Another “lazy” Tuesday is behind me, but at least this one featured some minor differences that made it slightly more interesting. Relatively speaking, of course.
In addition to my grocery shopping mission in Olongapo, I needed to get my first visa extension since my return from Cambodia. In the PI, you get thirty days on arrival, and then you can renew your tourist visa periodically for up to three years before being required to exit the country again. The Olongapo immigration bureau only grants a maximum of sixty days for each extension. Other offices, like Manila and Cebu, allow six-month extensions. So, I signed up for my usual two-month extension but was only granted one. Apparently, your first extension can only be for thirty days. At least in Olongapo. Why there are different rules in different offices that are arguably applying a national immigration law is beyond my limited ability to comprehend—just one of the mysteries that make the Philippines such a special place.
After I left immigration, I was tasked with picking up the 2023 Hash calendars from the printer. I don’t know much about Olongapo City streets, but I did have this photograph to work from:
Nothing unusual at the grocery store, other than a couple of “Thanksgiving sale” specials I took advantage of.
I had a headache when I got back home, so I popped some aspirin and took a nap. My mountain mama friend suggested a massage, and I accepted. She focused on my head. Both of them. And it had been a while since I explored her mancave with my fleshlight. A very happy ending, and miraculously, my headache was forgotten when she was done.
When beer o’clock rolled around, I headed out but didn’t really have a destination in mind. I was considering the new bars in town, but it felt too early in the evening to give them a fair review. I had some coupons from the SOB due to expire soon, but I wasn’t sure which one I wanted to use first. As I was passing BarCelona, I thought to myself, “you haven’t been there for a while,” so the decision was made.
The bar wasn’t very busy, so I took a seat at the counter with a nice street view and ordered a beer.
While I had my wallet out, I perused my coupons and decided that the 500 peso voucher was the most valuable one, and it was due to expire the next day. So, I finished my beer and headed over to Queen Victoria.
I had Susan sit with me to provide company during my beer-drinking mission. I met her years ago when she worked on the Arizona floating bar. Her daughter is the girlfriend of the Queen Vic owner. Yeah, if you are doing the math, that makes Susan well into her forties. That’s okay, I have no interest in anything but conversation, and she does okay in that regard. After successfully finishing my fifth beer, I sent Susan up to get my bill for her two lady drinks. I saw the manager talking to her, and then she returned with another beer “on the house.” I always appreciate the gesture, even though I felt obligated to buy Susan a drink while I enjoyed my “freebie.”
I had a “buy a lady drink get a customer drink” I also needed to use and decided that Whiskey Girl right across the highway was the right opportunity. It had been quite a while since my last visit, and I was looking forward to spending some time with my waitress friend Jen. Alas, I was informed she was not working last night. I went to use the CR and had to wait for some guy who was occupying the urinal. When he came out, I was surprised to see it was my old dart league teammate, Mark. It turns out he’s the new manager at Whiskey Girl. I didn’t see any likely candidates for a lady drink, so I just sat with Mark and watched the dancers practicing for Friday’s SOB.
After I finished my beer, I figured putting some food in my belly might be a good idea. Keeping with my unintentional infrequently visited theme, I went to the BBC cafe and ordered some fish and chips for takeout (yeah, I’d had enough beer and was going home).
Anyway, got my order and grabbed a trike waiting out front “going home now, sir John?” I still can’t figure out how everybody seems to know my name in this town. Still, it’s nice not to have to give directions on the ride home.
And then I saw this on Facebook and shared it to my timeline:
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person—without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot he taken by the other, because it is not given by the other. ~Osho
That resonated in my drunken brain for some reason. This morning I saw that my friend Jeremy had a contrary opinion. He left this comment:
I don’t think that equates at all. To say that the other person being in your life is meaningless is describing an aspect of a sociopath. The other person should have an effect on you, and you should be upset if they ever happen to leave because they had that effect on you. It shows that you cared for them, which shows that you’re human.
