Here’s how I spent a loveless first day of the rest of my life yesterday.

To begin, I had this idea that I ought to shift my focus outward instead of inward. It being the Christmas season and all, the were lots of opportunities to do so. For example, I needed to go to Subic to get some cash from an ATM. Yeah, the only BPI machine in Barretto works less the half the time. It seems it is always out of money. People need cash for shopping, I suppose. Anyway, since I was making the trip to Subic anyway, I invited Joy to join me at Waltermart so she could do a little Christmas shopping for her kids. It was kind of nice watching her pick out some clothes. I suggested she get them a toy too. Joy asked if she could also get something for Jen (her co-worker, friend, and neighbor) and I told her go ahead. Ho! Ho! Ho! It’s fun to be Santa Claus.

The checkout line was massive but I somehow managed to keep my cool through that ordeal. After paying, when I went to the BPI ATM in the mall it was also out of money. So disappointing! I needed to restock my cash supply, so we caught a trike to the BPI branch office in Subic town I use. After we arrived I was disappointed to note that one of the two ATMs was not working and there were several people in line to use the remaining machine that was functioning.

Watching Filipinos use an ATM is as fascinating as it is frustrating. With one exception, everyone in front of me went through this process. Insert card, check balance, print receipt showing balance, end transaction. Re-insert the card, make a cash withdrawal, take the money and put it in a billfold, take out ANOTHER bank card, and repeat the above process. After watching this insanity several times I thought my head was going to explode. I also figured that at this rate by the time my turn came this machine too would run out of cash.

When my turn finally arrived, I gave the now even longer line behind me a demonstration in proper ATM etiquette. Had my card in hand as I approached the machine. Inserted the card. Entered my PIN. Selected withdrawal from checking. Requested P20,000. The machine whirred, spit out my card, and released forty P500 notes into my waiting hand. Took less than a minute. I didn’t get the expected round of applause, but maybe the crowd was dumbfounded by my expertise. Anyway, mission accomplished.

We took a Jeepney back to Barretto and I asked Joy if she were hungry. She was, so I called out “para po” as we approached Mango’s. We sat down at a table in the back and waited. And waited. Save for one customer, the place was deserted. That customer told us the waitress was making a room service delivery. So we waited some more. Then my already strained patience ran out, and I lold Joy, “let’s go.”

As we were leaving, we ran into the waitress doing something at the front desk. “John, why you leave?” she called out. I told her tired of waiting and she apologized, explaining she was the only one on duty. I told her it is not her fault, I’ll talk to Gie (the manager) about inadequate staffing the next time I see her. Merry Christmas!

We walked the block to Sit-n-Bull and as usual, I was greeted warmly by the waitresses. Later, the owner Ron came by the table for a brief chat. Ah, the joys of being a regular! We ordered our food and while I was eating, I got a message that both hurt my feelings and distressed me. Didn’t even finish my burger. I told Joy I needed to go and gave her some transportation money and a 500 peso gift.

When I got home, I set about changing the status of all my posts involving the woman who claimed to love me, to “private”. That made them invisible to you, my readers. I got an email later from Kevin Kim asking what happened, and when I explained he suggested making them password protected and providing the password to trusted readers. So, that’s what I wound up doing. I’m using the same password for all my protected posts. Email me if you would like that password. I don’t intend to make a habit of making my posts difficult to access, but the unique circumstance of small-town gossip and veiled threats made it prudent to do so for those few posts. Sorry for the inconvenience.

While all this was going on, I got a message from Martha, begging me to let her give me a massage so she could buy shoes for her child. Damn. I wasn’t even sure who she was, but we were Facebook friends and had chatted a few times previously. She said she lived nearby, so I told her fine, come on over. In my mind, I thought she was a girl I had met at Thumbstar during my bar review. But when Martha arrived I didn’t remember ever seeing her before.

