Here’s the tale of my first time going under the knife in the Philippines. I’d be pleased if it were my last time as well, but truth be told, I guess things went according to plan.

Arrived at the doctor’s office at Baypointe hospital a little before noon. I took a seat in the waiting area as directed. After a few minutes, the assistant came out and put some drops in my eye for dilation. After a bit, she came back out and inserted more drops in my eye and told me she would take me to have my vitals checked in a few minutes. She came out a third time for the eye drop routine and repeated her promise about the vitals. I told her “that’s what you said last time.” She did return and we went down the hall where they checked my heart rate, blood pressure, and for some reason, weighed me. Then back to the waiting area.

Just a little before 1:00 p.m., the assistant had me follow her to the other side of the hospital where the operating rooms are located. She took me behind a screen and told me to remove my shirt. I bit my tongue and did NOT say the first thought that came to mind: “you first, baby!” My shirt was replaced with a gown and my sandals for slippers. Then I was taken into the waiting area for the operation. My doctor came out but took the woman sitting next to me for surgery first, and he didn’t return for 45 minutes. When he did finally come for me, he said the previous surgery had been difficult but he expected mine to be easier. In short order, I was escorted to the assigned operating room and told to sit in a reclining chair like you see in a dentist’s office.

Now, I’ve been fortunate in life to have not had much experience in having surgical procedures performed on my body–some polyps removed from my colon and a vasectomy are all that come to mind. The first thing I noticed that made this experience different was that there was music being played from a boombox-like contraption–loudly. It was some bluesy tunes from the early 60s, I even recognized a couple of them. I figured I could try and focus on the music and not what was being done to my eye, but I wasn’t very successful in that regard.

As things began, I was instructed to look into the light that was being shined into my eyes. “Better than walking towards the light,” I joked. No one got it. That light was so bright it was actually painful. Then the nurse put some anesthetic in my eye, and that hurt at first too. They taped my eyelids open, and the show was on! The light wasn’t as bright as before, or maybe I had gotten used to it by now. But what was weird was it would change colors and move around a lot. And then there was one point in the procedure where I started seeing things. One vision was like out of a war zone with what appeared to be a collapsed bombed-out building. Later in the procedure, things got colorful, with swirling images dances around. Reminded me of that trip I took on LSD back in the 70s. There was never any real pain, but lots of discomfort. I guess the entire procedure only took about thirty minutes–cutting out the cataract and inserting the new vision lens. At one point I thought I heard the doctor say “uh oh”. I asked him what happened and he said nothing. Why uh oh? He laughed and said I was talking to the nurse and told her oo-oo (yes in Tagalog). Ah, okay. I was damned glad when it was over though.

I was escorted back to the waiting room, which I guess now was the recovery room. Got a prescription for some pills I need to take for a couple of days and some eye drops. Was given the goggles pictured above and told to not touch my eye and to not get water in my eye for two weeks. I asked how I was going to shower and the response was “from the neck down”. I guess I’m supposed to wash my hair in a sink, beauty parlor style (back to the sink). No idea how I’m going to pull that off. I’ll think of something. I was also told to return for a follow-up check today and another on Thursday.

When I got escorted back to the doctor’s office it was just past 2:00. The bill came to 68,000 pesos. I handed over my credit card. The assistant looked at me like I was from another planet. I told her I had already cleared paying by card with the doc, but she appeared clueless. She spoke with someone on the phone and then left the office. My helper said she needed to check with the doctor. So, we waited and waited. The main reason I’m not a doctor is because I have no patience. I was tired and hungry and ready to get moving. In frustration, I went back to the operating room area and the assistant was there, waiting for the doctor’s approval to accept my plastic payment. Apparently, she finally got it, and we all headed downstairs to the cashier.

The assistant and the cashier engaged in a long discussion. Then the assistant came out and said she needed to go upstairs and get more paperwork from the operating room. I was on the verge of losing it. Even my mantra “take a deep breath, relax, and accept the Filipino way” wasn’t working. I said I’d pay tomorrow when I came back for the follow-up visit, but for some reason, that’s not allowed either. In order to avoid making a (bigger) scene, I gave my helper my card and headed outside. About ten minutes later she came out and I signed the ticket. $1,360 for the day’s entertainment.

Went to the drugstore for the meds, then took my helper and driver to Seoul for some eats. I was starving.

I was tempted to have my driver drop me off at It Doesn’t Matter bar on the way home. After all, it was Saturday night. But the skies were threatening rain and I didn’t have an umbrella. How would I keep the eye dry? So, I came on home. Tried to spend some time on the internet, but without glasses, and my new eye swollen post-surgery, it was all just a blur. Wound up doing something I almost never do–watch TV. I don’t have any premium channels these days, so I scrolled through YouTube and took a trip back to the 1950s. Some One Step Beyond episodes that were entertaining, a movie written by Rod Serling that was forgettable (I’ve already forgotten the title), and a better Serling effort about time travel on a show called The Desilu Playhouse that I’d never heard of before. Desi Arnaz did the introduction in his heavily accented English which was entertaining on its own. Maybe I should stay home and watch TV more often? No, I don’t think so.

For the first few hours after surgery, the eye felt like I had a grain of sand in it. Very uncomfortable and I was fearful that was going to be my new normal. Thankfully, that was gone when I woke up this morning. It was replaced by a faint flashing of light in the corner of my eye. Distracting, but I figured I could live with it. That faded away too though.

I was feeling almost normal when I arrived at the doctor’s office for the follow-up this morning. First thing I did was apologize to the assistant for my behavior yesterday. She was nice about it. Then they did the standard eye exam stuff. I was very pleasantly surprised that my new right eye has uncorrected 20-20 vision. Read everything to the bottom of the chart. The left eye isn’t quite as good, but nothing like the right one used to be. I’ve gone without glasses all day and I’m functioning pretty close to normal Doing this post has been a bit blurry, but manageable. I’m thinking I might get reading glasses for the close-up stuff, but have the freedom on the trail to go without glasses in the future.

So, bottom line, it looks like it worked and it was worth it.

Saw this today, and in light of recent events, found it especially funny:

Anyway, I’ve got some lovelife (or lack thereof) stuff to share tomorrow. See you then. See what I mean? See what I’m doing? Okay, I saw that expression you are making. I’ll stop now. I don’t want to be seen as obnoxious.