Comments Posted By Kevin Kim
Displaying 3,571 To 3,600 Of 4,403 Comments
“If ya’ gotta go, go with a smile!”
– the Joker, “Batman,” 1989» Posted By Kevin Kim On 11/August/2018 @ 8:14 pm
If you’re bored, you can go hunting for brightly colored, poisonous insects. I bet there are a lot of them just sitting around, waiting. Biding their time.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 11/August/2018 @ 8:03 pm
No water, no navigable roads… here’s hoping there are no more “no”s.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 09/August/2018 @ 1:13 am
I worry, sometimes, about how safe these trails are. Do you feel safe doing them? I’d probably be too much of a pussy to become a Hasher.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 07/August/2018 @ 4:46 pm
Ha ha—understood.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 07/August/2018 @ 1:22 am
Ah, zee Fraintch!
Alas, we’re dealing with typos, bad grammar, and fictional French words. Here we go:
La coupe du monde absolu = the Absolute World Cup
Juillet 2018 = July 2018 (you figured that out, I bet)
Vive la Nation = Long Live the NationOu est le papier?? = “Where is the paper?” but there’s a typo: the “u” in “Ou” (“where”) should have a grave accent: “Où.” Without the accent, “Ou” means “or.” “Or is the paper?”
Qu est le papier = probably the same question, but the idiot typed a “Q” instead of a proper capital “O.” Thanks to the typo, the question now looks like an ungrammatical version of “What is the paper?” (“Qu’est-ce le papier?”—kess luh pah-pyay?)
Monsieur, Monsieur, je fait le manure! = “Sir, Sir, I’m making manure!” Only a person with no idea how to pronounce French would think this rhymes. One grammar issue is that “I’m making” isn’t written as “je fait”: it’s “je fais,” with an “s” to indicate the first-person singular. Another issue is that “manure” is an English word. The French have several words for manure, often related to what farm animals produce in great volume: le fumier, la bouse, etc. French kids say, “Je fais caca!” when they’re declaring that they’re pooping.
Ou est le papier?? = same as before: “Where’s the paper?”
What a godawful stupid faux-French rhyme. And people actually sing that? Here, let me compose a French poem that no one will sing, but if you want to hear it pronounced more or less correctly, run it through Google Translate and click the little speaker icon.
un Français est dans les chiottes
avec de la merde sur les bottes
y chie et y pousse
et la merde éclabousse
à la fin, y’est fier de ses crottesI’m actually kinda proud of that poem, which follows the rhythm of an English limerick. The word “y,” used above (and pronounced “ee”), is a slangy way of writing the personal pronoun “il,” which means “he.” The line y chie et y pousse, then, means “he craps and he strains (i.e., pushes hard).”
Translation (with no attempt at rhyming):
A Frenchman is in the shitter
with some shit on his boots
he poops and he strains
and the shit splashes out
in the end, he is proud of his crap.Rough translation (with an attempt at rhyming and rhythm):
A Frenchman a-sits in the loo
with some shit perched atop o’ his shoe
he craps; his teeth gnash
and the feces doth splash
in the end, he be proud of his pooI think that could be worth reciting loudly while drunk. If you do it, please send me video.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 06/August/2018 @ 6:59 pm
All joking aside, I think you’re way too young to have moved into the incontinent phase of your existence. But just in case you’re the cautious type, you might want to think about investing in a waterproof mattress cover—the kind that goes under the cloth covering. That way, if there are any further mishaps, they’ll go no deeper than the plastic, which will usually be washable, and might even be made of some sort of antibacterial material. Here in Korea, GMarket sells such covers; it’s only a matter of ordering one in the correct size.
If, by the way, more mishaps did occur, I’d surmise that the issue would have nothing to do with either age or alcohol, but could be a symptom of some other condition, in which case you’d need to be checked out.
But maybe you were just having an especially relaxing dream!
OK, I’ll leave you alone now. Heh.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 05/August/2018 @ 10:31 pm
This’ll be a real test of her loyalty.
And let me take this opportunity to welcome you to the Continent of Incontinence! Plant your flag proudly!
I’ll confess that I almost shit the bed a couple years back. What happened is that I was sick and diarrhetic, and I was alternating between farts and wet shotgun-blasts of the brown stuff. I was either in bed, farting, or on the toilet, like an inverted Old Faithful, for most of that day. Farting was like playing Russian roulette, and on one occasion, I lost: I was lying on my side, trying to squeeze out a fart, but little did I know that there was a shit plug just on the inside of my anus, and when I tried to push out the fart, the plug came out first, followed by a small burst of diarrhea. I quickly squeezed my asshole shut so as not to release anything more, but the damage had been done. Because I was on my side, I managed to shit my underwear but not the bed. To get off the bed without soiling the mattress, I rolled onto my front and crawled off, Spider-Man-style, before schlepping straight to the toilet. Luckily, the bathroom was all hard, cleanable surfaces, so I was able to strip off the soiled undies and fire the rest of the diarrhea into the bog. I then hand-washed my tainted garments in warm water and bleach (germs cause the odor; bleach kills germs), then running the underpants through a standard cycle, with detergent, in my washing machine.