So, I stripped to my underwear, handed her a bottle of baby oil, and laid down on the bed. She proceeded to give me a decent enough massage. When I rolled over onto my back, she looked at me expectantly, and then gestured if I wanted her to undress. Sure, why not. And so that’s how the massage ended. Honestly, I didn’t enjoy it much. No emotional connection to her whatsoever, and she wasn’t nearly as talented as my ex. I gave her the expected amount for her services, walked her to a shortcut exit from the neighborhood, and said goodbye. I have no intention of seeing her again in the future.

Alright, and for the record, I didn’t have bad intentions. It wasn’t like my now-defunct “FWB” program. This gal contacted me and offered massage services. She also indicated that she was willing and wanting to provide the happy ending. I didn’t ask her for anything and paid her a more than fair amount for her service. And now her kid will have shoes for Christmas.

I make that disclaimer above because I don’t want to get back into a completely transactional mode with whatever women I encounter on my journey to the future. Yes, there will be women, hopefully sex, and probably no love, but I’m going to be more in a dating mode than a buying one. We’ll see how that works out for me. Call it a New Year’s resolution.

So, I was overdue for another bar review and Wet Spot was next up in the queue. If you read that post you’ll recall I spent time with this lovely lady there:

Thirty-five and no kids. Long-time bar worker. Good conversationalist. Nice sense of humor (as measured by her capacity to laugh at my jokes). At one point I broached going on a date and she seemed excited about the idea. I asked her what was her day off and she said Monday. Oh, I Hash on Mondays, do you like to hike? “No.” Okay then, looks like it will be a lunch date before work one day. Or maybe nothing at all. I gifted her 500 pesos and headed over to Cheap Charlies.

Alma hadn’t been there during my visit on Sunday, so she’d missed out on the Christmas bounty. That may or may not be why she had messaged me for the first time in forever. Still, it was good to hear from her and she is a sweet woman, so I wanted to see her before Christmas (even if she is a Muslim). She actually popped up in my Facebook memories the other day. I’ve been knowing her for over three years now.

Anyway, she was happy to see me. Got the usual shoulder rub and for the first time got to give her something in return.

We shared some drinks and chat and I gave her 1000 pesos for the holiday cheer. I’d consider dating her as well.

While I was at Cheap Charlies I got a message from Bhel, the bartender at Outback. She’s the one I helped with surgery expenses. Anyway, she asked me if I would please come by the bar. Why not? So, I finished my beer and headed up the highway.

When I arrived, Bhel handed me this bag:

Of course, I gifted her with 500 pesos. A nice way to end the night.

Maybe my bar relationships aren’t as meaningless as I make out. Just another set of friends to make this life’s journey of mine a little more pleasant. That’s enough for now!

And let’s not forget the first Christmas Eve:

Just a quick update from my current “life goes on” adventure. I miss Pamela but I expect she is much further down the moving on road than I am. Walked by her place yesterday on my way to darts. I was on the opposite side of the highway, but I refrained from looking as I passed. Not ready to witness her new life just yet.

As to insights I might have gained, nothing significant to report at this time. I think we were just in different places, a “right love at the wrong time” kind of situation perhaps. Maybe the generational gap played a part in that as well. I don’t think we truly understood each other. And she was just as likely to get pissed by my humorous takes on things as she was to laugh. This breakup has not triggered a bout of depression, but I do carry the burden of sadness. That will pass in time. My takeaway is that our unhappy ending was for the best, perhaps inevitable, especially given her unwillingness to try and talk through and resolve our issues.

But, there are some good things to embrace as well. I’ve already mentioned how much I appreciate the comments and insights my readers here have provided. And I was touched to see that my failures in love inspired a poem called ode to a man who keeps losing women:

you can stick a penis in it
but that doesn't mean you win it
you can get in bed and rock it
but her love ain't in your pocket
you can make her sing a high note
but her foot is still in your scrote
what's the use?
what's the use?
what's the use?

Thanks for that Kevin Kim!

