Well, it seems I woke up today in an alternative universe.  Specifically, Bizzaro World.

You see, on Bizzaro world everything is basically the opposite of what it would be on a normal, rational planet.

I guess you get the idea.  Now, how did I figure out I’d somehow been transported through some kind of time-space continuum to wake up on this bizarre planet?  Here’s some evidence:

In California, a group of high school students were sent home under threat of discipline for the crime of wearing t-shirts depicting, wait for it, the American flag!  I know it is shameful behavior for these kids to wear such a hateful symbol in a public school.  But it gets worse!  They had the audacity to wear the flag on Cinco de Mayo!  Of course, the Chicano students were wearing their Mexican flags but the in your face intrusion of Old Glory was so culturally insensitive.  Hard to believe this outrage happened in the good ol’ USA.

Meanwhile, in Ann Arbor, Michigan, the specter of racial segregation in a public school raised it’s ugly head.  It seems a group of white children went on a field trip and the black kids were not allowed to participate.  Or something like that.  I’m colorblind, so maybe I got it backwards.  But still.

Of course, we are all happy that the would-be Times Square bomber was captured.  In an odd twist, it turns out he was an Islamic fanatic from Pakistan.  Because as we all must surely know by now, it is Tea Party adherents who pose the real threat of terrorism.

Speaking of terrorism, there has been some concern that maybe the boys from TSA let their guard down.  But no worries, our airport security is the capable hands of true professionals like these.  They have a BIG job to do, so let’s not be DICKS about it, ok?

Hmm, I do so miss planet Earth.