Another day, another step forward. I actually had two acquaintances inquire as to my well-being–my state of mind rather than my physical health. Apparently, I’ve been wearing my heart on my sleeve of late. Yeah, I’m borderline depressed these days, which might explain some of the issues I’ve been dealing with. Not to worry, I’ve been in deeper and darker places. Just one more hole to crawl out of.
Nothing particularly noteworthy about my evening out. Fed the crew at Hideaway bar and finished my night at Wet Spot, where I drank alone. My regular gal had treated me rudely during my previous visit, so I told her last night I had no interest in her company. She seemed taken aback, but I’m in my grumpy phase and have a lack of tolerance for BS. I had the same amount of fun for half the money!
On my walk this morning, I heard a song by Townes Van Zandt for the first time: To Live Is To Fly. I see now that it was recorded in 1972; I must have been busy being a senior in high school or something. Anyway, it spoke to my weary brain all these years later.
Living's mostly wasting time And I'll waste my share of mine But it never feels to good, So let's don't take to long. You're soft as glass And I'm a gentle man; We got the sky to talk about And the earth to lie upon. Days, up and down they come Like rain on a conga drum Forget most, remember some But don't turn none away. Everything is not enough And nothin' is to much to bear. Where you been is good and gone All you keep is the getting there. To live is to fly Low and high, So shake the dust off of your wings And the sleep out of your eyes.
Our Wednesday Walkers hike was an 8K endeavor, mostly on pavement, with a long stair climb. I was plenty tired at the end. Here are some photos:
And that’s the way it went down yesterday. Stick around and see what happens next!
Have you ever taken your own dogs on a Hash?
Trash day.
That’s got to be the most organized-looking trash I’ve ever seen. That is, like, anal-retentive levels of neatness. Is that really how garbagemen routinely operate in the PI?
As for depression: you’ve relayed comments from your (third?) ex-wife about your occasionally depressive nature. I honestly don’t know what to do about that (the depression, I mean, not her comments). It helps to have goals, projects, and a purpose—something beyond yourself and your current circumstances to live for, some reason to think you’re not simply retired and waiting for death to arrive. Maybe, for you, this might entail more travel. The PI has thousands of islands, after all, meaning thousands of subcultures, so there’s certainly plenty to explore. Or pick up a skill like scuba diving. I heard that, in the PI, you can go through training and get a scuba license in the space of 48 hours. When I was a kid, I did a tiny bit of scuba in a swimming pool, and frankly, it was an incredible experience that I really ought to repeat one of these days. I know that getting you to take a Tagalog class is like pulling teeth, but learning a local language might be kind of cool, too, even though you can get by with just English.
Anyway, my pop-psych take on depression is that it happens when we sink into ourselves, and life becomes like some deep, dark valley that allows only brief flashes of sunlight. It’s when we reach outside of ourselves—toward goals, towards a purpose, towards other people—that we lift ourselves out of depression. You routinely find inspiration in song lyrics; right there, that’s a form of reaching outside of yourself. Just maintain that spirit with other things you do, and you’ll be out of your funk, or so I believe.
Maybe think about providing your dogs with new experiences. There’s an angle. Take them somewhere where there’s a bunch of new smells, or somewhere that they have walk carefully, like stepping stones across a creek or some rickety bridge. Or splurge on a doggie treadmill of some kind. I’ve seen my share of hilarious YouTube videos showing dogs and cats trying to master treadmills. Dogs aren’t capable of gathering experiences and gaining sophistication the way humans can, but on some level, they still remember what they’ve experienced, and maybe they’re enriched by it. (Or train them to do tricks! There’s a ton of YouTube vids about that, too!) Live for your dogs as much as you live for yourself.
Anyway, if depression is a valley, there are many paths leading out of it. Or so I think. I’m not a psychiatrist. For what it’s worth, this too shall pass. Just avoid staying attached to your depression. Think of it like weather: it’s there; you endure it; it goes away.
…or somewhere that they have walk carefully…
“…or somewhere that they have TO walk carefully…”
Boy, I’m turning into a real error factory. I blame the carbs.
No, I haven’t. I rarely walk them outside of the neighborhood because strays are such a big problem here. On Wednesday’s walk, Max was constantly kicking away the strays that would attack his dog as we passed by. Very stressful.
As for the trash, that’s pretty much the end state. One thing the garbage collectors do here, though, is the separation of trash into recyclables. So, they’ll bag it up on the street before loading it (usually). Technically, the law is “no separation, no pickup,” but like a lot of other laws, it is mostly ignored.
Thanks for the advice regarding depression. It’s been an ongoing battle throughout my life, so this isn’t really anything new, and this bout isn’t particularly severe. You are right, though; I need to get out of my own head for a while and try on some new experiences. Travel would be an excellent diversion. I’ve even got a couple of places in mind I’d like to see.
But yeah, I think you nailed it–you have to lift yourself up and start thinking outside of yourself. There are plenty of opportunities to do so; I just need to let go and live them.
Thanks again for the roadmap!
Agree with what Kevin said about finding new outlets. But, the human brain is a mysterious piece of hardware, and depression something equally as mysterious.
Is being a rut causing your feelings of depression, or is the depression causing you to be in a rut?
But, it definitely would not hurt to change up your surrounding and stimuli a bit. It may involve travel to different parts of the PI. It may involve shorter travel. I know i mentioned before meetup.org Guessing there is not much activity in your neck of the woods, but maybe a long weekend (or weekends) to someplace like Manila if there are actives that pique your interest. See if that helps.
Have mentioned the layman’s definition of insanity: repeating the same action (or maybe activity) and expecting a different result. Maybe also applies a bit to depression. :shrug
But definitely worth a shot to shake things up a bit.
Not sure of the root causes, but I have to believe I have the power to change my outlook. As I found out yesterday, it can and will get worse. I just need to take control and move forward–not sure what I actually wind up doing will make that much difference. Getting out there and doing it is the important part.