Still reeling, but better today than yesterday and hopefully not as good as tomorrow. Had a long walk yesterday afternoon, drank too many beers, then had a mostly decent sleep. 23,000 more steps today (so far). Still have no appetite, but I’m down 8 pounds since Sunday, so I will take that result.
I’ve really been touched by people reaching out to me through email and private messages to offer comfort and advice. Most of which is to move on, telling me I can do better. I have no choice but to move on and perhaps one day I will find an honest and loyal woman to share my life. That’s really the most important thing, having someone I can depend on. Loraine’s betrayal was especially devastating because it proved that I am a much poorer judge of character than I thought I was. Who can you trust if you can’t trust yourself?
I appreciate the comments here on the blog. I also posted my story on a Philippines expat forum and have gotten quite a lot of feedback. Most of them saying to forget Loraine and find someone younger and kinder. Many of them are very critical of her and her actions towards me. And quite a few share my opinion that Kev will not follow through on his promises. They expect Karma will exact its toll on Loraine and when she realizes her mistake she’ll want me to take her back. I’ve been urged to not even consider doing so. If she came to me right now I probably would. If she waits until Kev is gone, I would not. I don’t expect her to be back.
I actually miss Loraine very much. The morning greeting and chats throughout the day were something I guess I had taken for granted. Shame on me. I do love her and wish her no ill will. I don’t think Kev was the right choice, but I hope I’m wrong about his true intentions.
So, in the moving on department. I’m going to go back to the Filipina Cupid dating site, update my profile and begin my search for a new tour guide/caregiver. I plan to celebrate the New Year in the PI and would prefer not to do it alone. Yeah, I could rent a girl from a bar I suppose, but that is really not my thing. We’ll see.
I had met a Filipina-American named Joy who works on base a couple of weeks ago. Just friends at the bar, but we had planned on having dinner last Sunday (before Loraine became my girlfriend for a day). Obviously, that date didn’t happen. But Joy has been sending an occasional message during the day to check on how I’m doing. I appreciate that she cares enough to do that. So I’m thinking maybe when I get back on my feet I will see if I can get some Joy in my life.
It’s a start.