…so are the days of our lives. Not to mention the women.
I had an interesting chat with Nerissa (the Cheap Charlies girl I fancied if you are keeping track) yesterday. Here’s the cut and paste from Messenger:
Nerissa: Haven’t seen u for a while
Me: Well, wasn’t sure I was welcome there anymore…
Nerissa: It’s fine if u don’t want to go… Just want to say hi to you is fine..haha..maybe your other girl will see u here..haha..not a good move…
Me: I don’t have another girl…and honestly, I had my eyes opened to the fact that I’m better off alone.
Nerissa
If that’s the best for u, then go for it…
Me: Yeah, I don’t deal well with rejection these days…
Nerissa
That’s normal, I guess
Me: Especially when you get older. Takes too long to recover.
Nerissa: It depends if a person is serious…If he is not serious, I guess he gives up easily.
Me: Maybe so. In fact, that was the message I received when you unfriended me…
Nerissa: Correct
Me: Thanks; I appreciate your honesty.
So, the joke was on me all along…she was never serious, so blowing me off was easy. But as I said before, she did me a favor. No need to waste time and energy on a drama queen who doesn’t value me. And it led me to begin to learn to embrace the comfort and safety that comes with being a “player.”
How’s that working out for me so far? Well, there’s Mary. I enjoy her company, but one night a week is plenty for me. The age gap is real, but at least she has enough intellectual curiosity to occasionally make for an interesting drinking companion. I did get a chuckle on Friday when our waitress at Thumbstar asked Mary if I was her boyfriend. She responded, not really. The waitress said, “more like a sugar daddy?” and Mary replied, “kinda.” To be clear, we are not in a “pay for play” situation; I don’t think either of us wants that. She doesn’t ask me for money but will tell me when I ask what she needs to make her studies go smoother. This week I sprang for the internet at her house, which facilitates her ability to research for papers and other homework. So far, I’m comfortable with our informal arrangement.
I see Joy at Hideaway on Wednesday and Sunday. I know she’d like to visit me at home on her day off (Thursday), but so far, I’ve resisted. She’s a sweetie, but I just don’t feel the urge to take things further, especially in exchange for money.
Then there’s my mountain momma friend, MJ. I’ve been providing support for her and her kids since her ex-husband died last year. That’s with no strings attached; she’s one of my charity projects. Once a month or so, she wants to give me a massage for extra money. She’s good at it, and it usually ends happily, so I’m receptive. She’d probably be an excellent taking care of you kind of girlfriend, but not much good at conversation.
Another bargirl friend I enjoy spending time with is Jen, a waitress at Whiskey Girl. She’s a natural-born snuggler, and I do enjoy a nice cuddle now and then. Might be the least physically attractive of the gals I drink with, but she’s quick with a laugh and fun to be around.
And last night, I got a message from Aine telling me she is back to work at Wet Spot after being absent for several months. I plan to drop in to say hello again tonight.
Anyway, it’s not the life I imagined I’d have, but it’s the one I’ve got, and I’m planning to enjoy it as long as possible. Who knew embracing emptiness could be so fulfilling?
Despite the disconnect with Nerissa I described above, I decided to make a return visit to Cheap Charlies to start my evening out. Nerissa sat down on my left, and I politely greeted her. Alma sat on my right and stroked my arm and shoulder. Some other gal sat behind me and rubbed my back. I enjoyed my beer and watched the world go by with only occasional interaction with Alma. I wasn’t inclined to purchase a lady drink for someone who had just admitted I was nothing to them, but so as not to be rude, I didn’t buy anyone a drink. As I suspected, Nerissa and the other gal moved on after I ordered my second beer. Once they were gone, I bought a drink for Alma. I guess I sent a message too.
Proceeding with my bar crawl, I decided to pop into Annex bar for a visit. This is another place I almost never visit, but they’ve recently made a significant change–they opened up the front of the building and made it into an open-air bar–my favorite kind.
Since I didn’t do the SOB this week, I didn’t have any coupons. But Whiskey Girl is offering a “buy one, get one” promo every day from 5 p.m. until 8:00. That’s a pretty damn good deal, and I decided to take advantage of it and enjoy some snuggle time with Jenn.
I enjoyed my time at Whiskey Girl. Queen Victoria is right across the street, so I decided to make that my nightcap venue. My old favorite Irish and my new favorite Rein were both in attendance and joined me at the bar. I noted that Rein had not accepted my FB friend request, and she said her account was “blocked.” Whatever. Irish took my phone and sent herself a friend request from me, but as of this morning, she has not accepted it either. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a Facebook fetish about making bargirls friends, but it is a simple indicator of whether they see you as a customer/drink provider or potentially something more. I just like to know where I stand; it doesn’t change anything.
When I got home, I was excited about my post-drinking snack awaiting my arrival in the fridge.
On one of the forums I visit, I came across this post-mortem from someone who saw the bus-jeepney accident scene.
We were stuck in the n/b traffic jam and it took about 20 minutes to reach the accident scene.
From what I saw, It appears that the white van either suddenly stopped in front of, or suddenly pulled out in front of the s/b bus. The bus was most assuredly speeding as usual.
The bus hit the van from behind, knocking it out of the way, and went out of control traveling across the center line and into the n/b jeepney.
The bus struck the jeepney just behind the driver and as you can see from the extreme damage, the poor student sitting directly behind the driver was mortally injured. In one of the videoâs going around you can see blood spurting from his carotid with each heartbeat.
Itâs a shame there were too many videographers instead of someone to help by applying direct pressure to his carotid. Filipinos are professional bystanders/gawkersâŚ
Someone commented that brain matter was visible but I couldnât tell from the video I watched. In that case, first aid may not have saved this guy if his skull was cracked open but if I was present I would have tried.
Itâs a shame, R.I.P.
I mentioned in a recent post a man named Karl who hikes the hills and dales in these parts alone, despite being in his late 70s. Quite the inspiration. Anyway, he posted some cool pictures of Barretto from a webpage he has of Barretto back when it was nothing more than a Navy rifle range.
I survived my scouting expedition to the top of Easter mountain this morning. I’ll tell that story tomorrow with a slew of pictures from the climb. I’ll also feed the girls at Hideaway tonight, so we can see Joy enjoying whatever she puts in her mouth.
Good to have something to look forward to, right?
In the video of the accident, the guy who was bleeding profusely looked to be bleeding out of his head, but I guess he could have been bleeding out of his carotid artery (pumping blood = arterial bleed), with the blood flowing from the neck along the surface to his head, then dripping onto the floor. Then again, if the guy’s skull had cracked open, this could have been a direct bleed from the brain given that a person’s major neck arteries end up inside the brain (the brain itself pulsates with one’s heartbeat). Sorry to be morbid.
Well, the life of juggling women and paying for the fantasy has to be lived by someone, so here you are! Wouldn’t it be nice to find someone you can simply be with without worrying whether there’s some angle? How do the other expat guys do it? It’s obvious that finding true love or companionship is possible.
You keep coming back to that word “player,” chewing on it as if it were an unpleasant foreign object in your mouth, so I’m guessing it’s a label you don’t really like. This seems to be how you’re perceived though, so either embrace it (as you seem to be doing, albeit reluctantly) or act differently and present a New You. As Barbra Hambly wrote in the novel Children of the Jedi, “Be what you wish to seem.” In other words, if you want to seem a hero, then be a hero. If you want to seem like husband material, then be husband material. My high school’s motto says much the same thing: Esse non videri, “Being, not seeming.”
Anyway, whatever you do, it’s all good as long as you’re happy, however deep or shallow the concept of happiness is for you.
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
This seems to be how youâre perceived though, so either embrace it…
Well, I guess I have to ding myself for a comma error. See where the error is?
Fuckups can be good teaching moments.
As usual, Kevin speaks truth.
