Some sad details about the passing of the Jumpin’ Jacks bartender, Vangie. She died in the restroom at work. After being away from the bar for thirty minutes or so, someone went to check on her and found a lifeless body. It was apparently a heart attack that killed her. I’d only met her a couple of months ago, but she was sweet and fun to be around. I’m going ti miss seeing her smiling face.

In news from the land of the living, where I blessedly still reside, I made it through another Hash yesterday. It was a half-assed effort that still managed to kick my ass.

The usual after-Hash Tomfoolery at IDM, then off to home to rest up for another day.

It’s a new year (2012) in the LTG archives, and on January 1, I actually wrote a meaningful post reflecting on the year behind that saw me lose both of my parents and the life to come (I applied for Jee Yeun’s fiancée visa). When I mailed the immigration papers at the post office, I looked up at the office upstairs, which I had occupied from 1986 through 1993, and this thought occurred to me:

And then a question came to mind.  If by some magic you could be shown your future life, would you want to view it?

And today I wondered what would the me of back then have thought upon seeing the me of today mailing a letter of such importance and yet its contents were beyond my wildest imaginings just a few short years ago.   I hope I would have laughed at the absurdity of it all.

Despite all the hopes and dreams and best laid plans, we are after all destined to live in the moment.  I never envisioned this life that I’ve lived turning out as it did.  The detours and heartbreaks and disappointments all inevitably led me back to this place, but changed me almost completely from who that man looking down from the window way back then.  And I don’t just mean those extra pounds around my belly.  All those experiences that I never planned for, dreamed about, or even knew that I desired have not necessarily made me better, and I certainly hope not worse.  But this is who I have become, and I am glad for it.

I’m not going to answer my own question directly because I don’t know if someone had shown me the road ahead back then that I would have had the courage to follow it.

Of course, the life I was building in 2012 came crashing down around me a few short years later, leading me to this one in the Philippines. Would I have wanted to know what lay ahead? Probably not. I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance.

I also came across this old photo I had forgotten even existed:

Yesterday, I shared a YouTube video from a newly discovered vlogger, Home Base PH, recounting five things you won’t like about the Philippines. Today’s version is him recounting five things you will like. Once again, I mostly agree with him, although I can’t really say I’ve given the local cuisine a fair chance.

Maybe these will make you smile:

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment, all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you, I held everything
For a moment, wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Yes, my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance