Life’s a rollercoaster ride sometimes. Lots of ups and downs and usually a thrill or two along the way. And sometimes a day in the life can feel like that too.

Nothing as nice to see as those, but here is the Relive anyway.

https://www.relive.cc/view/vevYoorP9y6

A trike delivered a little Joy to my place in the afternoon. I’m trying real hard to be accepting of the reality that is my life. I did away with the old FWB program because it felt exploitive and wrong somehow. But a couple of the former participants continue to contact me, desperate for the opportunity to earn some cash. So, it puts me in the position of either denying them outright, letting them come over, or just giving them the cash as a matter of charity. None of those options are especially satisfying–it seems I can either be a prick, a dick, or a sucker. Or a combination of all three. I guess there are worse problems to have.

We said our goodbyes after eating and I moseyed over to It Doesn’t Matter to ponder the circumstances that led to a melancholy outcome. My regulars weren’t around, so I drank alone. I’m okay with that. I didn’t find any answers at the bottom of my beer bottle, so I ordered up another one. That didn’t work either, but I’m no quitter, so I kept trying. Eventually, I realized that the mystery would remain unsolved so I paid my tab and left.

The next stop was BarCelona. My Facebook friend Samantha had advised that she was once again at work. I figured I would welcome her back with a lady drink or two and see if there was any comfort to be found in her company. There was not. I feel sorry for her actually. A young widow who seems lost and showing symptoms of depression (she told me sometimes she just wants to stay in her room and cry all day). Well, I’m probably not going to be able to help her with that. It’s sad though.

Then the school teacher I’ve been exchanging messages with for the past month or so asked if we could meet up that night. This was surprising because I had not seen her in person since the night we were introduced. I was in no condition to do so last night. But what pissed me off was her caveat “will you see me or are you going to reject me again?” WTF? We had been chatting in the morning and in the early afternoon. Maybe if she had indicated then she was interested in joining me, I would have been receptive. Or maybe not. But damn, I don’t like ultimatums and that is what this felt like. So, I chose to “reject” her and I’m probably going to eject her from my life. She’s demonstrated that she is not a good fit for me. My bad mood was now foul. I said goodnight to Sam and headed out.

Where to next? I wasn’t in the mood for any of my regular haunts nor did I desire the company of a bargirl. Given those limited options I decided to visit Outback. It was more crowded than on my previous visits, but I spied an open seat on the far side of the bar. Except it wasn’t open, the floor in front of the chair had shoes and purses belonging to the bargirls. My bartender friend said something I didn’t quite hear but she also didn’t seem interested in having the space cleared. So, I said again “I can’t sit here” and she responded, “just take it home with you”. Alright then, I took that as a pretty clear indicator that my business wasn’t needed or wanted. So, I turned around, said goodbye, and walked out.

Granted, I might have handled the situation differently if I wasn’t already disgruntled. What I had hoped would be a safe space proved to be the opposite. At least I maintained my cool–didn’t shout, didn’t cuss, just left. I sent the bartender a message later though expressing my disappointment and reminding her that when I was the only customer during my last visit I had bought everyone a drink so they’d have at least some commission. She responded with an apology and that what she had said was meant to be a joke. I guess I just didn’t have a sense of humor. Anyway, I have no intention of going back. And in case you are wondering, yes, this is the bartender whose surgery I paid for a few months back. You’re welcome!

I finished out my night at Queen Victoria. Still didn’t want bargirl company, so I pretty much ignored my two regulars there. A Hasher came in a bit after I arrived and we had a nice chat at least. Once I had satiated my thirst I caught a trike home. Wasn’t even nine when I gave up the ghost and hit the sack.

But it is not all bad. Earlier that day I had been introduced online through a mutual friend to another schoolteacher working in Olongapo (a different school, thankfully). We hadn’t had a chance to get beyond the introductions, but we were connected through Facebook. I woke up early this morning (3 a.m.) and sent her a good morning message. She responded immediately. And then we engaged in one of the best chats ever. Both on messenger and in a video call. I was very impressed with her intelligence and ability to articulate some pretty profound viewpoints. One example: she asked me which vaxx I had received. I told her I wasn’t vaccinated. She let out a whoop and said neither had she! Got to say, that’s a pretty brave stance for a school teacher here in the Philippines to take. She and some other like-minded teachers have lawyered up and are fighting for their freedom. Anyway, suffice to say her stance on the whole scamdemic pretty much parallels mine. I like that. Oh, and she told me she likes Trump. What a gal, huh?

Anyway, she’s older (mid to late 40s with three kids in their early 20s), a college-educated professional, has a good sense of humor, speaks good English, and is a great conversationalist. Just the type some of you commenters said I should be looking for! Too soon to know if she is a potential soul mate, but damn, we are definitely kindred spirits. Looking forward to meeting her in person one day soon and seeing if there is a spark. At the very least though I feel like I’ve made a great new friend. Oh, her name is Grace.

It’s interesting how things go sometimes. Double-checking to make sure this post title was unique, I came across something I had written on New Year’s Day in 2012 called “Into the Great Wide Open”. In that post, I asked the question: If by some magic you could be shown your future life, would you want to view it? I had to smile at my musings from ten years ago and think of them in terms of my current life:

And today I wondered what would the me of back then have thought upon seeing the me of today mailing a letter of such importance and yet its contents were beyond my wildest imaginings just a few short years ago.   I hope I would have laughed at the absurdity of it all.

Despite all the hopes and dreams and best-laid plans, we are after all destined to live in the moment.  I never envisioned this life that I’ve lived turning out as it did.  The detours and heartbreaks and disappointments all inevitably led me back to this place, but changed me almost completely from who that man looking down from the window way back then.  And I don’t just mean those extra pounds around my belly.  All those experiences that I never planned for, dreamed about, or even knew that I desired have not necessarily made me better, and I certainly hope not worse.  But this is who I have become, and I am glad for it.

It’s funny. Everything has changed since then (the letter was for Jee Yeun’s fiancee visa). Still, I could pose the same question to that me in 2012. This life I’m living was unimaginable back then. And yet, it may be the best life ever. It’s definitely the best life I have.