Still reeling, but better today than yesterday and hopefully not as good as tomorrow.  Had a long walk yesterday afternoon, drank too many beers, then had a mostly decent sleep.  23,000 more steps today (so far). Still have no appetite, but I’m down 8 pounds since Sunday, so I will take that result.

I’ve really been touched by people reaching out to me through email and private messages to offer comfort and advice.  Most of which is to move on, telling me I can do better.   I have no choice but to move on and perhaps one day I will find an honest and loyal woman to share my life.  That’s really the most important thing, having someone I can depend on.  Loraine’s betrayal was especially devastating because it proved that I am a much poorer judge of character than I thought I was.  Who can you trust if you can’t trust yourself?

I appreciate the comments here on the blog.  I also posted my story on a Philippines expat forum and have gotten quite a lot of feedback.  Most of them saying to forget Loraine and find someone younger and kinder.  Many of them are very critical of her and her actions towards me.  And quite a few share my opinion that Kev will not follow through on his promises.  They expect Karma will exact its toll on Loraine and when she realizes her mistake she’ll want me to take her back.  I’ve been urged to not even consider doing so.  If she came to me right now I probably would.  If she waits until Kev is gone, I would not.  I don’t expect her to be back.

I actually miss Loraine very much.  The morning greeting and chats throughout the day were something I guess I had taken for granted.  Shame on me.  I do love her and wish her no ill will.  I don’t think Kev was the right choice, but I hope I’m wrong about his true intentions.  

So, in the moving on department.  I’m going to go back to the Filipina Cupid dating site, update my profile and begin my search for a new tour guide/caregiver.  I plan to celebrate the New Year in the PI and would prefer not to do it alone.  Yeah, I could rent a girl from a bar I suppose, but that is really not my thing.  We’ll see.

I had met a Filipina-American named Joy who works on base a couple of weeks ago.  Just friends at the bar, but we had planned on having dinner last Sunday (before Loraine became my girlfriend for a day).  Obviously, that date didn’t happen.  But Joy has been sending an occasional message during the day to check on how I’m doing.  I appreciate that she cares enough to do that.  So I’m thinking maybe when I get back on my feet I will see if I can get some Joy in my life.

It’s a start.

3 thoughts on “Aftermath

  1. The Hindu concept of life is that it’s a painful wheel of existence called samsara. We’re chained to this repetitive, revolving wheel through our actions (karma). The object of the game is to gain enough wisdom about the nature of things so as to escape an eternity of repeating the wheel of life-events, again and again, all thanks to our accidental or deliberate unwisdom. Good luck as you examine deep causes and do your best to find liberation from the wheel (moksha) and bliss in your life (ananda). Every day is a new chance to walk a different path!

  2. Outstanding. One of my ex-wives couldn’t resist reminding me that I had been a prick to some women in the past (including her). So, yes I’m riding the samsara for sure. You’d think after getting kicked around be the last wife, the Korean GF, and now the Filipina, I’d have me some moksha coming…

  3. You’d come up pitiful if you let her back…karma if u believe in it…never do to others what u do not want others to do itt unto u….try again…enjoy….cherish…love and be hurt…better love and be hurt than not have loved at all..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *