Comments Posted By John McCrarey
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The Johnny being referred to is a vlogger on YouTube; I’m that other guy, presumably.
A “monger” is what the guys who rent the girls from the bars for a night call themselves. It is short for whore monger. Their motto is, “I don’t pay the girls for sex; I pay them to leave in the morning.” That’s the opposite of what I’m looking for, hence, I don’t meet the monger definition. Thankfully.
I wound up in San Narcisco instead. It’s a getaway with Swan.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 04/August/2023 @ 6:29 am
Kev, thanks for sending me over to re-read your review. I’m going to try and find it and watch it before I grow too old to do so.
Yeah, I’d seen that Family Guy clip before. I hadn’t been inside the Rock Lobster bar for quite some time; very nice inside. I never understood the name, though. Looks like I’ll be back on some Tuesdays in the future. The RSL meets weekly, although I doubt I’ll attend that frequently. They start at 2:30, and that’s a tad early for me to start drinking. That’s one of the reasons I quit darts.
Eh, don’t get me started on Yanks using British expressions! I’ve been down that road and (mostly) learned my lesson. Although I honestly don’t share your disdain for the practice–we fought and won the freedom to take what we want from the King-worshipers. But good on ya for caring about the language! (sorry, couldn’t resist!)
And thanks for introducing me to the Axis of Awesome. That was funny, entertaining, and educational all at once. Who knew so much music could come from four little chords?
» Posted By John McCrarey On 03/August/2023 @ 6:22 am
Yeah, I remember hearing about it when it was released. I recognized the name because of his great job overall with the LOTR movies. It doesn’t look like it is on Netflix, but I’ll try to find it and give it a watch.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 03/August/2023 @ 5:51 am
Thanks for your encouragement, BW.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 02/August/2023 @ 2:24 pm
Kev, the only symbolism of that empty chair is Swan’s continued desire not to be photographed. Take from that what you will.
Swan is technically my part-time caregiver, and I guess that once I move in, I’ll find some things for her to do for me. The real purpose for hiring her was to provide cover for her to live under the same roof and be seen in town with me during her 365 days of mourning. I’m her boss, not her boyfriend.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 02/August/2023 @ 6:07 am
Brian, yes, that grocery expense includes food and supplies for my live-in helpers. I could reduce what I spend by being more frugal with my purchases–imported goods ain’t cheap, but I really don’t want to live a life where I deny myself things I want unless I have to. Right now, I can afford to fill my cart without paying attention to the price of the items, but I think some future prudence may be warranted.
It’s kind of the same with the restaurant category–that includes food I buy for companions or the bargirls. Last night I bought Swan a mango shake for 250 pesos. I bought a side of fries at Mugshots for me (150 pesos) and chicken wings (350 pesos) for the girls. So, I spent 3x more on food for others than I did for myself. I guess it’s just the way I roll.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 02/August/2023 @ 6:00 am
Drain, no question about it, those lady drink expenditures are way out of line. My goal is a 50% reduction. It would make more sense if that were a barfine budget, but I’m not interested in bargirl takeout. In my mind, I do try and justify this expenditure as “charity” work–the girls rely on drink commissions to augment their meager salaries, and I feel sorry for them sometimes. Still, there are better ways to spend that money, and you have to draw the line somewhere. I’ll figure it out.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 02/August/2023 @ 5:46 am
Brian, funny story! But yeah, some of the crap that results from oversensitivity is more offensive than the original words. What a world!
» Posted By John McCrarey On 02/August/2023 @ 6:02 am
I’m also suspicious when I see such an extensive menu–it seems impossible to get it all right all the time. That said, I’ve never had a bad dining experience at Jewel (I used to go there for breakfast frequently). If I have any complaint, it is that portion sizes tend to be smallish. Still, the prices are much lower than competitors like Sit-n-Bull.
