Or, more precisely, the lack thereof. But hey, I am in the midst of a significant transformation: going from being a “player” to a faithful partner in a relationship. It is all still baby steps so far, but it feels like things are moving in the right direction. Given my history in matters of the heart, there is certainly no guarantee that this will end well, but I’m motivated to not fuck things up by being stupid. Wish me luck!

Yesterday Swan once again accompanied me and my helper on the weekly grocery shopping excursion to the Royal supermarket. And this time, Swan allowed me to purchase a few household items on her behalf. I also bought a case of beer to keep at her place for those nights I visit the house instead of the bars. A jar of instant coffee as well because I plan to join her every morning for a cup of java as part of my new routine. Like I said, small steps for now until she is ready to let go of her past and embrace a future with me.

The landlord is still at the house overseeing the work being done, and Swan feels obligated to stay at home to assist her as needed. So, I was on my own yesterday afternoon and evening. MJ, the mountain mama I support, came by for her allowance and once again asked if she could perform massage services to earn extra money. I told her that I have a girlfriend now, so there would be no more massages. She seemed surprised and a little disappointed but took it in stride. What else could she do?

With nothing better to do on a Tuesday at beer o’clock, I headed into town. First stop was Sloppy Joe’s. Chris and his girl were there as usual, and Jim arrived shortly after I did.

We took turns buying rounds of drinks until the time came for me to go in search of some food. Joy had messaged me while I was at Sloppy Joe’s, and I decided it was time for us to have “the talk.” I stopped at John’s place and ordered some Korean-style chicken wings and beef bulgogi for delivery to Hideaway. When I arrived, I bought Joy a drink and told her I’d begun a relationship and wouldn’t be spending as much time in the bars, including the Wednesday feeding. However, my new girlfriend didn’t object to my continuing the Sunday provision of food. I asked Joy if she was okay with me bringing my girl with me to Hideaway, and she said it was not a problem. In fact, she took the news better than I expected, and I didn’t notice any change in attitude during my visit last night. So, that was a relief.

I drank my fill at Hideaway and then made my way safely home. Some more chat with Swan before bedtime, including announcing my plan to join her for coffee before my hike in the morning. She said she would be happy to prepare it for me, and I responded I would be glad to drink it. A true 50-50 relationship!

I baked a batch of blueberry muffins this morning and took some along for the coffee date. We sat out on the living room porch and enjoyed the view, chitchat, and some of my usual lame jokes. Swan and Alicia (the landlord) laughed in all the right places, though.

And later this afternoon, Swan and Alicia will join me at my current residence for dinner. I’ll be grilling up some steaks and serving them with a baked potato and corn on the cob. I baked a carrot cake for our dessert. Our after-dinner plans include a visit to the Central Park Hotel rooftop. Alicia has never seen the view from there, so she should enjoy it. I’ll be happy to have my sweet girl at my side.

And that is where things stand as of now. Maybe this slow-motion dance we are doing will result in a stronger foundation for our relationship. I care enough about Swan to want her to find her way to my love in a manner that makes her comfortable. I don’t expect her to let go of the past; that’s a big part of who she is. But the welcome mat to a future with me is ready and waiting for her to take that step. I sense that she is feeling more and more comfortable with the idea, so I just need to be patient and wait for her to join me.

I’ll let y’all know how the dinner and night out go in tomorrow’s post.

The main reason I used “Hanky Panky” for today’s post title was that the song came into my head from out of the blue. There is no understanding the way my muddled brain remembers the trivial and forgets the important stuff like vocative commas. Maybe I should just run for president.