Little Johnny | Long Time Gone

Ok, I know I have been long on “humor” and short on substance here for awhile, but I just don’t want to think about nukes in the DPRK right now. Instead here is a little Johnny joke I found over at More Sense Than Money. Mrs. LTG is a master of the little Johnny genre and I thought of her when I read this one:

Little Johnny’s neighbors had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital,
Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned
anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the
spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, “What a beautiful baby.”
The mother said, “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.”
Johnny said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.”
“Can he see?” asked Little Johnny.
“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.”
“That’s great”, said Little Johnny, “cuz he’d be shit outta luck if he needed glasses.”

All right, everyone is now invited to share their favorite little Johnny joke in the comments section. And Carol, I expect at least one from you (it can be an old one, how about your personal favorite?)

Afterthought/disclaimer: This joke is not exactly PC, and I hope no one takes offense. Little Johnny mocks everyone and everything, an equal opportunity offender if you will.

9 thoughts on “Little Johnny”

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word ‘beautiful’ in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.
“Excellent, Michael!” Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny.
“Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, just f***g beautiful!'”

One day little Johnny was playing with his toy train and it was going round and round when he stoped it he said, “all you sons of bitches getting on get on, and all you sons of bitches gettin off get off.”
His mother comes in and says, “What did you say young man? Go to your room and think about what you said.”
So after 4 hours his mother comes and says, “Come eat some supper and then you can play with your train again.”
After supper little Johnny goes back to his train and says, “all you sons of bitches getting on get on, and all you sons of bitches gettin off get off, and all you sons of bitches pissed off about the delay, talk to the bitch in the kitchen!”