As government employees, we were regularly required to attend diversity training seminars. I recall one session where the instructor advised us not to call the paper easel board he was using a “flip chart” because the term flip is considered derogatory to Filipino people. Instead, we were told to call it a “rip chart.” Being the kind of guy I am, I raised my hand and asked, “Can I still flip a coin?” and “If someone cuts me off in traffic, can I flip them the bird?” I don’t think he appreciated my humor. One of the Philippines-related forums I engage with does not allow the word flip to be used. They have some algorithm that automatically changes “flip” to “Filipino.” So, if you write about the popular footwear “flip flops,” it becomes “Filipino flops,” which, to my thinking, sounds worse. Also, Filipinos here don’t seem bothered by the word and use it in context frequently.
Er, what can I say? I totally forgot about that post, and my comment there clearly indicates that I got the message. I guess sometimes my inherent ignorance overwhelms common sense. In my defense, though, I’m not going for the “uh” context; in my mind, I’m making the ur sound as a pause after one of my bad puns. Anyway, I’ve re-read your post and am now re-educated. Hopefully, I will avoid this particular sin in the future.
Jesus, I can’t believe I unfurled that misused word. I guess it doesn’t matter what you have in your pocket if your head is empty. Weird how that happens, though; despite all evidence to the contrary, I know better.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 01/August/2023 @ 7:32 am
Well, the pun I was trying for was the play on raining and reining. I didn’t mean to imply that it worked. I already bought and paid for a year of Grammarly Premium, and it automatically offers suggestions almost everywhere I write. I ignore a lot of them, but it does remind me at least to pay attention to my words and punctuation.
The rainy season here lasts from June to October and features typhoons, monsoons, and tropical storms with heavy rains. I’ve been amazed that the infrastructure has not been designed to deal with this annual phenomenon. During my five years here, I’ve seen several major drainage projects, but none seem to help much, and some have made it worse. The flooding last night was triggered by a combination of downpours and high tide–the river couldn’t empty into the bay, so it backed up and flowed into the streets. I’m indeed blessed to live above it all!
» Posted By John McCrarey On 31/July/2023 @ 7:07 am
Thanks, Brian. I am confident that Swan and I will find a middle ground if it is meant to be. The key is to be honest with each other and say what is in our hearts. My sense is that she is not the controlling type. She has made it clear that she is not interested in the bar scene but does not object to my occasional participation without her. I’d rather be with her anyway, but sometimes some space is healthy too. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 31/July/2023 @ 1:39 pm
It’s tough for me to go “all in” when she is not ready, willing, and able to do so–at least until the magical 365 days have passed. Still, we are making progress. She isn’t comfortable going out to dinner together because of the small town gossip (which is something real here, especially among Filipinas), and I understand that. So, I’m looking at some alternatives, like having dates on SBMA. We are also talking about a getaway to Pundaquit and she liked that idea and even suggested the possibility of an overnight stay. And we’ve both used the “L” word, at least in our messages. So, we are getting there.
I guess I have created the wrong impression about the importance of the bargirls to me. With one or two exceptions (like Joy at Hideaway), they are all interchangeable; I can take them or leave them. I consider Joy a friend, but I do not desire anything more than that from her. Last night I did the feeding at Hideaway, which to me is a charitable good deed kind of thing, then I went to Sloppy Joe’s and hung out with my fellow expats. You don’t see male Filipinos in the bars much, but I intend to spend less time in venues where lady drinks are expected.
Given my disastrous history in the realm of love, I need to proceed cautiously and try to avoid past mistakes. Swan is unlike other women I have met here, and I think she is worth the risk. I hope she will accept me as I am, even as I strive to improve. But I love her enough to accept that if she finds me unworthy, I will not hesitate to let her go. I want her love, but I do not need it. That is unusual for me, and hopefully, it will be a strong foundation for building our relationship. Time will tell.
As always, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 31/July/2023 @ 6:50 am
Thanks for the feedback, Kevin. Food for thought and things I need to consider as I move forward. I guess the fact that the bargirls don’t mean anything to me beyond drinking companionship perhaps makes me minimize the impact my interactions with them may have with an actual girlfriend. I do intend to be upfront and honest with Swan and at least give due consideration to any objections she raises.
