One day, one of these ways…
At a crossroads of sorts. Diligently working at letting go of the past and looking forward with some trepidation to an unknown and uncertain future. This twilight zone of being caught in the middle of lost dreams and hope for the dreams to come at times overwhelms my resolve to live in the moment.
Well, there are many things to be done over the course of the next 75 days and I’m slowly but surely getting them accomplished. Today for example I started the ball rolling on recruiting for my replacement. Hopefully this will afford Eighth Army the opportunity for a smooth and seamless transition in the Human Resources Management Director’s chair.
Honestly speaking, letting go of the job is the hardest part of leaving. I’ve been resisting the entreaties of my staff to stay “just a little bit longer”, but it was tempting. It is not just the insane pay and free mansion palace. I actually enjoy the work and most of all the people I work with. It is a good feeling to be part of something bigger than myself and to be doing meaningful work (at least as meaningful as government work can be) and making a difference. I’m actually very proud of some of the initiatives I’ve helped put in place during this final iteration of my working life.
But I’ll always have this nifty hat to remind me of my glory days…
Going forward, I will need to work hard at staying engaged in the day-to-day chores my Uncle Sam pays me to perform. It was kind of funny last week when I met with my counterparts from the ROK Ministry of Employment and Labor and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs for a Status of Forces Agreement (SOFA) Labor Subcommittee (which I co-chair) gathering. The ROK side had put forth several agenda items and I of course listened respectfully to their issues and concerns. I told them on behalf of USFK that we were certainly receptive to making the changes they were suggesting, contingent on them coming up with the money to fund them. Bottom line, we agreed to continue working together on strategies to strengthen the alliance. Katchi kapshida and all that. In my own mind I’m thinking I succeeded in kicking that can far enough down the road to be in the “not my problem anymore” category.
Thirty years ago I was acting Director of Human Resources in Roanoke, VA for the USPS. I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then…
Anyway, in my non-working life things are pretty much as they have always been. Little things pop into my head on occasion. Like “should I buy this large size of laundry detergent? Will I be able to use it all before moving day?” You know, meaningless stuff that means I’m getting my mind around the fact that my Korea life is nearing its expiration date.
In the category of “if there is a God, He must be laughing His ass off”, I’ve recently had a couple of women here express an interest in getting to know me. Tempting as that may be, I’ve been resistant to their charms. Given the shortness of my remaining time in this lovely village, what’s the point? It can only end badly for one or both of us. I will not allow myself to be waylaid from my chosen future, despite its uncertainty, like I was 8 years ago. Been there, done that and have the broken heart to prove it.
Speaking of that uncertain future, why shouldn’t the uncertainty be a feature, not a bug? It’s the uncertain nature of things that make for an adventure. As one friend put it, when did you become such a pussy? (well, I am paraphrasing, but that’s the gist of it). It’s true, 8 years ago I was set to go out into the great unknown alone and unaccompanied without fear. Now I am lamenting not having the person I hoped to share that future with to take care of me. Ah well, I’m older and maybe a little less sure of myself these days, but I expect I’ll manage just fine.
Every dawn is one day closer to having boots on the ground. Being freed from this purgatory between the past and the future will make all the difference. Or so I keep telling myself.
When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest
For he’s with you, clear to the end
And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
–Paul Dale Wimbrow