My neighbor Mike celebrated his 78th birthday yesterday and invited us to join in the celebration he hosted. I understand some Hispanic guy named Jesus also had a birthday on the 25th, although he’s quite a bit older.
Mike’s an interesting guy. We grew up in the same town in Southern California, Westminster. We attended the same high school, but, since he was eight years older, we never met. Mike is also a Vietnam War veteran, and yesterday he shared a photo album of his two tours of duty on the battlefield. During that time, he earned two Purple Hearts and was awarded the Bronze Star for his bravery. After returning home and recovering from his wounds, Mike became a well-known music promoter and worked with numerous famous bands and musicians. He had some amazing photos from those days as well.
After he retired, he lived in Brazil for several years before settling here in the Philippines. And now he lives less than a block from my house. It is indeed a small world after all.
The party started at 2 pm, and folks started heading out around 4:30. But the fun wasn’t done, as some of us reconvened for a nightcap at Thumbstar Bar around 6 pm.
It was a good Mikesmas.
From the May 2016 LTG archives is a post about my attending the wedding of my friends Mat and Sohee.
Tellingly, the post included this:
I do admit that I’ve become somewhat cynical at weddings these days. During the vows, I recalled similar words from my most recent soon-to-be ex-wife. I muttered “promises, promises” under my breath…
Sadly, Mat and Sohee divorced a couple of years later. Subsequently, Sohee committed suicide.
Speaking of the not-yet-ex wife, she sent me a Christmas message saying she still thinks of me and is sorry for letting me go. Yeah, thanks for that. Ten years too late.
I also heard from my daughter and she sent me this:
Today’s YouTube video is another one of those warnings about retiring in the Philippines if you are not financially prepared to do so. Sadly, common sense isn’t too common these days.
And before I go:
Had enough? Me too!
Belated Christmas wishes John
I know you miss me too much. I’ll be back for Xmas 2026
A big Happy Birthday to Mike. Born on Christmas, eh? He’s lookin’ good for 78.
I’m sure you’ve told the Matt/Sohee story before, and Sohee in particular was recently featured in a post. Sad story all around.
Merry Christmas!
Re: family and spouses
Would you really be worse off if you made an effort to contact family (and spouse) again? What is the worse that could happen?
A. They ignore you or tell you they have no desire to see you. Result = no different than current status quo
B. A dialogue starts.
It wouldn’t be easy but the path of least resistance (doing nothing) is not always the best path to take.
I often look at decisions and see what is the downside. If no downside, then why not give it a try? As per the cliche, “you miss 100% of the shots you never take”
Brian, I hadn’t heard from either of my kids since Thanksgiving. I decided I’d wait to see if they greeted me for Christmas. My daughter did, but not my son. I don’t beg. If someone doesn’t want me to be a part of their life, I’ll accept it and live mine alone.
Kevin, Mat spells his name with one “t” (I just double-checked to be sure). He’s remarried now and has a new baby. Life goes on.
Mat. I stand corrected.
John, I wouldn’t think of it as begging.
(and take the below with a grain of salt, as I am neither a doctor or a counselor, nor do I play one on TV!)
I would reach out and say something like:
Dear XXX,
I completely understand that you do not agree or approve of some of my lifestyle decisions in the not so distant past. Believe me, I do understand. I wish I could say that I have been a perfect person, but I am probably more flawed than not. I can’t change the past, but can try and do better in the future. If life does have a do-over, there are definitely things I would do differently. But one of things I know I would not change is that I always tried to do the best for you and give you my love. yada yada yada
My armchair analysis is that the loss of these close relationships bugs you a lot. I dont think it is begging to reach out. Again, what is the downside? You wont be any worse off if they do not respond or respond in a negative manner. (At least I dont think so). Anyway, good luck as you navigate the sucky things that life can throw at us.
Brian, thanks for the insights and advice. You may not be a doctor or counselor, but I bet you’ve stayed in a Holiday Inn before…
Seriously, though, I recognize that I am as much at fault as the ghosters, and my refusal to seek reconciliation clearly places the onus on me. For me, it is not a matter of not caring; it is accepting the fact that I am not valued. I don’t want to try to convince someone who clearly doesn’t want me in their life to let me back in. I trust that they are happier without me, and what is a better measure of love than giving those you care for what they desire.