That said, I’m not the type to subordinate who I am to appease unwarranted jealousy. Swan would be welcome to join me on any of my bar excursions; if she chooses not to do so, I don’t feel obligated to alter my activity. That said, I will not be going out every night like I currently do. I’m also considering doing something like playing darts again when I am out. I also plan to choose bars where buying lady drinks is not expected; that should alleviate many of the issues you raise here.
I think the issues with the blog would be more that I am invading her privacy by talking about our relationship. I mean, I’m using the fake name, and I haven’t posted photos, but still. I remember how Pearl got upset when she learned about the blog and I had to go back and make posts mentioning her unavailable to my readers (I’ve since reversed that decision). So, yeah, I’m going to need to consider whether my “diary” format is something worthwhile to continue.
I agree the “how would I feel if she did it” rule of thumb is a good standard for me assess my actions. And yes, as I begin to pull away from my old life, I’m starting to realize that I do, in fact, enjoy it. I believe the life I’m pursuing in a relationship with Swan will be better, but it will be an adjustment.
Bottom line: I intend to be honest and upfront with Swan about my actions. That said, I don’t want to disclose the blog because, in a weird way, I don’t see it as any of her business. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I really don’t want to lose the feedback I get from readers like you. For now, at least, she can find it on her own or not at all. I prefer the latter.
Lots to think about and consider. Thanks for getting me started.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 30/July/2023 @ 5:41 pm
Seeing an old friend again and enjoying their company doesn’t really equate to a “roving eye.” Even back when I was a regular at Alley Cats, I didn’t engage in flirty behavior with Jerlyn. Most often, she would offer opinions and advice on my futile efforts in pursuit of Filipinas. I did mention to her that I’m seeing Swan now. And I’ve told Swan about the bargirls I drink with, although I didn’t specifically mention taking occasional photos. I do that for my blog readers as much as anything. I don’t believe Swan knows about my blog. If and when she discovers it, I’ll have to be much more discreet in what I write about our burgeoning relationship.
The flooding here is legendary. Also deadly. Lots more rain yesterday, and this morning I’m seeing Facebook posts with photos and videos of flooded houses. What a mess that must be. I’m blessed to live in Alta Vista. And yes, I’ve heard that joke, but it’s a good one and appropriate to the weather. I’ll use it next time I’m in the bars.
When I used barangay yesterday, I had that thought about my inconsistency in capitalization. I haven’t gotten a straight answer on when “barangay” should be capitalized. I asked Joy last night after seeing your comment, and she said, “Yes, but it doesn’t have to be.” That seems consistent with the way most things are done in this country. A cursory glance at Google showed the word both ways, so I still don’t know. My plan henceforth is to capitalize when referencing a particular place, like Barangay Barretto. In general use, “I’m going to the barangay today,” I won’t use the capital letter. Unless a grammar expert tells me otherwise. (Ha, Grammarly just advised me to capitalize barangay in this comment. It didn’t do that when I wrote yesterday’s post.)
Still raining this morning.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 30/July/2023 @ 6:46 am
Kev, it remains to be seen if the move will happen earlier. Some folks came to look at my current place yesterday and decided it was too small for their needs. The agent says she still has two more prospects, so we’ll see. I’m motivated to find a replacement renter in order to reduce whatever liability I am going to incur for breaking my lease. I have a two-month deposit and one-month advance rent being held by my landlord.
Your cordon bleu looks good to me. I wish I had taken an inside shot like you did. That’s what really impressed me. It looks like a lot of work to make it come out right.
Yeah, I don’t want to give up the fight for Swan’s heart. My sense is she is worth it, and good things await me if I persevere. The only doubts I’m harboring are whether I am right for;her and have the ability to meet her long-term needs. Only one way to find out!
Thanks for the song link; I was never a big fan of George Michael and wasn’t familiar with this tune. Nice!
» Posted By John McCrarey On 29/July/2023 @ 7:09 am
If you can’t be with the one you love…
Yeah, that’s a good song too and fitting. I’ll play it for Swan next time I’m the DJ.
Another one I’ve been thinking of playing is the Elton John “Love Song”:
The words I have to say
May well be simple but they’re true
Until you give your love
There’s nothing more that we can doLove is the opening door
Love is what we came here for
No one could offer you more
Do you know what I mean?
