I’ve got a lot of time to think, not that anything profound comes from that effort. Try as I might to live in the moment, my thoughts often stray to places I’ve been in the past, both physically and emotionally. And sometimes, I even think about lifetimes that only exist in my imagination. And thanks to Kevin Kim’s always excellent blog, I learned there is even a word for that: anemoia. Kevin links to an excellent post on the Liminality blog: Anemoia, nostalgia, and memory, which articulates some of what I’ve been feeling in ways I could never express. Thanks for that!
Anyway, out and about on my solo walks and occasionally sitting alone in bars provides the opportunity to reflect on past lives and what I’ve learned or forgotten from those experiences. It may not be in the realm of an epiphany, but it occurs to me that I’ve been forgetting to remember the whole story, basically cherry-picking my memories in a manner that renders those life lessons less valid and meaningful.
For example, I’ve craved a heartfelt and loving relationship, but I never seem to come close to finding one. Yes, as many faithful readers have pointed out, I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places. But I think it’s more than that–there’s something in me that holds me back. Maybe it is just cowardice, or perhaps I’ve not been honest with myself about what it is I truly desire. But when my remembrances accurately reflect the big picture, I’m reminded of the drama, jealousy, and loss of self that I’ve experienced in past relationships. Conversely, when I negatively think of my current life, lamenting the loneliness and emptiness I sometimes feel, I realize that this could be the best life ever if I could learn to embrace the positives that flow from the freedom of being single.
Well, so much for the musings of Captain Obvious. Just sharing some of what I’ve been thinking lately.
When you are in a relationship, then you can only be as happy as the most miserable person in the relationship.”
More of the same around here, otherwise.
Saw some litter on the street that caught my eye and wondered how it came to be. Maybe the litterbug wondered if he should throw it on the ground and then heard a voice saying:
Later, I headed out to Hideaway for the Sunday feeding. A roast chicken, some fried chicken, and pork Tiempo was the substance…
My visit to Hideaway was cut short when I was told there were no more cans of soda water after my second drink was served. How does that happen? I mean, it is not like a can of water will spoil before it can be sold. And as an illustration of how pretentious I’ve become, I was a little put out that other than a shrug of the shoulders, no one seemed to give a shit. I’ve had other bars send one of the girls to the convenience store to pick up a couple of cans for me. And I’d just fed everyone over 1300 pesos worth of food along with some lady drinks. You’d think they’d want me to stick around. Oh well, lots of other bars in town.
After a couple more drinks at It Doesn’t Matter, I was ready for a change of scenery, so I crossed the street and visited Cheap Charlies.
I had a swell time sharing the bounty of blessings in my wallet with the girls. The one behind me in the photo is a new hire, and she may become one of my regulars. Enjoyed her company, and we are even Facebook friends now!
Finished my evening out at the Green Room, then went home comfortably numb.
Early this morning, I received a message from an acquaintance named Mae asking for some assistance with things she needs to buy before enrolling at a local vocational school. I ignored it, as I do many such requests these days (my charity budget is pretty much maxed out). Then after thinking about it some more, I decided that a donation to advance education was the kind of difference I like to make–paying the electric bill helps for that month while going to school can have lifetime benefits. So I told Mae to come over, and I’d help her out. She arrived early enough that she could join me for the dog walk. Then I made her a scrambled egg and bacon with toast breakfast. She also earned some extra money before departing.
And this is Hash Monday, but not for me. The On-Home “venue” is a vacant lot (owned by the Hare, Almoranus) at the very end of Rizal Extension. We were there once during the scamdemic when other options were limited, but it makes no sense to me to finish there now. When we were there before, we still had the Hashmobile. Now, after drinking at the circle until dark, how will everyone get back to town? No Jeepneys up there and very few trikes. Nope, it doesn’t sound smart or fun to me to walk down Rizal at night after drinking.
I did my own trail this morning (I’ll post those pictures tomorrow), and tonight I will have a one-man On-Home at my favorite bars.
Life is good.
