And many moments make up a day. Here are some of the moments that made up my Tuesday.
Off to Royal for the weekly grocery shopping.
Our next stop was DaKudos for some dinner. I ordered a chef salad and Swan asked for chicken parmesan. Apparently, the cook overlooked our order. After waiting over thirty minutes, our waitress went to check and discovered the fuck up. It was getting late (for me), so we had our orders prepared to go.
The chef salad was excellent, and I ended my Tuesday with a nice night’s sleep.
I’m wiped out today from climbing Easter Mountain with the Wednesday Walkers. I have tons of pictures from that adventure to post tomorrow. Tonight, I’ll be hanging out at The Rite Spot.
Some sad news this morning. Daddy Jerry from Alaska Club (featured in yesterday’s post) was painting the walls of his building at the top of a twenty-foot ladder, and it collapsed, sending him crashing to the floor. He was taken by ambulance to our newly reopened hospital in Barretto and underwent surgery to repair his broken humerus bone. He was lucky it wasn’t worse. Jerry was the first bar owner I met on my first visit to the Philippines in 2007. Back then, his bar was in Angeles City. Get well soon, Jerry!
This gave me a bit of a headache, but I’m sure Kevin Kim will appreciate it:
• An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intents and purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
You are welcome!
Something for my redneck friends:
Time for some politics:
Facebook memories took me back to the streets of Seoul eight years ago:
Alright, to the Quora Q&A we go:
Q: When will I ever find whatever I’ve been looking for so long?
A: It’s always the last place you look.
Yes, thousands of comedians are out of work, and I’m trying to be funny.
Let’s try some more humor before I go:
It’s time to head for the roof and watch the sun go down. Back tomorrow with more.
First and foremost, my sympathies to Jerry. The humerus, eh? So at a guess, he landed on his side and broke his arm, which was under his body at the moment of impact. That sucks; the humerus is a large bone. I can’t imagine the pain. And he really injured nothing else? Lucky fellow.
Second: the grammar jokes. There’s only one that I disagree with: the one about the subjunctive mood.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
That’s actually an if-conditional sentence, and there shouldn’t be a comma. Specifically, this is what is called “third conditional”: past perfect (had known), conditional past (would have walked). There’s no “if” because “had it” is inverted word order, but the “if” is implied.
If the tarantula had been hungry, it would have eaten the cricket.
Had the tarantula been hungry, it would have eaten the cricket. (inverted)
For more on the subjunctive, see here. Examples of the subjunctive mood:
It’s important that you be here by five.
We suggest that she use caution.
…for fear that he leave too soon.
As for what “third conditional” means: it refers to the third of three conditional-sentence scenarios, each with its own set of tenses.
1st conditional: (if) present → present/future (probable event)
If Batman comes tonight, he’ll regret it.
If it rains, I’ll grab my umbrella.
2nd conditional: (if) past → conditional (imaginary/unreal event/situation)
If I were king, I would hold orgies every Tuesday.
If your mom had testicles, she’d be your dad.
3rd conditional: (if) past perfect → conditional past (alternate past)
If you hadn’t blasted diarrhea everywhere, the sex would’ve been far less entertaining.
Also of interest:
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intents and purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
They missed a chance to write “for all intensive purposes.” Aside from that, could you rewrite the sentence without malapropisms?
Then there’s this:
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
Chiasmus is an interesting one. You pair up two phrases or turns of phrase that are something like mirror images of each other to make a point.
We won’t have to look for work, and it won’t have to look for us.
Pleasure’s a sin, and sometimes sin’s a pleasure. (Byron)
Eat to live; live to eat.
I may be as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best. (Whitman)
re: Redneck Love Poem
It’s all about the inbreds. Least there warn’t nobody wit’ six fangers.
re: the “I don’t like sand” meme
That’s the best Anakin/Padmé meme I’ve seen so far! Love it.
There is a rooster farm across the river from me, and I hear them screeching every morning. Oddly enough, unlike dog barking, I’m used to it now; it is just background noise that doesn’t bother me much.
I guess that’s better than the screaming of the lambs. Oh, and: “rooster farm” uses “rooster” as an adjective modifying “farm,” so you can’t say “they” as a pronoun to replace “rooster.” Possible rewrite:
There is a rooster farm across the river from me, and I hear the birds screeching every morning.
I look forward to reading about the Easter Mountain hike.
@kevin maybe rhe rooster is non-binary and identifies as they/them
HaHa! That’s it! A rooster has a right to the identity I assign through poor grammar!
I haven’t heard any updates on Jerry yet, but the bone break was the worst of his injuries.
Thanks for the headache I got from the lesson on subjunctives. My ignorance of grammar abounds in new and interesting ways that are completely over my head, I fear.
I do see how I screwed up with the rooster farm. Unless I can convince you that it is the farm screeching, not the roosters. I’ll take the “L” and try to do better next time.