I guess it’s no secret that I’m currently on a low ebb. I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve after all. Of course, I recall all the platitudes along the lines of “this too shall pass”, and I recognize that in the big scheme of things my problems truly are meaningless. I’ve certainly been in much deeper and darker dire straights than I am at this moment.

It’s a transition as much as anything else I suppose. And what’s been interesting is discovering how many people are along for the ride. Being reminded that folks truly care and you are never really alone is comforting. Thank you all for that!

I’m consistent in my narcissism at least. In addition to my ramblings here at LTG, I sometimes leave cryptic posts on my Facebook page. Especially when I’ve been out drinking. The other day I posted what I thought was a rather innocuous statement: “Day 1 of the rest of my life. It’s bound to get better.” I was surprised to wake up the following day to comments from old friends and people I hadn’t heard from in years, offering support and encouragement. That made me feel better for sure. I particularly enjoyed this exchange between ex-wife #3 and my nephew Justin:

Carol:
You are alone because you chose to leave your family and your country to live among strangers. I can see the appeal of an adventure but adventures end. Maybe its time for a new adventure/experience.

Justin:
Obviously I don’t know the intricacies of your relationship with John, but at face value I have to disagree with your statement. Some of the closest friends I’ve made are Korean. I’ve shared and discussed things with my Korean friends that I never felt comfortable sharing with my family or American friends. It’s a topic I share with my mother on a weekly basis, I didn’t leave America out of spite or hatred, and I have no ill will towards my country of birth. I left because it seemed exciting and different to live abroad. I stayed because every day is something new or challenges my American mindset in some way. It’s not about the adventure as much it is about the personal growth I feel living abroad gives me. Honestly, I feel living outside the US makes me a better American. It gives me perspectives outside the American bubble.

Carol:
What I said has nothing to do with me. John has children, grandchildren and brothers-that’s his family. John has acquaintances with whom he is friendly but no best friend. Thank goodness for the dogs or else he would have nothing or no one to call his own within his vicinity. And honey John is not like you. He did not immerse himself nor embrace Korean culture nor Filipino culture. He hangs out with other ex-pats. His contact with the locals seems to be hooking up with local girls. In case you have failed to notice, the man is depressed. He went overseas in search of fulfillment and happiness. It doesn’t appear he has found it. I am blunt and often tone deaf so I put it badly. However, I am not blind or indifferent. John needs try something different or else he is going to succumb to his depressive nature.

Justin:
I don’t want to speak for John, but I think he doesn’t shy away from sharing how he’s feeling when he posts. I’ve visited him a few times in the Philippines and I would say his relationships are anything but transient. Some of his local Filipino friends have also become friends of mine. I’m also a bit concerned when his posts are a bit down, but any transition to a new city (and especially new country) is going to come with its ups and downs. I just think if John was truly unhappy in the Philippines, he wouldn’t stay.

Touching, isn’t it? I thanked them both and offered reassurances that I’m fine overall and I expect to be finer one day soon.

I’ve got to stay strong, my dogs need me!

Speaking of Buddy, he’s got a girlfriend. Or at least some bitch that runs loose in the neighborhood and likes to hangout around my house and tease the boys. Sometimes she even follows us when we do our morning walk. Buddy whines hornily but of course I won’t let them mate.

I’m not a total prick though. I have started leaving a bowl of dry dog food out on the front porch for her every morning.

Alright then, onward and upward! And thanks again dear readers for being “my understanding ear”.

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”

― Stephen King