I’ve got a friend in Cambodia who is making a difference. A big and lasting difference.
That’s quite the legacy. Now granted, I don’t know anything about his financial resources other than to say he worked for me on and off for the past twenty-five years or so. Which is to say, he didn’t get rich working for Uncle Sam. He’s no Biden after all! So, his generosity is all the more impressive. Well done, sir!
Now I on the other hand like to pretend to be a caring and giving person. Sure, I’ll help someone I know out of a tight spot occasionally. Throwing out the equivalent of fifty or a hundred dollars now and then isn’t going to change the world though. Hell, it doesn’t even make a lasting difference for the people I’ve helped. It makes me feel good to know that I fed “mama” for the night or that Ester won’t be getting evicted (this month anyway). But that’s chump change really and I’ve acknowledged before that what I’m really doing is selfishly buying some peace of mind for myself.
But it gets worse, or should I say that I do. Lately, I’ve been losing patience with some of those continually begging for my assistance. One of the downsides of my beachside stool at Mango’s is that there is nothing separating me from the souvenir vendors who ply the sandy shore searching for suckers tourists. I try to be friendly and polite with them but I’ve made it clear I have no interest in the trinkets they are selling. I’ve helped one guy out a couple of times when he said he needed milk money for his daughter because after walking all day he had found no customers. I’ve given him advice along the lines of the tourists won’t be back anytime soon and that you are a healthy young man and need to pursue another line of work. Hell, he could ask the hotels if he could rake the littered beaches for them. He nods and says he understands, but every day he is back. So, I gave him another 100 pesos ($2.) last night but told him not to expect me to continue doing so. It is not my responsibility to feed your daughter. He smiled and took the money then went on his way. I’m sure I’ll be seeing him again.
Not long afterward yet another vendor comes and obstructs my view. I didn’t recognize this one but he didn’t want to take no for an answer. I finally had to get up and move to the inside bar to avoid a confrontation I knew I’d regret. I told the bartender they should really not allow the vendors to harass customers but by then the guy had moved on. When I came back to my regular stool I saw him a bit down the beach and he waved and smirked at me. I raised my hand to give him the finger but then lowered it again. He ain’t worth it.
So, what is my problem really? What’s a dollar or two to me when I’m dealing with people who from all appearances have nothing? The best I can come up with is I don’t like being played for a sucker. I gave the one guy some pesos, he tells his friends, and the next thing I know they are swarming around the fool who gives away money for nothing. I don’t want to be that guy. When I give it is in a time or place of my own choosing. I don’t want to be shamed or guilted into giving money to people whose true needs I can’t be sure of. Mostly, I want to be left alone to enjoy my beer, and once you have outed yourself as an easy mark that ain’t gonna happen.
But wait, there’s more. Not long after the vendor incident, I got a message from Nikole, the woman he does my weekly massage. She told me her daughter was sick and she needed a 1000 peso advance to buy medicine. I responded that I was sorry to hear that but I had no way to get her the money. She said I’m in Barretto now. So I told her I’d meet her out in front of Mango’s. This was the third time she has asked for money from me, both of the previous requests I declined. Harder to say no when a sick child is involved (if that was truly the case). Still, it pissed me off. So, when she walked up I handed her the money and told her, this is not an advance, it is your severance pay. She asked me what I meant and I told her it means you are fired. Then I turned and walked away. She messaged me later that she was very hurt to be fired and that she was crying. That working for me was a big help for her kids. I haven’t answered her messages.
I do feel shitty about it though. I overpay for the massage as it is, I don’t want to be hounded for money when I’m out trying to enjoy myself. Now, my friend Ester had hinted around that she would like to add meat products to the vegetable stand she opened but didn’t have the money to do so. I ignored her hint. She also said she is hoping to be called back to work at Alley Cats soon. Well, last night I found out that Alley Cats has hired a new girl which is reprehensible when you have at least three women thinking they will be getting their job back “soon”. That pisses me off and makes me not want to patronize the bar again. I’m planning to go for darts today but that may be my last hurrah there. I’m also toying with the idea of starting up some darts tourneys in a different bar. Just out of spite. We’ll see.
Anyway, I’ve been feeling guilty today so I sent Ester a message asking how much she needs to add the meat business to her stand. Yeah, I need to buy myself another dose of peace of mind.
I know I promised photos from yesterday’s hike but I think this post has gone on long enough. I’ll share them with you tomorrow though. I promise.
She calls out to the man on the street
“Sir, can you help me?
It’s cold and I’ve nowhere to sleep
Is there somewhere you can tell me?”
