I am guilty of cowardice and I’m not afraid to admit it.

In an odd turn of events, I heard from Jessa last night. Well, I guess technically when you are doing a messenger chat you aren’t “hearing” anything. But you know what I mean. And it was probably the best chat we ever had–either before, during, or after our aborted romance. I guess she had picked up from my Facebook posts that I’ve experienced a relationship failure. “Again?” she inquired, not entirely without sympathy. Then she wanted to know if I really meant it this time and if I was really going to finally let go of this one for good. I assured her that was my intention. She wished me good luck but admitted she didn’t completely believe me.

Then we talked about her and what she’s been doing (recently returned from Saudi Arabia) and about us, or more specifically, our failed attempt at beginning a relationship. And the quote I used at the top of this post came to mind. But the past is the past and until I can make my fantasy of time travel a reality, the past cannot be changed. But I was honest in telling Jessa that looking back I would have done things differently. She didn’t seem particularly impressed with my newly discovered insights but did offer me some much-needed encouragement as I plod forward into an unknown future. And I did appreciate that. I asked her if she was seeing anyone and she responded that she is “talking” to a guy. I took that to mean one of those overseas/long-distance romances that are so prevalent here. I also took it to mean that my future would not be including her. Ah well.

The other thoughts I have had involve why this latest failure bothers me so much. It really shouldn’t because I had not invested much emotion into the relationship. Yeah, my routines are out of kilter now and Lucky is especially bummed out, but that will pass. It occurs to me that what is going on is tantamount to having the old scabs and scar tissue torn away from the wounds of the past. The ones that actually did cut deep and were life-changing. A reminder that some things break and can never be completely repaired.

I’ll figure it out. In the meantime, here’s today’s “interesting” photograph:

And that’s where things stand with me today.