Have your eyes really seen?You say it’s very hard
To leave behind the life we knew
But there’s no other way
And now it’s really up to youLove is the key we must turn
Truth is the flame we must burn
Freedom the lesson we must learn
You know what I mean
Have your eyes really seen?» Posted By John McCrarey On 31/July/2023 @ 1:44 pm
Soju, nope, never been gifted Spam, but I’d buy it in the commissary and share with friends in Korea.
Man, I’d love to find have a Waffle House here. Lots of American chains here, but nothing like that Southern-style eating.
Those construction guys aren’t working for me, they are beholden to my future landlord. I’m sure they were at the end of their shift when I arrived. I had to jump over that newly laid cement.
Yep, I could get used to the life being under Swan’s care.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 27/July/2023 @ 3:54 pm
Kev, I forgot to respond to the prostitution aspect of your comment. When I first started visiting the Philippines, or more precisely, the prostitution bars, I was very conflicted. Were these women being exploited, and was my presence contributing to their sexploitation? I eventually came to the conclusion that the girls were there by choice (obviously, human trafficking is a whole other scenario). Talking to them, I learned that salaries in “legit” unskilled jobs like working at the mall are incredibly low. One girl told me she makes more weekly than regular jobs pay in a month. I came to the conclusion that men sell their bodies as laborers carrying bricks on their backs all day. How is it different for a woman who chooses to make a living lying on her back? Again, no one is being forced to work in a bar, but as unpleasant as it must be (I still feel sorry for the girls), it is the best option for making a decent living (heh, in an indecent fashion) available for many of them. When the do-gooders come in and shut down the bars, the girls inevitably wind up on the street without the protections the bars provide. That’s not being rescued! Anyway, a woman should be free to choose what she wants to do with her body.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 27/July/2023 @ 7:32 am
The steak came out medium, so not perfect, but it was alright.
I should have written that my driver took Swan and ME back to Olongapo. That’s the way I would have said it; not sure why I wrote it the wrong way.
Canapés it is, then! I’m not a fan of Spam, but these really were quite tasty.
Regarding the Stills song, I’ve always thought of it as being about getting over a broken heart. “Don’t sit crying over good times you had” and “Turn your anger right into joy, she’s a girl, and you’re a boy” seem to suggest that fucking is a suitable method of forgetting. Now, the other night with Swan, I was thinking in similar terms as if I were giving her advice: He’s gone. I’m here. Love the one you’re with. Nothing sinister about that!
Well, I do hope that Swan provides some balance in my life. I don’t intend to abandon my bar life completely, but I know I would enjoy having some semblance of home life. There’s a whole world of Netflix to explore!
» Posted By John McCrarey On 27/July/2023 @ 7:00 am
DS, yep, there apparently is a huge market for faux outrage these days. I’d never heard of the song before reading about the trumped-up controversy. Reading the lyrics is all that is required to see what the song is really all about–you fuck with me, I’ll fuck you up. Only a pussy would feel otherwise. The left’s hypocrisy is on full display here–not a peep about the rap songs explicitly calling for violence.
Yes, I have heard stories about how so many young girls are abused by family and neighbors. That’s a sick aspect of this culture. The girls aren’t even getting paid for that! In this case the young woman claims she was “sold” into prostitution by her mother at age 12. I doubt she was walking the streets of Angeles at that age, it would be way too obvious for the authorities to ignore. That said, some underage working girls make their money through blackmail, often working in conjunction with corrupt police. There’s a saying, “15 will get you 20 in this country.” The thought of getting inadvertently involved with someone underage is terrifying to me. When in doubt, I just walk away.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 27/July/2023 @ 6:31 am
Yeah, more like typhoon season.
No, cooking isn’t part of the job. My other helper occasionally cooks breakfast or lunch, but I usually fend for myself in the kitchen. This is more of an invite to Swan’s place kind of thing. Looking forward to enjoying a meal with her that she prepared for especially for me for the first time.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 25/July/2023 @ 5:32 pm
Yes, scary times indeed, Drain. I fear for the future of my country.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 25/July/2023 @ 5:32 pm
Nope, my boys are still virgins, and I hope to keep them that way.
