I have the Friday group hike coming up at 0900, and the Hash Christmas party is a 1:00, so it is now or never if I’m going to dispense my daily dose of bullshit here at LTG. So, let’s get to it.
At my age, every day is special, and yesterday was no exception. That’s not to say I did anything special, but I still enjoyed filling in the hours, however comfortably and well. We did a walk to the Subic Market and dispensed some sweets to the children we encountered along the way. Swan picked up her Christmas present from me while we were there. Later, we enjoyed a nice dinner at Jewel Cafe and some liquid refreshments in the Green Room afterward. Yep, just another typical day in paradise. Here’s some of what it looked like:
And here is my gift to Swan:
To be honest, I’m a little worried about her driving this on the highway. Traffic moves fast, and these are slow. But she is a grown-up with a driver’s license, so hopefully, she’ll exercise good judgment on the road.
When it was time to head into town, we walked. Walk out, trike home is just the way I roll.
We both had the Jewel filet mignon for 499 pesos each. It’s a small cut but very tasty. The last time we ate these, they had gravy on the meat; this time, I ordered it on the side. And plopping the steak on top of the mashed potatoes was something I’d never seen. It was easy enough to move it, but it just seemed strange.
So, I calculated that I could afford to indulge the potato calories. I limited my evening intake to six gin and sodas. And when I got home, I discovered I was out of my preferred sugar-free pudding dessert. So, I made a batch of blueberry/pineapple smoothies instead.
And the Friday weigh-in results:
- Today’s weight: 240.6
- Last week: 245.2
- Reduction: 4.6 pounds.
- Starting weight: 267.1
- Overall reduction: 26.5 pounds
Slow but steady progress. At least I’m moving in the right direction.
Today’s memories courtesy of Facebook:
No time for me to parse a YouTube video today. Sorry!
I do have these tidbits of humor to share:
And that’s all for now, folks. Back tomorrow (I hope).
How are those kids’ bowel movements with all that candy they consume, John? When I was a kid I lived off candy and recall the first time I got clogged up good and solid. I was at a friend’s house, we’d been eating shitty food all weekend. There was a weird, lumpy feeling in my lower bowel that kinda concerned me. I finally had the urge to shit, so I go into the bathroom and sit down.
I fart a little bit, and I feel the lump shift positions, as if gravity and intestinal peristalsis was finally kicking in. I feel this turd get in line and start peeking. It immediately stops on the threshold and refuses to move.
I am concerned. I’ve had to grunt and strain before, but in this instance, after 5 minutes of grunting and pushing, this turd hasn’t moved at all, and my butthole is starting to get fatigued. I’ve tried rocking back and forth, rocking side to side, doing my patented “stir” move around the rim, and I finally think to myself, “I should check the texture,” so I reach back and give the turtlehead a quick rub.
It was like running my fingertips over the disc of an angle grinder. It was dry and grainy and solid as fuck. I regret the shitty diet I’ve been consuming.
I redouble my grunting and straining efforts, adding in a new move: grabbing one buttcheek and pulling it in the hopes that it stretches the cornhole, and finally…
I feel some movement begin to occur, and this turd finally starts moving. I swear to you that I heard this turd scraping as it squeezed out of my butthole. At the moment that its main girth breached, my butthole began retracting and, I literally shot this turd into the toilet with a gusty shotgun-blast of a fart. I swear to you, this turd “clinked” into the bowl.
I felt a sense of relief, pride, and deliverance I can only describe as spiritual. I stand up to see the child of my loins and to make sure there isn’t an umbilical cord to cut. I was only like 9 or 10 years old, and this turd was the size of a Coke can, and fucking muscular and veiny as a roided-out bodybuilder on stage. I wipe and there’s nothing. This turd was solid as fuck.
It wouldn’t flush. I had to poke it with the plunger until it broke into smaller pieces.
It’s rare that I eat candy these days. I’m a bit too salty now at my age.
So how were the group hike and the Christmas party? Good luck to Swan with her electric cart. May she never take a spill. I assume you’ve got the recharging problem handled?
The electric vehicle is basically a golf cart, correct? Does it have side flaps that come down so it can be used in the rain?
I hope we dont read a story about you getting pulled over for a DUI. LOL
Yes, it is basically a golf cart. It does have plastic flaps you can drop down in the rain.
I have no intentions of driving that thing, even when I’m sober, so there is no DUI in my future.
Recharging should just be a matter of plugging it in. We don’t have an outlet in the carport, though, so we will need to run an extension court from the house.
That sounds like a shitty experience that will always be a crappy memory for you. Reading it left me feeling a little flushed.
While not as extreme as you describe, since I’ve started this diet my turds have been more solid and harder to expel. I don’t eat candy so it’s not that. Maybe a lack of fiber.
Hope you are doing well these days.
“Buy the ticket, take the ride.”
Hunter S. Thompson