Well, I achieved the 500 facebook friends milestone. That’s my limit. Any additional adds means someone gets cut. Won’t be a problem though since I’m probably only interacting with 50 or so of these “friends” anyway.
In the realm of “real” friends, I want to give a shout out to Evangeline. She’s someone I’ve “known” online since 2009. When I made the decision to marry Jee Yeun I needed to end our contact. That hurt her I know, but I didn’t have any choice. Once I committed to married life, I had to leave the Philippines and Filipinas behind. A lot of good that did me.
Anyway, after the breakup Eva left a comment on my blog and we reconnected. I had her over for a visit last year and showed her around Korea. It was nice to finally meet her in person, but we were in different places emotionally. I was in denial about my love for Loraine and she was I think hoping to rekindle our previous online romance in the 3D world. Well, that didn’t work out, but to her credit and my good fortune we have developed a very robust and satisfying friendship. I actually consider her my best friend these days. We are open about the things happening in our lives, good and bad. We share words of wisdom, comfort and support with one another. There is a level of trust and honesty between us that has been pretty rare in my life. It’s meant a lot that she has stood by me during my recent heartbreak. Thank you for that, Eva!
Also in the realm of online friendship, I reached out to a fellow member of a PI Forum I’ve communicated with in the past as he hadn’t posted in quite sometime. Turns out he is doing quite well these days. He read about the spectacular failure of my “brand new plan” (hiring someone to be my caregiver/girlfriend) and shared these insights:
Hi John,
I remember your plan about the care-giver. I have not kept up with the PA updates since June of last year. I am reading now your developments since then. quite an emotional trip you’ve had.
We have some similarities in our experiences, you and me. As you know, I struggled for a couple of year to understand what I was going through. This is not easy stuff. PA addicts helps open our eyes and put things in perspective a bit, but it does not solve the problem. The Filipina is on one extreme of the continuum and the BMs here are on the other extreme, but the solution for you and me is in the middle-ground.
You are right in your description of the old foreigners in the bars and in SM, how they look lonely and empty. I see it in the eyes and on their faces every time I am there. Don’t buy their bullshit that they prefer to live this way, just meeting up a girl for p4p twice or three times a week, then live a lonely and empty life the rest of the week. This is all bullshit, they just don’t want to spend the money or they can’t handle a basic relationship. I feel sorry for them too – to drag their asses all the way to the Philippines so that they can live a lonely and purposeless life there? How sad is that?
There are a lot of foreigners who live in the PI who are in very happy relationships with Filipinas. Some have a traditional type relationship and some are swingers and are in open type relationships. If you are willing to spend the money, you can have any type of relationship you want over there. This is what I have learned. The girl will give you anything you want for the money, including affection and loyalty… everything for a price, and yes, that includes devotion and loyalty. Their minds just work different than ours, it is all about survival and the long game. BMs tell you that Filipinas live day by day and don’t think of the future? This is the biggest piece of crap I have heard, it is all about the long game and about the future with Filipinas, all about security in the LONG RUN. You have seen it with your girl and I have seen it with mine.
When I am in the Philippines, I stay in Angeles with my girlfriend. If you recall, she purchased a town home on the hills above Clark, I stay with her over there. We have an open relationship and we are having a lot of fun playing together with all kinds of other people. We are pretty much like Timanglove and his partner. After all that soul searching and deliberation, I have found that this is the only way I am comfortable in a relationship with her. It is not what she prefers, but it is what I prefer. And since I am the one with the resources, this is how it is.
Am I taking a chance that one day I might lose her to a Kev? Yes, but I have learned the hard way that the only way you can have a decent relationship with these Asian beauties is to make your rules clear and be willing to let them go if they cannot meet those rules. So far she is sticking around and she is fully devoted to me.
I will talk to you soon, keep your chin up, what you experienced is normal over there, her choice is about her not about you… long-term security is in their DNA, you cannot separate it from love, the sooner you accept that, the better off you are and the more likely you are to succeed and to enjoy your relationships.
I would love to meet you when I am there so we can chat a length. My girl is only 23 and she is truly a very decent person and very loving and very caring… yet, I know that what keeps us together is money and I accept it now… And until I accepted it, I was not happy, and I could not enjoy myself or optimize the relationship, or my life…
Best,
George
Now, me and George see things a bit differently I think. I’m hoping that someone real will find me in the wilderness of my life and love me for who I am, not for what I have. And I honestly believe that is possible if I’m patient and refuse to settle for something less than that. But I’ll give George his due for accepting his reality for what it is. And choosing to be happy and satisfied with that. Anyway, I do hope to meet him one day and share our joys and sorrows over some cold beers.
Here in the real world I had the pleasure of some company this weekend.
Nephew Justin, and friends Becky and Wan Jun came down from Seoul for the wedding reception….
After a dinner of meatballs and shrimp (hey, it works!) we ventured out to IDK bar for some darts while we waited for the reception to begin at 8 p.m.
Except it didn’t begin at 8:00. The bride and groom arrived at around 10:30. So there I sat, a lonely guy.
The groom, Daniel.
The bride, Dela.
The bride and groom. At their request I offered up a drunken toast in honor of the marriage….those sober enough to remember tell me it was well done. Hope so!
Don’t you think Daniel and my nephew bear an uncanny resemblance?
Breakfast with my guests before their afternoon departure for Seoul.
I did the Hash this afternoon. It was just me and the “Hare” (the guy in charge of making the trail). But we had a pleasant walk together and some good conversation. Then I told him about the new Wolfhound Pub in the ‘ville (he frequented the one in Itaewon). He was pretty excited about the news, so we headed over for some beers. Made for an enjoyable afternoon with a new friend.
Life is good.
I hope the day will be a lighter highway
For friends are found on every road
Can you ever think of any better way
For the lost and weary travelers to go?
Making friends for the world to see
Let the people know you got what you need
With a friend at hand you will see the light
If your friends are there then every thing’s all right
Yeah, ol’ Uncle George’s outlook seems kind of bleak and hollow to me. He seems to be saying, “You’ll be fine once you accept the fact that all your relationships with women will never be more than “Rent-a-Relationship”s. To me, that makes the Philippines into little more than a House of Horrors—or a House of Whores, given the inevitable money angle. I’m sure the country is better than that, what with its rich and lush history and its mishmash of varied local cultures. As is true here in Korea, there’s much to see and do and learn over there.
I’d say, though, that if you’re aiming to find a Woman of Substance, someone with constancy and good morals, you’ll need to aim higher than bar culture. Such women are found more in churchy circles, or in scholarly/academic circles, i.e., in places where people take life’s virtues seriously and actively pursue them with the aim of constant self-improvement. As long as you see bar culture as something to gravitate to, it can never become something you graduate from. Aim high, and you’ll find the Woman of Substance you seek.
Fair points, Kevin. I’m actually a bit of a paradox I suppose. I enjoy the bars, but have no desire for a bar girl relationship. I may be destined to a life of solitude, but I can hope for a miracle.