That pretty much sums up my day as I completed my well-being physical examination at Soonchunhwang Medical Center.  The process and procedures seemed to go well although I won’t know the results until next week.

It was certainly the most thorough and comprehensive examination I’ve had that’s for sure.  It started with the requisite stool, urine, and blood samples and progressed from there.  I brought along an interpreter to help guide me through the process and she snapped up some photos along the way as well.  So, let’s blog it, shall we?

So they had me change into these really cool taekwando-type  pajamas.  Made me feel confident and dignified, unlike those American-style gowns that open at the back…

So, it was eyes and ears to start with…

This procedure where they blow air into your eye went fine, but it took several tries (and some eye-dilation) before the technician could get a proper photograph of my retinas.

And then they had me embark and don headphones in this contraption…

Which turned out to be a time machine!  I was whisked back in time and emerged as a 30 year old man once again…

Here is the new young me!  Hey, wait a minute.  Turns out I was getting my hearing checked not traveling through time.  Damn.

Next I had an ultrasound.  Turns out I’m carrying twins.  No wonder I’m so fat!  Actually, all I heard from this is my liver is enlarged and I should curtail my drinking.  Yeah, right.  As soon as I stop breathing…

This is where I laid on a cot and had a bunch of wires attached to my body.  Boring!

Ah, the chest x-ray.

Seeing as how I’m a non-smoker this shouldn’t be a problem.  Although those 25 years I did smoke may come into play…

Ah, the traditional “in body exam”.  Not nearly as cool as an “out of body experience”, but then having one of those in the hospital may not be too wise as they are liable to haul your body down to the morgue.

So, I’m not exactly sure how this thing works, but I’m guessing it is like a spectrograph that measures the fat content of your body and crap like that.  The screen readouts were in Hanguel, but from what I could make out I’m 117 kgs and I should be 75 by skinny Korean standards.  It’s not exactly a newsflash that I’m fat people.  But I’m working on it!  Oh, I had the dental panoramic x-ray here as well.

So, Soonchunhwang Hospital is actually a complex of several buildings.  And my next test was in the building across the street.  So, they had me put on my “championship” robe and brave the snow and slush outside…

…to get to this building…

…which houses this clinic…

…where I received an echocardigram whatever the hell that is.  The technician was cute though…

Next up was this CT scan…

A Walrus-filled doughnut…

Then it was back across the street to the procedure I had been dreading the most…

The only thing I like down my throat is a pretty girl’s tongue so I asked for and received some “feel good” drugs prior to the procedure…

…which I suspected was going to involve me and one of these gurneys…

Here I go.

Whatever that crap was it gave you instant cotton mouth.  I’m guessing it also suppresses the gag reflex.  Not a pleasant feeling at all.

Waiting for the drugs to kick in…

’cause I don’t even want to think about where that thing is going soon….

Talking about being in a vulnerable position!  But fortunately I was now in my happy place….

Blissful post-op sleep.  I seem to recall waking up during the procedure feeling like I was choking but my hands were bound and I was helpless.  Maybe it was a dream.

Once I was back up and on my feet they had me cross the street again (I know, I know.  But this is Korea) to visit Urology department…

And I had a pretty good idea what was coming next…

…and now you do too…

…ok, let’s just get this over with quickly.  And call me Angel of the Morning…

And that was that.  I’ll see Dr. Yu next Thursday for the results.  So, I was in at 0830 and done at 1230.  And other than the logistics of crossing the street (twice) wearing pajamas in inclement weather, it was a smooth and efficient operation.  Here’s the interesting part–all this testing cost me W750,000 (that’s a tad bit less than $750.)  Not bad.  Although I did get a discount of about $140 because this is the “slow season”.  Can you imagine a U.S. hospital putting medical treatment “on sale”?  I’m not sure how they do it, but maybe Obama ought to check it out.

And that’s not all!  They gave us two free tickets for lunch at a little Korean soup joint across the street from the hospital.

After fasting I’m plenty hungry…

Lunchee is served!

That is a rice and vegetable soup, and although I found it a little on the bland side…

…it didn’t go to waste (other than my own).

Alright, thus ends my tale of adventure at Soonchunhwang Hospital.