Speaking of Kevin, I came across a post I wrote after the 2017 heartbreak rendered unto me by Loraine. In the comments, Kevin offered up this gem of wisdom:

The Hindu concept of life is that it’s a painful wheel of existence called samsara. We’re chained to this repetitive, revolving wheel through our actions (karma). The object of the game is to gain enough wisdom about the nature of things so as to escape an eternity of repeating the wheel of life-events, again and again, all thanks to our accidental or deliberate unwisdom. Good luck as you examine deep causes and do your best to find liberation from the wheel (moksha) and bliss in your life (ananda). Every day is a new chance to walk a different path!

Yes, indeed! I will definitely seek out a different path. But it won’t be a quest for love. If love is my destiny, it is going to have to find me. I can, and will, be happy without it.

I made a drunken post on Facebook Monday saying “I wasn’t expecting a broken heart for Christmas this year.” Well, that got some reactions and hug emojis, but my favorite comment was from Carol, aka, ex-wife #3:

Carol: get a doll

Me:  haha. A living doll?

Carol: if it’s living it will leave too.

Me:  yeah. Sad but true.

Carol: it’s ok. I think the part you like is the falling “in love”. As long as they keep leaving you get to keep falling over and over. Win-win.

Me:  wow. That’s a good way to look at it. Thanks!

Me: I think I love you!

Carol: You’ll get over it.

Funny shit. On a more serious note, Carol also said the root of my failures is: “because he keeps dating out of his age group and has nothing in common with them socially, economically, religiously, etc.” Yeah, some of my commenters have said the same.

Anyway, my Day 2 Without Her was pretty much like my days were before her.

After the barber, I visited Hideaway bar to see Joy (the cute 23-year-old from Finger Monkey). Bought her a couple of drinks and slipped her some Christmas money so she can buy presents for her kids. She was looking pretty cute, perhaps a sign that my recovery is in progress.

Next stop was Alley Cats for the darts tournament.

While I was at Alley Cats I got a message from someone named Ricardo saying he was coming to my house at 5:00 and would I be home. I said no, I have darts. And who are you? Duh, it was my landlord. Wasn’t expecting a visit from him because he lives in Singapore. Home for the holidays and he wanted to do a meet and greet with me. Sorry!

After darts, my pal Kevin joined me for dinner and more beer at the Outback. Had some good Fish and Chips and chatted with the bartender, Bhel. She is the one I helped out with with surgery expenses. It was good to see her recovered and back at work.

And oh yeah, shopping at Royal. I’ve been hearing about the inflation spiral in the USA and got to witness it first hand in the cheese section:

Alright, this is my Wacky Wednesday. Need to head out for my hike with the Walkers, then rush home, shower up, and head to Baloy for dart league. It’s our last match of the season, thankfully. I hate having to rush around.

That’s where I’m at at the moment. Forward! No more looking back!

XXXX came out of the bedroom this morning carrying a bag full of the clothes she had left here. I knew at the moment she was leaving for good. I had to press her to get her to admit that fact though. As to the why, the best she could come up with was that I wasn’t happy with her. She wasn’t entirely wrong about that, but I wasn’t the one who was so willing to give up. Then again, I guess she has another option waiting in the wings.

Yesterday afternoon I went to XXXX’s place to see her. Of course, she was seated with Dick and his pals. That morning we had planned to spend some time together doing something unspecified–maybe some time at the beach or watching movies on TV. XXXX did come outside to join me but seemed distracted somehow. I asked her what she wanted to do and she didn’t have any suggestions. I asked about dinner, and she said where? I suggested Mango’s or somewhere on Baloy. She said let’s just get takeout and eat at your place.

And then it got kind of weird. She’s sitting right next to me but starts sending text messages. “You go first, I’ll meet you at your place”. I answered verbally, no, let’s go and order our food together and go home together. Another message that she wanted to leave separately. Well, I wasn’t going to fight about it then and there, but I knew this was a subject that required some serious discussion. I went to Mango’s and ordered pork chops and roast chicken for takeout. When the food was ready I texted her to meet me outside Mango’s (it’s only a block from her place). She told me to wait. So I waited. After several minutes, I texted back in frustration “where are you?”. No response. Fuck this, I walked back to her place. She was sitting outside alone. She said I ordered kebabs. Why? I’ve already got the food. About this time the kebabs came, she put them with the rest of the food and told me to go first and she would meet me at home. Whatever. I left.