“You keep coming back to that word âplayer,â chewing on it as if it were an unpleasant foreign object in your mouth, so Iâm guessing itâs a label you donât really like. This seems to be how youâre perceived though…”
I also get the impression that is not how you like to see yourself, but in the blog post above, you mention Nerissa, Mary, Joy, MJ, and Jen. Any i missed. LOL Plus how many FB “friends” do you have that are associated with the bars?
Just following the situation from your blog posts, it is pretty easy to see how others perceive you as a player. If you were doing the same thing in Manila, and could be relatively anonymous, might be different. But you’re not. A lot of perceptions have at least a nugget of truth in them.
Dont want to beat a dead horse, but if you were interested in a lady, and saw her snuggling up with different guys in different bars, having guys stop by her house for a “massage”, out for dinner with different guys, etc. etc., would you think that she was good relationship material? Or, would you think she was the female equivalent of a player.
To rephrase Kevin again. There is a dichotomy going on in your brain. Your thoughts/dreams are saying one thing, and your actions are the opposite. Bring them in alignment, either by changing your thoughts or your actions.
As the song goes, you are definitely “Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places”. You are NOT going to be able to find a non-transactional relationship in the bars of Barretto. FULL STOP.
I think you know this, but you keep trying to prove yourself wrong, and it is just not going to work. LOL
I would suggest a comma after perceived. Still, nothing bothers me about a missing comma; I have a good imagination and always see them in my head.
Okay, you busted me, Brian. No, I didn’t see my bar antics as being a player. In my mind, I was a do-gooder spreading some lady drink commissions around to help the struggling bargirls make ends meet. Again, I very rarely barfine, and I guess I always thought that a true player doesn’t wake up alone every morning. I think the disconnect is that my perceptions are different than the women who witness my behavior–they’ve seen it all before and assume the worst. So, yeah, I’m trying to embrace rather than resist the “player” tag. I am what I am, and it’s high time I accept that.
As for my “list”, that was my current offering of how well I’m doing with the player lifestyle. You did miss one, Aine from Wet Spot. I missed one, too, though: Virginia from Alaska Club messaged me this morning. I hadn’t heard from her for a while, so figured she had met a steady. Maybe she did, and she’s back now, but she invited me to stop in and buy her a drink tomorrow, and I told her I would.
So, yeah. It looks like I’ve chosen the path I’ll be walking. That non-transactional “real girlfriend” thing is just a dream that I’m probably too selfish to achieve anyway.
“Wouldnât it be nice to find someone you can simply be with without worrying whether thereâs some angle?”
That’s been my fantasy for a long time, but I’m slowly coming to the realization that it’s not going to happen for me, and I need to let it go. I’m not saying it is impossible; I do know guys here who have very happy relationships. Some of them with former bargirls, so it can happen. Ultimately, my failure in that regard is all on me. I miss having someone to wake up next to me and share my time with and make dreams together. And then I remember the last time I had that–with Jee Yuen–and what it cost me when I lost it. It’s not fear, though, that holds me back. I’ve grown more and more selfish over these past few years, and I’m simply unwilling to make the mutual sacrifices that are integral to a successful partnership. I’d rather deal with the loneliness than the drama. It’s high time I accept that reality and live with it.
I do appreciate the consistent feedback from you and Brian that has awakened me to the need to embrace these realities and truly be the man I’ve become without apology. It’s not the life I imagined, but it is the best one I have.
Oh, maybe you’ll get a kick out of this–I did! I posted that line from yesterday’s post: “Who knew that embracing the emptiness could be so fulfilling” on Facebook. This morning there was a comment from Nerissa: “embracing emptiness with a bag of pie while walking at the side of the road is way much more fulfilling…hahaha.” I guess she saw me from Cheap Charlies as I was on my way to feed the girls at Hideaway. I responded thusly: “Feeding the hungry is one of the ways to give an empty life some meaning, I agree.”
That’s pretty much where I’m at these days, and it is high time I start being okay with it. Thanks again for helping me see that.