I started my Saturday evening with a haircut, then ventured out to Sloppy Joe’s for some beer drinking. It was Chris’ girlfriend Sheriyl’s birthday, so I brought along some brownies. Because we were having an impromptu party, I stuck around longer than I usually would. It was a good time, though.
I offered to get the Sloppy Joe crew some food, and they wanted a pizza. And yes, they preferred the Hawaiian with pineapple. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Filipina order any other flavor.
I had a good time hanging out with my waitress, Amy. She’s upfront about having a boyfriend, but that didn’t stop me from teasing and joking around with her. That’s just my style. I’m also consciously limiting my lady drink purchases, and I’m happy to report that I only bought two during a three-hour visit.
I was feeling no pain when it was time to head out. I decided to check to see if Sit-n-Bull had any pecan pies in stock, but alas, they did not. I settled for a cherry cheesecake to go instead. But before catching a trike, I elected to do my nightcap at Wet Spot. One beer led to two, and then Daddy Dave arrived and sent a freebie to my table, so my stay was longer than intended. Still home before nine, though, but just a tad more inebriated than usual.
The weather has been almost rain-free today, so I got in a pleasant 7K hike. I’ll post the photos from that journey tomorrow. I have my usual Sunday feeding at Hideaway to attend to a bit later this afternoon. We’ll see what happens after that.
I’m in a somewhat better frame of mind re: Swan. My thinking now is to back the hell off and leave it all up to her. If she wants to see me, she’ll let me know. Otherwise, I’ll just go on with my life, such as it is.
It’s a dog’s life sometimes.
It was Chris’ girlfriend Sheriyl’s birthday
“Sheriyl,” huh? I’ll never get over those bizarre spellings.
I offered to get the Sloppy Joe crew some food, and they wanted a pizza. And yes, they preferred the Hawaiian with pineapple. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Filipina order any other flavor.
If it’s done right, Hawaiian pizza can be good. Alas, our local Papa John’s does a horrible Hawaiian. I ordered it once… never again. I stick to their Meat Lovers or to their Spicy Italian (which is almost the same thing, just without the ham).
There was a pizza place close to a building where I used to work. It specialized in New York-style pizza, and for the most part, it was really good. Only thing was you couldn’t get a regular pepperoni there: all they ever sold was pepperoni and pineapple. First time I saw that, I shrugged, bit the bullet, and ate a slice. It tasted fine to me, so I kept ordering it over the next few months, but I’d change things up by ordering some of their other pizzas as well.
I settled for a cherry cheesecake to go instead.
Sounds like a good choice to me.
I’m in a somewhat better frame of mind re: Swan. My thinking now is to back the hell off and leave it all up to her. If she wants to see me, she’ll let me know. Otherwise, I’ll just go on with my life, such as it is.
I worry that “go on with my life” means continuing to be flirty with the girls because that’s “just your style.” Might be better to work on solidifying your commitment to Swan. Right now, it sounds more like, “Well, I’ll just be idling here, off to the side, doing my usual thing while Swan makes up her mind.” I don’t know, but maybe one of the things Swan is quietly looking at is your level of focus and commitment. You can’t strive for settledness while having a roving heart, and casual flirtatiousness—a sign of a roving heart—doesn’t mix with settledness. You might try fooling yourself into thinking there’s no contradiction between between flirty and being committed, but this doesn’t work. You can’t have it both ways. Look at the pattern of broken relationships up to now and ask yourself whether that’s the formula for success.
More positively, I think you’re right to give Swan her breathing space. Losing someone you love isn’t something you get over in a flash, like Crazy Horse losing a steed and leaping right onto another. (Not unless you’re my father, anyway, dealing with grief by not dealing with grief while desperately trying to find someone—anyone—to fill the wife-shaped gap in his soul because he’s too much of a pussy to know how to live alone.) My parenthetical rant aside, it’s wiser to let Swan deal with grief in her own way. On some level, I’m sure she recognizes the future you’re offering her. She doesn’t come off as stupid, from what you’ve written about her. So if you assume she’s aware enough to know what you represent, future-wise, then have faith that she’ll come around eventually. I’m pulling for you.
there’s no contradiction between between flirty
Nuts. “between being flirty…”
Brain farts. A sign of age.
Yeah, the way names are spelled here is bizarre. I’m Jhon, doncha know. Lots of Filipinas spell their names backward on Facebook for some reason, compounding the confusion. I had to translate “Lyirehs” when I wrote her name.
