I was going to title this post “Here we go again,” but I’d used that already. Same with “One more time.” But I’m going to play the relationship game again for the last time, win or lose. Wipe that surprised look off your faces! I really mean it this time.
So, yesterday Swan joined me for chili con carne and cornbread.
Then we started watching my favorite Korean romcom, My Sassy Girl. We had to stop about halfway through because she needed to return home to my future house to pay the construction workers for the work performed to prepare the place for my upcoming move. We’ll pick up where we left off soon.
I made a rare appearance at Alley Cats, my old dart bar, to help Billy celebrate a birthday.
After the party, a darts tournament commenced, so I departed. I spent time at The Annex, Wet Spot, and Hot Zone and then finished my crawl at Alaska. Nothing special to say about the night; well, I only bought two lady drinks which is almost miraculous.
This morning I had a nice solo Sunday hike on the My Bitch trail. I’ll post pictures from that excursion tomorrow. I’ve spent most of the other hours today chatting with Swan. And the big news was revealed in my opening paragraph–we’ve decided to give it a go. Lots of discussing parameters, expectations, and the usual hopes and dreams. The things that attract me to Swan differ from my usual shallow renderings. Don’t get me wrong; she’s sweet, sexy, and smart but also older and wiser than my past encounters.
Anyway, I’m probably as surprised as anyone that things are moving this fast. I’ll need to ingest some beers and consider what happens next. I’m excited but I also need to be cautious about avoiding the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I want this to work. It is likely my last chance.
Here’s the song that came to mind out of the blue as I chatted with Swan. It’s from 1970, and I didn’t like it much back then. But times change, and it seems to fit the moment.
Hey, have you ever tried Really reaching out for the other side I may be climbing on rainbows But baby, here goes Dreams, they're for those who sleep Life is for us to keep And if you're wondering what this song is leading to I want to make it with you I really think that we could make it, girl No, you don't know me well In every little thing only time will tell But you believe the things that I do And we'll see it through Life can be short or long Love can be right or wrong And if I chose the one I'd like to help me through I'd like to make it with you I really think that we could make it, girl Baby, you know that dreams, they're for those who sleep Life is for us to keep And if I chose the one I'd like to help me through I'd like to make it with you I really think that we could make it, girl
I’ll need to ingest some beers and consider what happens next.
Maybe try considering while you’re sober. Beer doesn’t help with rational decision-making.
I’ll cautiously wish you good luck, but there’s a definite “Brace for impact” feeling about all this. All I can do is sigh, sit back, and watch the mess unfold from afar. If she’s still signing on to be some sort of helper (is she?), then your being in a relationship with an employee is going to complicate things.
I’m excited[,] but I also need to be cautious about avoiding the mistakes I’ve made in the past.
• Commit to being devoted only to her. That means no more happy endings from any of your usual sources. I’d also say no more lady drinks leading to back rubs from women who fake-laugh at your jokes. And no more flirtatious behavior around other women—no more of anything that confirms your “player” status to those around you.
• Strive for a partnership, i.e., no talk of how you see her as “taking care of” you as if she were just a servant. This is a two-way street. You take care of each other.
• Avoid being so petty that you see an honest mistake as a deliberate slight. Communication is key. And yes, I realize Asians themselves have a lot to learn in the communication department. Also, I concede that if the same “honest mistake” happens several times in a row, then it might be more than an honest mistake.
• Make her the center of your existence even if that means having to leave your comfort zone every once in a while. Love is risk.
• Avoid texting angrily while drunk. I’d say the best solution for this is simply to avoid ever getting drunk. Can you swing that?
Good luck.
No, Swan will not be an employee in this relationship. When we decided to make this step, she asked me, “Who’s the boss now?” I told her no one is boss; we are partners now.
Yes, I need to avoid any actions that create the appearance of being a player. Giving up the massages or other physical contact is a no-brainer. Since Swan doesn’t like drinking in bars, I specifically asked her about my buying an occasional lady drink for the bargirls I know. I emphasized it was only drinking and chatting–no touching–and she told me she was okay with that. Now obviously, I’m going to need to make some adjustments to the time I spend in the bars without her. Old habits die hard, but I expect I will prefer spending most of my time with Swan. I’m sure there will be some compromising on her part as well. I’ve already decided to stay home on Tuesday, and we’ll finish watching our movie. Friday, the SOB is at Queen Victoria, and I invited Swan to come along, with the added bonus of staying and watching the live music afterward, and she accepted.
I chatted with Swan during my visit to Hideaway last night, and she was familiar with the place, calling it “quiet and friendly.” Again, I don’t usually visit bars that would be a red flag (i.e., with scantily clad dancers), so I’m hopeful my bar time won’t be an issue for us. I didn’t mention the feeding program, but I will when we meet up in person.
You are absolutely right about maintaining open and honest communication. We’ve already talked about how important it will be to share our thoughts and feelings, especially on those occasions when one of us is unhappy about something. So, I think we are on the same page in that regard.
I also don’t think drunken behavior on my part will be a problem. I rarely get that drunk anyway, and I do expect I’ll be reducing my bar time now that I have a better option to fill those hours.
Anyway, we have both acknowledged that we need to take this slowly as we move forward. One day at a time and see what happens.
Kevin speaks truth. Re-read his comment every once in a while.
You mention that Swan does not like going to the bars. So, what are your expectations for yourself as to nights out in the bar? Right now, it is a 7 nights/week process. Are you okay with two nights/week? Two/month?
Hopefully you are correct in that your nights in the bars are a social pursuit, and if you have an alternative, it will not be difficult to give it up.
Good luck!!
Brain, yes indeed, adjustments in lifestyle will be a part of this brave new world I’m entering. I’m not sure how it is going to play out, but I feel confident I’ll achieve the balance necessary between keeping Swan happy and my pursuit of bar time. One idea that has occurred to me is renewing my darts career. That gets me out of the house in a safe and sporting manner. And perhaps Swan might enjoy being my cheerleader. Anyway, I do think I’m going to enjoy sitting on the roof in my new house, a cold beer in hand, taking in the panoramic vistas, and Swan snuggled up by my side. No bar in town can top that!