Um, the cake photo is just something I came across on the internet. It reminded me of something else, thus the double-entendre of “having your cake and eating it too.” I’m not sure if the cake is chocolate, but it does appear to be female.
It did rain some before and during the Hash run. Thankfully, not enough to wash away the trail markings.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 25/July/2023 @ 4:27 am
Was Liza getting fresh? No, not at all. She’s in a relationship and not into guys. And, of course, I’m in a relationship too!
Yes, the shelter will have to be strong to withstand the elements. I also want a thatched top to keep the heat down–those metal roofs can feel like an oven.
I’d never heard the term favela before, thanks for the link. Yes, that word aptly describes many of these squatter towns and shanty villages I pass through during my hikes. I’m happy the folks are generally friendly and welcoming.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 24/July/2023 @ 6:35 am
Thanks, Drain. Eyes wide open, but this feels different somehow. No choice but to take the chance and see where it goes. “What if?” hurts longer than a broken heart.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 24/July/2023 @ 6:25 am
DS and Kev, yes, I will discuss that with Swan over coffee in the morning. Maria, the Filipina widow I mentioned earlier, also made the point that she thinks sharing the same house the deceased lived in would be a mistake. They only lived there a couple of years, but the place is full of pictures and other mementos of Swan’s life with him. I’ll need to make sure Swan is comfortable with my living there in her presence.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 23/July/2023 @ 4:38 pm
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insights, Kevin. “Liberty through boundaries”–I like it! I’m definitely in uncharted waters, but I am feeling optimistic. In a twisted kind of way, this is an opportunity to do things differently, and perhaps I’ll achieve a more desirable result. I’m all in!
No worries about me seeking comfort through other female companions. Despite our uncertain circumstances, I consider myself in a committed relationship with Swan. I’ve already spread the word to the gals who express any interest beyond a lady drink. And yes, that includes telling them no more backrubs–“My girlfriend wouldn’t like it.”
It is too soon to call myself a changed man, but I do feel differently and have a new attitude. I’m committed to making things work with Swan in the long term. I’m not going to do anything to fudge that up.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 23/July/2023 @ 6:45 am
Kevin, the water and mud did deposit a sandy substance inside the shoes, which was mildly irritating. Unlike your marathons, I only had about 2K left to walk in wet footwear. My helper always cleans and dries my hiking shoes after a watery adventure.
I sincerely appreciate your advice regarding Swan and your experience-based insights on the way forward. I’ve had a similar chat with another reader who talked with me from her perspective as a Filipina widow. I was only vaguely familiar with that one year of mourning, but it is a HUGE deal in the culture here. Clearly, I’m going to need to adjust my thinking or let go. I’m not inclined to give up on someone as rare and wonderful as Swan, so I’m going to need to achieve a comfort level we can both accept. It’s been almost four months since Swan lost her man, so there is still a long way to go.
I have already had one discussion with Swan about my marital status. She was afraid my wife would cause us trouble, and I reassured her that wasn’t the case. Jee Yeun and I have been apart longer now than we were together, and she has never asserted any remaining privileges as a wife. It was her decision to leave, and I believe the hassle of processing a divorce is on her. I personally don’t care about being legally married (however, there are some financial advantages); it doesn’t change anything. I did assure Swan that unlike in the Philippines, a divorce in the USA would be quick and simple should I ever be motivated to pursue one.
Yes, I’m at a crossroads in my life (again), and I need to choose the path to follow carefully. Lots to think about as I try and determine if I’m capable of doing what is required to live the life I’ve dreamed of for so long.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 22/July/2023 @ 6:37 am
Then I would have grabbed my lighter and flamed that Moth Man. Or we could have talked about old times in Charleston.
» Posted By John McCrarey On 22/July/2023 @ 1:58 pm
«« Back To Stats PageYeah, I’m going to add it to my queue, just so I can revisit Phnom Penh…
» Posted By John McCrarey On 21/July/2023 @ 8:20 am