…and I feel, er, disgusted.

As is my wont, I did some traveling around the internets this morning.  What I saw wasn’t pretty.  Let me show you what I mean:

From Germany:  A buxom woman has been accused of trying to kill her lawyer boyfriend… with her double-D breasts. Franziska Hansen, 33 from Germany is accused of ‘attempted manslaughter with a weapon’ after her boyfriend claimed she tried to smother him with her breasts and pretend it was a sex game of motorboat.

Rockland, Maine: A 62-year-old Cushing man will spend five days in jail after pleading guilty Wednesday to assaulting his estranged wife.  The incident occurred in July in Warren when his wife of 39 years, who was estranged from him, stayed at his place. He offered her $20 for sex, and when she refused he took out his penis and struck her with it, according to the prosecution’s version of events to which he pleaded guilty.

Florida: A woman who allegedly masturbated in a Florida Starbucks was arrested Thursday after police found a glass pipe with cocaine residue in her purse, authorities said. “We were called there by someone who said she was masturbating. She was high on crack with her hands going everywhere,” police spokesperson Josh Cramer said. “No one can say for sure what she was doing, but her hands were in her pants when she was wigging out,” he said.

Manila: The body of Roberto Apuyan was discovered with 11 stab wounds inside a room at Pitang Suites on Evangelista Street in Pasig City on November 19. Through a check of the motel records, the police managed to track down and arrest the primary suspect —a 15-year-old girl who was the victim’s lover. According to the motel staff, both were regular guests of the establishment.  A further check of the records and verification showed that the minor did not kill the victim by herself. Her 21-year-old boyfriend, Elton Juan,  had helped her carry out the deed. [Elton Juan–are you kidding me?]

Alabama:  A man raped his niece while the girl’s father watched, according to police. Police said Dustin Alton Kent raped his niece, then 13, in 2008. The girl’s father, who committed suicide in June, allegedly told her she was going to the pet store and instead drove to Kent. The father is said to have seen his daughter being raped.  Several members of the Wood family, including her own brother, have been charged with incest and rape. “From the evidence I have seen,” Patterson said, “this is a kind of collection of pedophiles.”

China: A 14-year-old girl, stole her mother’s husband, married him and had a baby together, according to court proceedings.  The Chinese teenager apparently had a lovechild with her stepfather. She is threatening to cut off ties with her mother unless she divorces him.  After the baby was born, the stepfather sent a text message to his wife, congratulating her for being a grandmother.

Ireland: A man was arrested and charged after a woman died having sex with his dog at his home, according to court proceedings.
Sean McDonnell from Limerick, Ireland, had met a woman on a chat line for bestiality. She later had sex with a dog at his home, but died shortly after.  Originally it was believed that she has had an allergic reaction to animal sex, but test were unable to prove this theory.

Missouri:  A St. Louis, Missouri woman pleaded guilty Monday to carrying out sexual acts with her dog and was sentenced to 120 days in jail. Dana Kintz, 28, called police on March 12 to her home claiming that her boyfriend Shawn Ingram, 37, has beaten and slapped her. Police said they found child pornography on cell phone images and also saw Kintz with Ingram engaged in sexual acts with the couple’s dog.

[It looks more like dog on dog to me, but in either case, the SPCA should be called]

Florida: 32-year-old Karnesha Dixon, from Florida, was caught in a compromising position by the police, while inside of a minivan. The Police of Martin County were tipped off to a couple getting frisky and when they approached the van they found Dixon’s head in the lap of 78-year-old Jackie Fischer. When asked what she was doing, she said that she was simply looking for cigarettes.  [It’s a shame more women don’t smoke.  And here’s hoping I’m feeling that randy at 78!]

There you have it.  These may or may not be signs of coming apocalypse.  As for me, I think I’ll take a shower.

Speaking of sick and dirty, this photograph appeals to me for reasons I can’t quite explain.