been jealous of Iline) gave me a look that seemed to say “I knew it!”. Although actually Iline kept her distance from me as well. We’d talked about the need to maintain the guise of just being friends out of respect for her relationship and to avoid the Filipina love of gossip. That’s fine by me.

At the conclusion of the circle, I made my way to Sit-n-Bull for some dinner. I was pretty drunk at this point and don’t even recall what I ordered. I also don’t have a clear memory of getting home, but I did, safe and sound. Was in bed before 8 p.m. in fact.

Did my grocery shopping this morning and was pleasantly surprised to be allowed on the base without questioning. I had heard they were going back on a strict residents only lockdown. Manila went back to “enhanced quarantine” status effective today but thankfully that did not include Zambales/Olongapo. Yet anyway.

After leaving the supermarket I had my driver swing by the Harbor Pointe mall. They have a Merrill shoe store there. Alas, that store was closed. It was almost heartbreaking to see all that fine footwear on display. So close, but so far away. I guess I’ll see what I can find online, although I’m loathe to purchase shoes I haven’t tried on. Desperate times call for desperate measures I suppose.

Speaking of desperate, Mary was burning up my phone again this morning. I continue to ignore her, but now she has resorted to begging me for money because her child is hungry. That pulls at my heartstrings I admit, but I’m just not willing to open that door. I know where it leads–to the land of endless “emergencies”. Nope, not going there.