So you’re not exactly alone, and as for me, I’ve been paranoid ever since. You and I may have to start doing butt-Kegels exercises. Just to be sure.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 05/August/2018 @ 7:58 pm
I know I’m not supposed to be laughing…
I know I’m not supposed to be laughing…
I guess the practical question is whether you plan to keep your befouled mattress. If the answer is “keep,” then here you go.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 05/August/2018 @ 4:50 pm
We like to keep our lord and savior close during moments of passionate fluid exchange.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 04/August/2018 @ 6:08 pm
Before: “Had a fight with Marissa.”
After: “Made up with Malissa.”It may be time to cut back on the booze. Either you’re unintentionally banging two different women, or your memory’s being eroded by alcohol. Just make sure not to cry out “Malissa!” when you’re in medias res. Consonants can kill.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 04/August/2018 @ 2:13 pm
All the food looks amazing. Peas, carrots, potatoes, corn—absolutely none of that is Atkins-friendly. I’m proud of you. Fuck Dr. Atkins. He can burn in hell.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 02/August/2018 @ 8:57 pm
Interesting information! Electricity seems as expensive as it is here in Korea, but water is pretty cheap (of course, I pay no water bill except for whatever bottled water I buy, and I buy that only rarely).
Congrats on the weight, and especially on the resting heart rate, which is one of your most important vital stats. I’ve been doing stairs lately, almost every day, so I hope to join you in the 60-ish BPM club soon.
May you continue to enjoy the life you’ve chosen!
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 01/August/2018 @ 4:56 pm
Well, I’m glad you managed to avoid both injury on the trail and weird diseases in the bed!
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 31/July/2018 @ 1:52 pm
“Oh. Guess I should have said “a” shot… English is such a difficult language!”
Har har.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 31/July/2018 @ 2:46 pm
Jesus Christ, man. I thought you’d lost your dog to a hunter or something.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 30/July/2018 @ 4:17 pm
The slow-cooked food looks great! Good luck with the meat-shopping.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 30/July/2018 @ 1:53 am
Is there anything that can be done to prevent water and power issues from plaguing you in the future? Not that such issues are 100% preventable even in the first world, of course…
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 29/July/2018 @ 3:22 am
Never a boring day! Did Marissa start to sort out her flooding problem?
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 26/July/2018 @ 2:23 am
Quite an adventure. I hope Marissa is somehow able to sort out her disaster. What a mess, eh?
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 24/July/2018 @ 4:54 pm
Hang tough! May the Force be with you.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 23/July/2018 @ 5:09 pm
Whew. It’s almost as if, wherever you go, the soap opera follows. Narrow escape, this time!
Anyway, good luck keeping Little Head in check. Robin Williams did plenty of Popeye jokes, in his day, about that monster.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 20/July/2018 @ 5:28 pm
And I thought that Ted Rall toon looked familiar…
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 20/July/2018 @ 1:58 am
“Punishment is its own reward.” Now that’s a piece of wisdom to take with you to the S&M den!
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 19/July/2018 @ 9:18 pm
Awesome to see your relationship with Buddy evolving in a good way. There are doubtless some videos online about curbing his less-desirable behaviors.
I discovered by accident that our family cat, Mozart, loved used Q-tips. He’d gnaw on the cotton ends, redolent with human earwax, until there was almost nothing left. Little in life made him happier, and once I discovered Mozart’s predilection… I made every effort, from then on, to give him my used Q-tips. Yum.
Today’s Captcha code: FU44. That’s “Fuck you, Obama,” right?
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 19/July/2018 @ 5:12 pm
This wasn’t the “hot and wet” you signed up for, I gather.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 18/July/2018 @ 2:30 pm
Oh, yeah: meant to say your chili looks damn good. Corn bread, too.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 17/July/2018 @ 2:21 pm
For what it’s worth, I do put onions in my chili: either I use dried-onion flakes, or I grind up fresh onions (I’ve also used onion powder, but that feels like a cop-out). The thing I don’t want is large* chunks of onion floating around in my chili; there’s something about the texture that’s very off-putting to me, and this undoubtedly harks back to some issue from my childhood. I actually don’t mind the taste of onions, and I’ve been known to grab a handful of deep-fried onions and crunch on them.
Sorry to hear you got the ice-block treatment.
__________
*Any piece of onion larger than what you see on a Big Mac is “large” to me. Strict standards.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 17/July/2018 @ 1:46 pm
You made the right call. Her “I’m not sure” tells you all you need to know. Other fish in the sea.
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 16/July/2018 @ 4:56 pm
«« Back To Stats PageIs this really the end? Somehow, this doesn’t sound like the end. She may be sorting things out in her own head. Anyway, my sympathies, and I hope the blues pass quickly. At least now, you’ve got a little Buddy that you can always come home to.
(Why am I imagining your housekeeper smiling fiendishly at this new turn of events…?)
» Posted By Kevin Kim On 14/July/2018 @ 4:45 pm