Pretty much closed the door on Marissa. Longish chat on messenger. She told me she was sorry for being “bad” and did the teary eyed emojis. I assured her she isn’t bad, just incapable of giving me what I need. And I’m a needy bastard. Anyway, she concluded with “I need to move on”. I told her I hoped we could remain friends and she responded “I’m not sure”.
I’m more convinced than ever I made the right call. Marissa’s reaction to the breakup confirmed for me that I’m not a priority for her, nor am I worth fighting for. She just gave up. Like most of the other women in my life. I realize now that being with Marissa would constitute “settling” and I’m not willing to do that. The right one is out there. We’ll find each other. Soon I hope.
Back to being alone for now. Probably going to need a new bar home, at least on the night’s Marissa is working. I expect we’d both be uncomfortable in that situation.
The last couple of nights I’ve hung out at Cheap Charlies. This was the view I had with beer yesterday.
There are no darts, no dancers, and no extracurricular activities at Cheap Charlies. As the name implies, the sole attraction of this bar is somewhat lower priced drinks. And the view sitting at an outdoor bar. Saving a few pesos on my already cheap (compared to Korea) beer isn’t a big draw and I have a better view from home. Okay, they do have juicy girls to keep you company while you ply them with overpriced drinks. Yeah, the girls need to make a living and that one beats prostituting yourself I suppose. Anyway, the last couple of nights I’ve shared drinking time with Maya. She’s cute, seems sweet, and is 30 years old with a 10 year old son. I got around to asking his name last night and she told me Ahmad. I blurted out “That’s not a Filipino name. What are you, Muslim?”. She responded “yes”.
Well shut my mouth. While it is no secret that I have issues with the Muslim faith and the teachings of the pedophile Mohammad, the Muslims I have met in person have all been fine people. Never dated one though (something I was toying with in my mind re: Maya). Anyway, I gave myself a bigotry check and think I passed. Maya has outwardly not demonstrated any disqualifying characteristics. So far. We’ll see if I decide to pursue a Muslim bargirl!
In the meantime I will just keep on keeping on. I’ve been alone so long now that it almost feels natural. And you never know what’s going to happen next. Until it does.
Stay tuned!
What do I owe to you
Who loved me deep and long?
You never gave my spirit wings
Or gave my heart a song.
But oh, to her I loved
Who loved me not at all,
I owe the little open gate
That led thru heaven’s wall.
–Sara Teasdale
You made the right call. Her “I’m not sure” tells you all you need to know. Other fish in the sea.
No issue if she is Muslim,as long as she has what you need and isn’t too crazy.
Yeah, I’ll judge her based on her actions, not her beliefs. Not sure I’m going to go there anyway, but she is very cute and seems sweet. We’ll see.