He walks on, doesn’t look back
He pretends he can’t hear her
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be thereOh, think twice, ’cause it’s another day for you and me in paradise
Oh, think twice, ’cause it’s another day for you
You and me in paradise
Think about it
It’s a fine line between being a benefactor and being a sucker.
As always, the great Kevin Kim is correct in his assessment.
At least you see what your charity for what it truly is, a way to buy peace of mind and lessen any guilt when thinking about how blessed you have been. But of course, you worked for everything you have, and unfortunately the opportunity to do so is not given to everybody but it is due to a mixture of luck and nature. To be born in a certain country and be afforded certain education opportunities is not applicable for everyone. By that I meant that feeling guilty for being in your position may never really go away as long as you’re living where you are. That is quite unfortunate but it is what it is .
I commend you for giving out of the goodness of your heart, but as we all know no one person can help everybody. Even Jeff Bezos cannot end world hunger and poverty.
Sorry to hear about you being taken for a fool when you’d just given a guy some money. I would have thought you would have given him money in exchange for whatever trinkets he was selling rather than just a straight donation. I am sure him getting money for nothing other than asking for it qualifies the act as begging so he would have told his friends the same.
As for your former massage therapist, it is a sad situation. The worst of it is if she was actually lying about the child being sick. But then again, even if she did need the money for her sick child her asking for money from her customer for no additional services also relegates her to a beggar instead of a service provider. Sure, it was a rather rash decision to fire her on the spot , but then again you had just dealt with those 2 other beggars on the beach front so you were not in a good mood. But it good for her to know where she stands. She gets paid for giving you a massage. But she also wants you to help her out with other expenses. She can’t have it both ways. Either she is begging from you, or working for you. Sad but true.
And the woman with the food stand? That is also an interesting story. You’re either an investor, a lender or a friend. Or you’re a donor. But it’s rather difficult to combine all these roles. Either way, you will give her some money soon enough.
As they say , no good deed goes unpunished.
Thanks for your writing as always. It gives me food for thought for days on end.
I would think there is more to the Alley Cats new hire than you think. Constant drama surrounding bar staff.
James, What? Now I’m giving you food too!
I’ve bought some trinkets before but my refrigerator can only hold so many magnets. I normally wouldn’t even think twice about throwing out a little money to help someone in need. But day after day wears thin. One time I only had a few pesos in my pocket, maybe 50 or 60 cents worth. And the guy wouldn’t take them because it wasn’t enough! So yeah, that told me it might be bullshit.
Upon reflection, I’ll concede the masseuse only asked for an advance on her pay and I could have handled it more diplomatically. She keeps asking for another chance and I told her I needed a break–maybe next week. She seemed thankful to be suspended rather than fired. She says she has learned her lesson.
As for Ester’s food stand, I am giving her a hundred bucks so she can buy some meat to sell with her veggies. I appreciate the fact that she never asked and is very humble and thankful. I did tell her I expect to be paid back when she becomes rich in the food business. She laughed and promised she would not forget me.
Brandon, yeah I don’t know what the other side of the story from Alley Cats might be. Regardless, the bar should have had the decency to tell the girls they won’t be coming back. Not my business though and I can always take my business somewhere else if it bothers me.
If it makes you feel any better McCrarey, I deal with it here in the States. Just today, I went to do some early voting(MAGA)and pick up a few items and dealt with 3 panhandlers. Got off the interstate and waiting for the light to change and one of the regulars comes up to me. I just looked the other way. Off to Wally World and as i exit and wait for the light, again i see someone with a sign telling me his problems. On to Kroger and as I enter the shopping complex a dude, who again is a regular, is standing by the bank with his sign. I’m not that cold. I have given panhandlers a dollar or two. I get guilted into it. I worry though that the money I give might go for drugs or booze or both. Some of these guys look to be in better shape than me. Can they work? Maybe they are mentally unfit. I don’t know but I do know this. If I helped-out everyone who claims to need help I would then need help. I believe our reason for being here is more than to make money and die. As I’ve gotten older I have questioned the reason for it all and so in my mind I think we have some obligation to make this place better than when we got here. BUT, don’t play me for a Sucker. Peace Out!
I can totally relate, Soju. I rarely give money to kids because I don’t want them to believe that begging is a way of life. Also, a lot of kids are being used as fronts for their drug-addicted parents/sponsors. I’m also more inclined to give to people like “mama” who have a clear need but also the dignity not to ask but to graciously accept.
And yes, I concur that we have an obligation to make the world around us a better place than how we found it. I do take comfort in knowing that I’ve made things easier for some at least.