Did an all day tour yesterday, featuring the Cu Chi tunnels and the Mekong river delta area, both of which are about an hour and a half from Saigon. I do enjoy travel and seeing new places and things, but I don’t like being a tourist. Or to be more precise, I don’t enjoy guided tours much. Yesterday was a prime example of why.

Got picked up at the hotel as scheduled at 7:30, then drove a ways across town in heavy traffic to pick up more tourists. When everyone was on board a bit after 8:00 we headed south. Our tour guide was a 20-something Vietnamese man who said his name was “Laughing”. His English was almost understandable. He seemed very proud of his country and there is nothing wrong with that of course. But my first red flag of the day was when we pulled into a small factory where traditional Vietnam paintings made from eggshells and seashells were manufactured. Laughing told the government built the factory to enable area residents who had suffered birth defects after American use of poison gas during the war. I assumed he meant Agent Orange. Throughout the day, Laughing never missed an opportunity to regurgitate the anti-American propaganda he’d been fed his whole life.

Anyway, the factory was NOT part of the tour package and it was only mildly interesting to see the process used by the workers in creating their art. And surprise, surprise the guide led us into a large showroom full of completed objects available for our purchase. For the first of many times I muttered “this is bullshit”.

In due course we made on way onward to the Cu Chi tunnels that had been instrumental in the North’s attacks on the South throughout the war. It was a pretty impressive engineering fete, no question about it. Laughing’s commentary about the means and methods used to kill the American invaders got old pretty fast though. I found myself biting my tongue to avoid asking what about the South Vietnamese Army troops, who far outnumbered the Yanks, were as fun to kill as well. Anyway, you get the idea. And I acknowledge that the victor gets to write the history of the war in the manner of his choosing. Hell, I was a vocal opponent of the war back then, but something about Laughing’s gleeful stories about how the wise Viet Cong lured the foolish Americans into their gruesome traps was off-putting. I was glad to finally depart for the Mekong portion of the tour.

We stopped for lunch along the way and I’ll have to give credit where it is due, it was a damn fine meal. I’m going to do a “foodie” post tomorrow, so I’ll save that story and photos until then.

The Mekong was disappointing as well, or to be fair, not what I expected. I was envisioning a river cruise, instead we boarded a derelict river boat and went to the other side. Upon arrival, we were served a honey tea and some banana chips. Both were quite good. Then Laughing came around with a beehive and talked about how the honey was used in several “miracle” products to improve health and skin. And wouldn’t you know it? Those products just happened to be available for purchase. I thought now that is real B.S. (bee shit). I did buy some overpriced banana chips which were quite tasty.

Next we walked a bit up the river to a place where we were treated to some traditional Vietnamese music. I’m sorry, the Vietnamese spoken language is even more grating on the ears than Chinese. At least to me. And when sung it sounds like high pitched screeching. The instruments were twangy but not unpleasant however. Tip boxes were conveniently brought around to our tables and of course I contributed. After all, the did stop singing and that was a behavior worth rewarding!

We then walked some more, boarded golf carts for a bit, then walked through some yards (felt like Hashing almost), and then boarded some canoe like things for a ride down a canal and back to the riverside. We were encouraged to tip the boat rowers, and hell, they deserved it managing to move our fat asses downstream.

Once back on the river shore we were given a demonstration of how coconut candy was made. Didn’t much care about that, although the sample was tasty enough. And of course, they had some for sale. No thanks!

Back on the boat at last and we were provided some coconut juice (still in the shell) to enjoy. Then we boarded the van for the two hour ride back to Saigon, where we arrived at 6:00 p.m. It was a long day of touring and it took several hours of beer drinking last night to wash the taste out of my mouth. Here’s the photos:

Alright, dinner plans tonight and hopefully something worthwhile to add to my foodie post tomorrow. Stay tuned!