I had another one of those out-loud conversations with myself in the wee hours of the morning. It went something like this:

Me: Am I alive or dead?

The voice in my head: Dead.

Me: So, is this place I’m in heaven or hell?

The voice in my head: Both.

I’m not sure what the takeaway from that exchange is supposed to be (other than evidence that I’m clinically insane), but there you have it. Nothing to do but keep on keepin’ on, so that’s my plan.

I had a good time at Hideaway last night, as evidenced by my bar tab of over 3000 pesos; I usually only spend a third of that amount. The difference was buying lady drinks for the other girls as well as Joy. I also splurged on the feeding, spending another 1200 on the giant tacos from The Coffee Shop restaurant. I guess I was just in one of those moods, and money doesn’t have much value unless you spend it. And I do enjoy buying those smiles.

After Hideaway, I paid a visit to Cheap Charlies. My regulars were otherwise occupied, but a couple of replacements were soon seated at my side. I didn’t stay long and don’t remember anything of significance, but that’s pretty much the story of this life I’m living.

My Fitbit stats say I went to sleep at 8:30 last night, which is early even by my low standards. Then I woke up at four in the morning and started talking to myself.

The Wednesday Walkers group did a relatively easy trek, mainly on the My Bitch trail. There were six of us all told, including a newcomer named Gen. Yeah, that Gen. She said she was tired at the end but seemed to enjoy herself. Welcome to the group!

And that was the hike.

Yeah, these past few days have been a good reminder of just how lucky I am. I think I’ve finally reached the “I don’t give a shit anymore” level of caring whether or not I have a significant other in my life. I guess you should never say never, but I ain’t gonna waste another minute worrying about it. My life is what it is, and I’ve already had more than my share of lemons.

When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me,
"Come here and take a lesson from the lovely lemon tree."
"Don't put your faith in love, my boy", my father said to me,
"I fear you'll find that love is like the lovely lemon tree."

Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

One day beneath the lemon tree, my love and I did lie
A girl so sweet that when she smiled the stars rose in the sky.
We passed that summer lost in love beneath the lemon tree
the music of her laughter hid my father's words from me:

Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

One day she left without a word. She took away the sun.
And in the dark she left behind, I knew what she had done.
She'd left me for another, it's a common tale but true.
A sadder man but wiser now I sing these words to you:

Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.
Lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.