Well, I guess you could say I’m feeling a little week today.

That’s right, in a mere seven days I’ll be boarding a plane and flying off to find a new, and hopefully better, life in the Philippines. Despite numerous visits there as a tourist I’m not sure what to expect as a full-time resident. The adventure I suppose will be in finding out what happens next.

I’ve pretty much come to terms with the idea of going it alone, at least to start. I’m resolved to not actively look for a girlfriend/companion. If “the one” for me is out there, she’ll find me. I’m just going to let nature take its course. It seems more practical anyway to allow things to occur in the natural fashion, like being introduced by mutual friends or maybe encountering each other at an event of common interest (the Hash, darts, etc.). Yeah, I’m a lonely guy and that makes me vulnerable. I need to toughen my ass (and heart) up and accept things as they are, rather than settle for something that may (or may not) be better than nothing.

I’ve not been real busy at work (shuddup!) which has given me time to peruse expat blogs and webpages about adapting to life in the Philippines. Picking up some good tips here and there which may help me avoid learning by making mistakes. One thing is clear, how well you adjust and how happy you are in the Philippines really comes down to your own attitude. I’m not known for my patience and I know going in I’m going to have to lower my expectations about certain aspects of life in the PI, and accept that things will not always go as I hope and desire them to be. For the expats that acknowledge the realities of life in a third world country and who recognize that the overall good aspects of life outweigh the bad, happiness awaits. For those who bitch, moan and complain about inconveniences and disappointments, well the best course is to get the fuck out and go home. I will endeavor mightily to be amongst the former.

One blog I read particularly resonated with me. In a post called “Finding your own path”, Reekay (a six year resident) wrote:

Which brings me to the point of ‘finding your own path’. I have said so many times to so many people, “The Philippines has been fantastic for me… but it’s not for everyone.” I stand by that. For me, the Philippines awakens all my senses afresh. My mind is alive and in full gear all over again, just like when I was a kid. Something new is around every corner. Food is different. People are different. The very air is different. Is it altogether ‘better’ than my life in the USA? In some ways, yes and in some ways, absolutely not. Going from a 1st-world country into a country that boasts not only some of the most beautiful and accessible topical landscapes, but also no shortage of poverty and distress is a change that not everyone can handle in stride.

I’ve mentioned before that this is one reason those of us Expats who run into each other on the streets or online in the Philippines have a common sense of respect for each other. It takes a certain type of adventurous spirit to not only endure the new environs and distance from ‘home’… but to thrive and truly enjoy a whole other culture to the fullest. That commonality of spirit gives us a certain bond of friendship that has nothing in common with those expats who arrive and simply complain of their plight here. We distance ourselves from those who made the move, but never accepted the culture of the new surroundings. We are adventurous and revel in our new surroundings. ‘They’ arrived only to live in frustration at their own displeasure of inconvenience. Our only statement to them is, “If you don’t like it, leave.”

What I have spent many hours in front of a bonfire in the province alone pondering is my resolve to be content in pursuing my own path. I truly wish I could have found the ‘one path’ that would make others as happy as I am with my own life. But there is no ‘one’ path. I see poverty in the USA and I see it in the Philippines. Despite a few dollars here and there to random people in need I encounter, I have no solution. I can’t sit down for a moment and say to one of the beggars, “Just do ‘this’ and ‘this’ and all will be well, my friend.” I have no such solution. I see sorrowful marriages or relationships and over the years I’ve tried to offer the best counsel I could to avert or stop the pain involved. Some people listen, some don’t. Each person has to determine for themselves the path they will take. I offer to point out a fork in the road; this way leads to more of the same misery.. this other way leads to a freedom from the situation. That is the best I can do. It is the new mantra that I hear myself saying now that I have been in-country for 16 months and it is this; “Everyone must find their own path.”

I suppose this is the tight-rope that must be navigated in a poor country when you are the ‘rich’ foreigner transplanted for the duration. Figuring out when, where and to whom some level of compassion or assistance is to be given to others. In a land where there is much desperation, there is much abuse of kind-hearted foreigners trying to navigate those waters. Countless are the expat stories of being lied to and defrauded of money by those who take the deceitful shortcut to survival. I do what I can to give warnings and how to avoid such situations, but again I’m reminded that each one must find their own path. Some must learn the hard way that trust cannot be given so quickly. Discernment as to when and to whom to give compassion or assistance is not something that can be bottled and dispersed like a tonic. Despite whatever good advice anyone may come across.. time and experience is what it boils down to.

I am happy with the path I’ve chosen. I wish I could do more for others but, the reality is I can only do so much. And maybe that’s okay. Few men ever change the whole world in a positive way. Perhaps making positive change to the few within our circle of influence is all we can really expect of ourselves.

That last paragraph is what I aspire to do…making my little corner of the world just a little bit better because of my presence there.

So, in my readings lots of writers point out how inexpensive it is to hire someone to make your life simple and worry free, touting that as one of the big benefits of living in the Philippines. Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ve been there and done that. But, as many have pointed out, what I really did was try to purchase a relationship, and that effort was bound to fail. Lesson learned. Still, I would consider hiring a “helper” that could assist me in navigating the culture and in general just make my life as easy as possible. Obviously, this time around I would employ a person I’m not attracted to and keep everything strictly professional and platonic. We’ll see.

Before I can pursue that option I’ll need to find a house in which to live that would accommodate a live-in helper. I know the neighborhood I want (Alta Vista) but I’ve got to be on the ground to find an available rental.

This is the view I want to wake up to each morning:

If my Spanish is right, “Alta Vista” means “high view”. Works for me!

And this would be my dream house to wake up in:

I just have to be patient and look until I find just what I want. That’s why I plan to do a short term lease on a small apartelle while I walk the neighborhoods looking for home.

The search begins next week!

I saw my life this morning
Lying at the bottom of a drawer
All this stuff I’m saving
God knows what this junk is for
And whatever I believed in
This is all I have to show
What the hell were all reasons
For holding on for such dear life
Here’s where I let go

I’m not running
I’m not hiding
I’m not reaching
I’m just resting in the arms of the great wide open
Gonna pull my soul in
And I’m almost home