It’s no secret that I’ve been unhappy for most of my trip here. The real question in my mind is “why?”. As I’ve been retracing the steps I’ve taken on roads and trails when I called this town home I have endeavored to recall what I was thinking and feeling at that time. And yes, I was unhappy then for the most part as well.

When I moved to Anjeong-ri in May 2017 I expected to leave in September. My goal had been to see Eighth Army through the transition from Yongsan to Humphreys and then re-retire. After some arm twisting from my staff and 8A leadership I consented to stay on through May of 2018. I didn’t make the move down south without bringing some baggage along with me. And I acquired some more after I arrived.

Seoul is one of my favorite cities and the only place I had ever lived in Korea. Anjeong-ri is little more than a country village with a bunch of bars that cater to young soldiers. Admittedly I also had a bad attitude due in large part to a succession of failed relationships. But as I’ve been walking here this week I’ve come to realize I’ve been unfair and never really gave this town a chance. The problem it seems was not where I was, rather it was about who I was during that period of time. My mindset of “I can’t wait to get out of this burg” permeated nearly all my thoughts and prevented me from accepting things for what they are and making the best of my time here.

That attitude poisoned any chance of my being happy during that time. I didn’t pursue relationships because I thought I had my future secured with Loraine at my side. When she proved to be unworthy of my love and trust I was so devastated as to be blinded to other opportunities that presented themselves. Eva was one of those. I had lunch with Donna, my former Deputy, the other day and she asked about Eva. When I told her we had basically parted ways she chided me for being so foolish. Donna said when she say us together she could tell how much Eva cared for me and how our interactions appeared so natural and loving. Hmm. Anyway, after that conversation I did send Eva a message apologizing for treating her unkindly. She responded with graciousness and relayed the happy news that she had finally found the true love she had been searching for. I of course wished them well.

I see things a little differently now I suppose. Certainly nothing wrong with Anjeong-ri. It has its charm and its own kind of beauty. In fact, in many ways it is not unlike my new hometown of Barrio Barretto. Well, the foreigners living there are all as old as dirt of course, but the small town friendliness is the same. I’ve honestly been surprised that so many people I interacted with in the past still remember me and seem genuinely happy to see me. And it’s not just the bargirls, thank you very much. For example, today I got a haircut and the barber nearly dropped her scissors she was so surprised to see me. Welcomed me back, asked about life in the Philippines, and just made me feel warm with kindness. I laughed when she mentioned how much happier I look now compared to when she last saw me. And oh yeah, almost everyone comments on my brownness and how much weight I’ve lost.

Tonight I have a dinner “date” with Mi Young, the woman who first got me involved in animal rescue with the shelter she’s devoted her life to here. My support was financial, not the sweat and toil she puts into it. Anyway, the “date” is in quotes because after the Loraine fiasco I tried to pursue elevating our friendship to the next level. That turned out to be a bridge too far. I suppose because by then I was such a short timer here it made no sense to her to get involved with the likes of me. Plus I’m 20-some years older than her. Anyway, she contacted me and suggested dinner and I readily accepted the offer so we shall see.

Tomorrow afternoon I’m meeting up with one of my former employees. It was her idea and is probably innocent. But truthfully I always had a crush on her and obviously as the boss I could never act on it. Now, no such restrictions apply! Again, I’m probably getting carried away with my fantasies, but even if I only get to eat some Korean that’s good enough. Er, I mean, Korean food of course!

Yesterday I met a new girl working in The Wall bar. Just arrived from the Philippines two weeks ago. From Manila. Unusually smart and articulate. How do I know she’s smart? Well, when I was showing her photos of my dogs (she’s a dog lover too) on the blog she asked “is that your website? Will you give me the URL so I can read it? Shit, maybe she’s reading this post! Oh well. Anyway, she’s also a musician and she came to Korea to work for one year so she can send her teenage daughter to a better school. Well, I only talked to her for an hour or so, but still I was thinking if she had arrived while I was here she might have been a game changer. Sometimes it’s all about timing I suppose. But we are hooked up on Facebook now and if she does remain single and does in fact return to the the PI (two BIG ifs) it could possibly be, well, it could be something. Perhaps. Time is a bitch though.

Alright, that’s probably enough. My point is that I’ve come to realize it’s all about attitude and making the best of things as they are, not as how you wish them to be. And writing that makes it all seem so obvious but I had to walk a helluva lot of steps to figure that out. Now I can focus on remembering this new perspective.

Let me close out this post with some photos:

You know, I just recalled writing a post in February 2018 called “Sorrow Floats” Give it a read to get a real time feel of just how much I didn’t like living in Anjeong-ri. In that post I talked about three new businesses that had recently opened and I predicted their imminent demise.

Okay, I am feeling better about things. Also, I am very much looking forward to going back home on Sunday. My dogs miss me!