I didn’t engage in the formal New Year’s resolution game. That said, I do have good intentions about changing some of my outlooks and perspectives on life. Might as well emphasize the positives rather than lament the losses. And when I take a step back and look at what I have, well, there’s a helluva lot to be thankful for. It’s not always easy to escape the trap of thinking in terms of what you want and don’t have or to focus on what you had and lost, but really those issues are trivial in the grand scheme of things. Or so I keep telling myself.

Anyway, I have my life. 66 years old and still hitting the hiking trails, dart boards, and bars. That I’m still healthy enough to do the things I most enjoy is a blessing beyond measure.

I had another nice hike today with the Wednesday Walkers. The social aspects of the group treks are perhaps the best part of the journey. Getting out and exploring new territory, enjoying the beauty that surrounds us, and sharing in the sense of adventure as we make our way is truly something special.

And then there’s my drinking life. I’m actually a lonely guy most of the time, so spending time in the bars with my bar “friends” and acquaintances more or less fills that void. I’m not foolish enough to believe that the gals I ply with drinks actually care about me, but that doesn’t stop us from having a good time either. I’m not even sure what is real anymore. I thought the love I briefly shared with XXXX was something special and amazing. But even in my disappointment in discovering that her version of love was unworthy of mine, I was reminded of an important lesson: people will reveal to you the true nature of their character if you keep your wits about you and your eyes wide open.

Another side benefit to my nightly bar excursions is eating out.

Anyway, if there is a point to this pointless post it is that I’m doing alright. I guess some of my posts on Facebook have made some people concerned about the state of my emotional health. One friend has committed to finding me a girlfriend to start the new year. HaHa, I don’t think that’s the kind of help I need, but I do appreciate the sentiment. Sometimes the pain and disappointment you encounter in life lead you to realize what is most important. I’m doing alright with the things that matter most. As long as I hold on to that foundation, I’ll be just fine. As they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

As I’ve gone through this period of reflection I have rediscovered one of the things that bring me comfort during times of emotional turmoil–poetry. In particular, one of my favorites, James Kavanaugh. I lost almost all of my library when I moved to Korea and wife #3 divorced me. I did manage to salvage a few of my poetry books, including this one:

This is from the introduction to the book:

I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know–unless it be to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we want to love and be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or to compete for love.

This is a book for wanderers, dreamers and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. If is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves.

A good reminder to not settle for less than you desire. There are worse things than being alone.