By the way, that’s a quote from a cult leader.
Maybe that’s why I’m living a loveless life then–I’m a sociopath. And all these years, I thought it was narcissism. Or bad luck.
Anyway, I’m plugging away and making the best of what I do have. Even on dull days like yesterday, I had a pretty good time. Thanks for letting me share it with you.
Do you have the equivalent of Naver Map to help you navigate in the Philippines? I don’t know what I’d do without Naver, which has become a huge crutch for me. I use my Naver Map app to navigate in all sorts of situations: quietly verifying that the taxi driver is taking me to my destination and not using some BS long route, navigating back to an intersection if I’ve skipped a turnoff, calculating remaining distance when I’m on a long walk, etc. Naver Map is mostly for roads and bike paths, but you can even use it on certain mountain trails. Even if the map doesn’t show your particular trail, it’ll show you where on the mountain you are.
A very happy ending, and miraculously, my headache was forgotten when she was done.
Congratulations! Sounds as if there were no breathing problems this time.
From that meat-pie place, I’d be interested in a chicken-mushroom pie plus a Scotch egg. Oh, and definitely a sausage roll, although at $2, it’s probably tiny. So I’d have to order two. And I’d have to come back for the fish and chips although I’d need to bring along some homemade tartar sauce.
There’s nothing sociopathic about that quote. True love is not about neediness or possessiveness. It’s about committing to the spiritual growth of the other while recognizing the other’s autonomy. And the idea of loving without being attached also resonates. Good luck to your friend, who didn’t even understand the quote if he thinks it’s saying the other person is meaningless. That’s not what’s being said at all. Oh, and don’t commit the genetic fallacy of dismissing something just because of the source. If a crazy person says the sun is out, and the sun is really out, then what he said was true regardless of his state of mind. Check statements against reality, not against the speaker.
Punctuation exercise:
They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now.
One of those commas needs to go. Which one, and why? Hint: one comma needs to go for exactly the same reason the other comma has to stay. The same rule applies in each case. I’ll make it easy: Hint 2.
Kev, I’ve used Waze here a couple of times to give my driver directions, but nothing on trail. I know a couple of the Hashers use their GPS and Google Maps when they are looking for alternative routes off-road. I’ll see about downloading Naver to my phone.
Well, I was panting at the end of the “massage” and took a hit from my inhaler, but nothing like those “OMG, I can’t breathe!” moments I’ve experienced in the past. Progress!
Okay, BBC is on the list of places for you to eat when you visit. They do have tartar sauce available on site; I think they forgot to include it with my takeout order (and to be fair, I didn’t think to ask, just assumed it was automatic).
Thanks for the feedback on love and sociopathy. I like your interpretation of that quote much better and agree you have captured the true meaning and intent.
Before I answer your punctuation question, I just want to say it is nice that the bad example is not something I wrote for a change. I’d lose the comma after “freedom.” Why? Just “because.” I didn’t even have to review your linked lesson to figure that out. That should earn me a “shows improvement,” don’t you think?
Oh, I neglected to mention that Naver Map is a Korea-only thing as far as I know. No need for you to download it. I was just wondering whether the PI has an equivalent app for use in country.
Yes, the comma after “freedom” must go. Why? Because the dependent clause isn’t at the head of the complex sentence.
If you do that again, I’ll kill you.
I’ll kill you if you do that again.
I am not sure that the original quote describes a sociopath, but I also disagree with the original quote. What is the purpose of a relationship? I think people enter into a relationship because it makes them and their life better, or at least they think it will make it better. If the relationship benefit is only a “in the moment” thrill, then why enter into a relationship? Just keep it transactional.
“I think I will enter into a relationship, but really don’t care if it works out or not. I can take it or leave it.” An attitude like a recipe for relationship failure.
Just my 2 pesos.
Brian, perhaps the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I can’t go all in unless my partner meets me halfway. But I’m always of the mind to walk away if I can’t be what she needs or wants me to be. I’m not going to pretend…