Took care of some business yesterday, including getting a 60-day extension on my tourist visa. My very tentative thinking is that between now and March 5, when I’m due to renew, I’ll take a trip out of the country, perhaps to Vietnam. We’ll see. I’ll be going to the mountain city of Baguio next month to participate in the La Union Hash Valentine’s run. I’ve been there twice before and enjoyed it. And I also want to plan a trip to Bohol sometime this month. It’s been at the top of my list of places I want to see in the Philippines since before the scamdemic. No more excuses now.
My shopping trip to Royal went without incident. The five sale items in my cart all rang up with the appropriate discount. I’ll keep watching, though.
I felt like crap all day, low energy, and lethargic. Took two naps without much result. Got out the thermometer and saw I was running a low-grade fever of 38.1C. Popped a couple of aspirins and got on with my life.
The only issue with my new drinking routine is that it costs me twice as much because my method is one shot of gin in a tall glass and a whole can of soda water to add to the mix. It’s worth it because it allows me to both reduce the strength of my drink and slows the rate of consumption some. I had a coupon for Green Room that gave me two free drinks if I bought a lady drink, so I actually saved money on that deal.
After Green Room, I crossed the highway and checked my barber and was actually able to take a chair!
A couple more drinks at IDM, three at Cheap Charlies, and a nightcap at Voodoo. I wasn’t drunk, and it wasn’t even 8:00 yet, but I’d had enough, so I called it a night.
It’s probably too early to call this significant news, but I have been chatting with a woman I “met” on Facebook. An interesting gal who seems smart and witty. She also told me she likes to hike. I’m intrigued and want to learn more.
Gen is studying Korean because she hopes to find work there as an OFW. That would be consistent with my luck–I moved to the Philippines from Korea to find a woman, meet her, and then she moves to Korea. But that’s getting way ahead of myself. She did offer to be my tutor if I wanted to learn Tagalog.
We had a funny exchange in our chat last night. She asked me where I was, and I truthfully answered, “It Doesn’t Matter.” She responded, “okay, sorry to have asked.” I was laughing at her reaction and sent her this picture:
I guess Gen still didn’t get it because she wrote, “maybe it is better if you just say it’s none of my business.” Alright, I explained again that it was the name of the bar I was at, and I thought it was funny how she reacted. She finally understood and said it was funny but also reiterated that she didn’t mean to intrude on my privacy; she was just checking in on me. A bit of a red flag, perhaps, but we moved on and continued a pleasant chat throughout the evening.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to learning more about Gen when we meet in person next week.
Speaking of Facebook and the passage of time, I shared this on my page:
I thought it was kinda funny in a sad way, but my old friend Jeremy left this comment:
Yeah. People say shit that they don’t mean all the time, especially when they’re drunk, high, or otherwise intoxicated. Of course, in the first several months of any relationship, the love chemical, oxytocin, that the body produces is going to be in excess. Hence, the expression ‘drunk in love’. In fact, researchers have found that oxytocin make lovers feel positive drunk-like effects such as being relaxed, happy, and more confident as well as the negative effects such as aggression, jealousy, and arrogance.
However, this is necessary for the human propagation as a species. If we didnt have oxytocin, then we’d probably never mate (willingly). It just happens that many, especially the young (or inexperienced) don’t understand the thoughts and feelings that accompany the increase in oxytocin, so they say stupid shit like the above. To avoid having negative thoughts about the people who say such nonsense, it’s good to understand that they’re voicing an inebriated fantasy rather than making a sober, analyzed decision. This will make it hurt less IF forever doesn’t last until death did you part.
That sounds more cynical than even I’ve become, although I guess the “inebriated fantasy” is a shoe that might fit me. I tried to lighten the mood by asking, “Do you need a prescription for oxytocin? I could use some right about now.” It didn’t work:
you can get a prescription for oxytocin. However, studies suggest that it might be bad for those suffering from anxiety and depression, but you can also increase it naturally by physical touch (doesn’t need to be sexual, but it can result from masturbation), social interaction, massages, petting animals… basically, being generally happy. However, alcohol isn’t conducive to happiness from the standpoint of the physical body. You might feel good due to the inebriation, but it increases cortisol, a stress hormone, anxiety, depression, etc.
The exercise that you do (long hikes) is great for increasing your oxytocin levels, but all your gains are nullified by all of the alcohol consumption, both from a physical and mental standpoint.
All I could say to that was, “oh well, I guess I’m doomed.”
I do have some love in my life; they even like to take a morning walk with me.
And that’s about all I’ve got for today’s post about the third.
It’s a little too late to be shopping for turkey, anyway, unless you’re one of those people who loves turkey year-round—by which I don’t mean the people who love turkey by the slice: I’m talking about people who love the whole bird.
Good luck with Gem. Based on what you’ve written, it does seem that any sort of text communication with Pinay women usually ends up with them exhibiting all their little-girly insecurities and other character flaws. I realize it’s hard to convey tone of voice via text (especially when joking), and that’s made even harder when the interlocutor has, at best, a shaky grasp of English. Add the baggage of automatically making negative assumptions when communication is unclear (as these girls do), and it’s a wonder that Filipinos haven’t killed each other off already. As I said, good luck with Gem.
Oxytocin and cortisol! Well, I did a lot of study on hormones as part of my readings and viewings re: diet and exercise, and those explanations sound correct. Cortisol is indeed a stress hormone, which is why some experts contend that walking (which is not stressful) is better for you than running (which causes a release of cortisol in response to the stress of the exercise). And oxytocin is, in fact, a chemical that facilitates pair-bonding. From an evolutionary-biology perspective, if the object is to propagate the species, then a little chemical help can’t hurt.