What? You are not getting your pizza at Gino’s? Shame on you!
Well, what you call “flirty” I call barroom banter, usually fueled by alcohol. Is it still flirting if there is zero interest or intent in a fling? It seems I am not currently a priority for Swan, so I’ve got to fill those hours I want to be spending with her somehow. And wishing that I could be somewhere else does suck most of the joy out of my bar time.
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. On the way home from our trip, Swan told me her family would be visiting the house on Saturday and invited me to come and meet them. So, I’m thinking about what I might bring for the potluck. During our Saturday morning coffee, Swan tells me she is going to have dinner on SBMA with some friends of her deceased lover. I asked about the family get-together, and she simply replied, “Oh, I canceled that.” She canceled yesterday’s coffee because she was helping a friend with something (I have no issue with that). She messaged me later, asking if I was attending an RSL event in the afternoon. I responded that I had no plans. I didn’t hear from her again until I was several beers into my night out, telling me she was at the RSL event with her brother and sister and inviting me to join them. No, thanks. Nothing like being an afterthought. Clearly, I’m not a priority with her.
I do respect what Swan is going through, and I’m willing to step aside and give her whatever time she needs. Honestly, I’m not all that confident that when she is ready, she’ll be ready for me. I guess time will tell. But until then, I’m just going to go on living my life mostly the way I have been. No, I won’t date others, accept massages, or engage in other behaviors that would constitute cheating or unfaithfulness. What’s the alternative? To sit home alone waiting for a belated invite? Nope, not my style.
Well, what you call “flirty” I call barroom banter, usually fueled by alcohol. Is it still flirting if there is zero interest or intent in a fling?
“Fueled by alcohol” is never a good thing since the booze makes one more of a village idiot than a village intellect. And would you engage in the banter if your squeeze were right there next to you? And if not, then why not? It’s as much a question of appearances as intentions. How do you look to those around you? There’s a reason why the ladies see you as a player.
Honestly, I’m not all that confident that when she is ready, she’ll be ready for me.
If you’re visiting her every day for a morning coffee, that strikes me as a good thing. You’re only a few months into the one-year mourning, so there’s still a while to go. If you can make it through that with your (and her) virtue intact, you’re home free, I think.
No, thanks. Nothing like being an afterthought. Clearly, I’m not a priority with her.
At this point, I can’t tell whether this is just you losing patience or her de-prioritizing you. I mean, you’ve made it clear how things feel from your perspective, but it’s hard for me, from where I sit, to have a handle on what’s really going on. I guess the fundamental question is whether you still see Swan as “worth it.” If she’s not, then I suppose you ought to respectfully cut her loose, and you can go back to doing your thing (which you seem to be doing, anyway). If she is worth it, then I hope you’ll keep at it, being patient with her while also being self-reflective about your own outlook and behavior (i.e., finding and uprooting the patterns that led to failed relationships in the past).
Don’t give up on Swan quite yet. I think she’ll prove to be a good catch. That was your initial instinct, too. Follow your instinct.
“would you engage in the banter if your squeeze were right there next to you?”
As a matter of fact, I would. Seriously, there is nothing more than going on than a few bad jokes and me being my usual witty self. No sexual innuendo or other inappropriateness at all.
We had a good chat (online) last night, and I raised some of these issues. I got the reassurance I was seeking. She is doing her best and is torn between her feelings for me and her desire to respect her deceased love. I do understand that. I still struggle some with her wanting to avoid the inevitable gossip by being seen out with me in Barretto. I don’t generally give a shit what small-minded people have to say. Anyone who cares about her would be happy for her. Swan sees it differently, so any dates we share will have to be out of town for now.
She is worth it. I’m not giving up!
As a matter of fact, I would. Seriously, there is nothing more than going on than a few bad jokes and me being my usual witty self. No sexual innuendo or other inappropriateness at all.
If you say so. But I seem to remember meeting you at some bar in Itaewon—Shenanigans?—and you practiced one of your few Korean phrases on the bargirl: “Take off your skirt.” I’m sure it was meant as a harmless joke, but stuff like that adds up and becomes a reputation.
But if you’re saying you don’t do anything like that here, well, okay, I guess. You’ll understand that I’m a little bit skeptical, but okay.
Ah, cheema bosoyo! One of the most important phrases I learned in Korean. And just to prove my point, I’ve never learned to say “take your skirt off” in Tagalog! Still, I do recall that woman I used to love getting upset by my “flirty jokes” back in the day. I’ll need to keep my humor in check, I suppose.