But the problem comes when people stop at biology and confuse love with feelings (chemically induced or otherwise). As I’ve said repeatedly in your comments section, love is not a feeling: it’s an action (Matt Walsh agrees). Love takes effort. You don’t “fall into” true love—you maintain it constantly, like a garden. Feelings, being superficial, come and go with the hormonal tide; love abides. A mom might wake up and want to kill her kids because they’d been obnoxious the night before, but she gets out of bed, makes breakfast, helps the kids prep for school, and kisses them on the way out the door. That’s love. Love is what remains when the romantic/sexual magic is gone. If all you do is pursue the sexual, then you’re committing yourself to a hollow life. If all you want is a servant (“someone to take care of me”) and not an equal partner, then you’re never getting out of the kiddie pool. Now, if a hollow life is what you want, then hey—go for it. Be as superficial as you wish, and far be it from me to interrupt your pursuit of happiness. So go ahead: never leave the bars, always choose women who are decades younger (and already saddled with kids), bang ’em, then leave ’em. Maybe some people find that kind of shallow life fulfilling. God bless ’em. As far as I’m concerned, happiness is where you find it, and for some people, it’s not necessary to look too deeply. But whatever true love is, it’s more than just the animal/chemical.
And that’s the problem we keep coming back to. You do seem to yearn for something deeper than a bang, but you don’t want to put in the necessary work to find the love you seek. I don’t say that out of any sense of superiority: God knows I have my own vices that I haven’t gotten rid of thanks to my own laziness and hypocrisy. The exercise for you is going to be getting the carnal side of yourself to match up, somehow, with the side that yearns for depth. All of this starts with a clear understanding of what love is, and ultimately, it ain’t a feeling. Maybe the chemicals kickstart the romance that can lead to love, but at the end of the day, love is what takes you home.
Fuck. I meant “Gen,” not “Gem.”
Of course, “Gen” makes me think of the InGen Corp. from the first Jurassic Park.
Yeah, I wasn’t shopping for turkey, just shocked when I saw the price.
I’m not sure what lies ahead with Gem. I mean, she ticks some of the boxes–a little older and not a bargirl. She tells me she’s never dated a foreigner before and asked if she could bring along a friend for our first meeting. I’ve heard of that practice where “good girls” have a chaperone when they first see someone. It still seems weird to me though. We also talked some about religion. I saw some photos on her Facebook that appeared to be a small Pentecostal-type church. She just calls herself a Christian and says she is looking for a “God-fearing” man. I told her I don’t fear the God I believe in, and that seemed to upset her. She eventually just said, “change the subject.” Hmm, a potential red flag there.
Lots to digest (again) in your comments about love. I remember watching that Matt Walsh video on your blog. I don’t disagree with him or you on this subject. Still, I may have created the wrong impression on my posts–I’m not on a quest for sex. Rather, quite the opposite. Sex is easily obtained in this town, but easy sex (i.e. the kind you pay for) is not satisfying to me. And also, at 67, my drive ain’t what it used to be. And yes, I acknowledge that I’m looking for love in all the wrong places, but it could be a sign that I’m not all that serious in my quest. A part of me thinks if I’m destined for love, she’ll find me. And yeah, settling for “someone to take care of me” has a certain appeal at this stage of my life.
However you define love, it occurs to me that I’m probably just not worthy. Thinking back to the last woman I professed to love, now that all those pesky emotions have evaporated, I can see the things that were warnings I ignored because of “feelings.” And not just the sex (which, admittedly, was amazing), but a blindness to the realities of the situation. I guess I can blame the oxycontin for that and let myself off the hook. In the meantime, I’ll just plod along my lonely path and see what’s around the next corner.
Still, I may have created the wrong impression on my posts–I’m not on a quest for sex.
And yet, that’s where you always seem to end up. Hmmm.
A couple of times a month isn’t much of a quest. And I turn down more offers than I accept. Just sayin’…
I was thinking more in terms of percentage score, not frequency per month. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me that most of your attempts at relationships get to the sex phase pretty quickly, like within a week or two, certainly within a month. How about dating a woman without any expectation of (or pressure for) sex for six months? That sounds like a 2023 challenge to me! (And while dating this hypothetical woman, showing some faithfulness by not accepting “happy endings” from the usual suspects.)
Honestly, Kevin, looking back over my lifetime I can’t recall any woman since high school that I’ve dated for six months with no sex. Frankly, as often as not, the women have been the ones to initiate. Filipinas are notorious for their horniness (which explains all the unwed mothers out there), and I’d wager that if I told one of them no sex for six months, they’d break up with ME.
I do get your point, but sex is honestly not my primary objective when I meet a new woman. Sure, once I get to know them the physical attraction becomes stronger, but when it does happen it seems like a natural progression in the relationship. I can’t emphasize enough that I don’t pressure the gals I meet to get physical. In fact, my most recent “love” practically raped me on our first night together. I was shocked at how aggressive she was in getting what she wanted. Now, I’m not saying I didn’t like it, it was fantastic, but I really wasn’t the initiator.
We’ll see how things work out with Gen, but to be honest, the further down the road I’m going in our chatting phase, the more I’m thinking, “do I really want to do this?” I bitch and moan a lot, but damn, a lonely life is also free of drama. I’m not all that sure I want to ride that “love” horse again.
Honestly, Kevin, looking back over my lifetime I can’t recall any woman since high school that I’ve dated for six months with no sex.
I know I shouldn’t have, but I laughed when I read that, and I thought, “Yup—that explains four marriages!” Good to know the warmth of the Philippines translates to the… warmth of the local women. I guess. May you spread your DNA far and wide. I’m beginning to think that that’s your God-given superpower.