I admit I was in a sour mood after she arrived. We ate in silence, then watched a movie on Netflix, and then went to bed. This morning she packed up and left me.

So, she says it’s because of my behavior as described above. Since I got angry with her it means I’m not happy in the relationship. Maybe she’s right and maybe I’m the one who should have left her. But I was willing to at least try and find a way to make it work. She wasn’t.

Isn’t that the story of my life?

For I shall always let thee do,
   In generous love, just what I please.
Peace comes, and discord flies away,
   Love’s bright day follows hatred’s night;
For I am ready to admit
   That you are wrong and I am right.

So, here’s a quick update on what’s going on with me, at least to the extent that I have a clue. More of the same for the most part, with the occasional knife twist to the heart. Anyway, I am keeping things in perspective and just trying to enjoy the ride.

Yesterday began early, with ***** arriving on my doorstep at 1:00 in the morning. It was apparent that she had been drinking which is unusual given that she consumes low-alcohol beer very slowly. She said she’d been to the Whiskey Girl bar to see the live band. And then she told the story of how she’d been coerced into attending by her mother and a friend of Dick’s. And of course, he was there too. I guess after she arrived they kept plying her with drinks until she finally found the will to escape.

Alright, I appreciated her honesty. But I wasn’t a happy camper. To begin, when I’d left her that night I was under the impression she would be following me shortly thereafter. Going somewhere else was to my thinking choosing someone else’s company over mine. And yeah, I knew Dick was using her mother as a tool to drive a wedge between us and I was sorry to see it was working. ***** continued to insist Dick was just a friend and there is nothing physical between them. I believe her, but it is disconcerting that she continues to put him ahead of me in too many ways. I did not have a restful night and was reaching the conclusion that the time for me to bail had arrived.

***** slept in and we didn’t leave the house until almost 8:00 a.m. We walked the beach to the Arizona resort and had breakfast there, then walked back on the beach to her place. We talked along the way and she reiterated her stance that Dick was a good customer and that he brought a lot of other friends with him which helps her business. It’s always good to know your relative importance in the grand scheme of things I suppose, but somehow that didn’t make me feel much better. I didn’t end things though, but in my mind, the protective barriers were going up and I was backing off.

I didn’t hear from Pearl during the day, so I messaged her late in the afternoon asking if she were hungry. She responded that she had ordered something from Papagayo, her favorite restaurant. I asked if that meant she wouldn’t be joining me for dinner and she answered with a smiley face. WTF does that mean?

I decided to visit Hideaway bar to see how my friends Joy and Jen, formerly with Finger Monkey, were getting on. I sat down at the bar and they joined me, one on either side. I’d also baked a batch of brownies which everyone seemed to enjoy. I bought them both a lady drink and settled in to enjoy my first beer of the day. Then another girl there that I didn’t recognize asked me about *****. How do you know *****, I asked. I’m her cousin, don’t you remember meeting me at her place? Oh, vaguely. The cousin also remembered me from darts and where my ex-girlfriend used to live. Small town scary! Of course, I bought the cousin a drink too. I also decided to get ahead of the curve by messaging ***** that I was at Hideaway and drinking with her cousin. ***** deleted her first response before I read it, then followed up with “just stay there and have fun.” Hmm. I then sent several follow-up messages regarding dinner and getting together later that she ignored. Her reaction seemed both weird and hypocritical to me. I had another beer then departed Hideaway moving up the highway to It Doesn’t Matter.

When I arrived at IDM, fellow Hashers Jim and Troy were seated in the outdoor section and I joined them at the counter. Ordered up a beer and it was delivered by my favorite waitress, Roan. A bit later, Scott arrived and I learned he was celebrating his 72nd birthday. Way to go, old man!

Sitting there next to Roan got me thinking yet again about those carefree days before I started down the relationship road. Yeah, it may be an empty and meaningless life without love, but then again, the lack of drama and the variety that comes with being a free man are fair compensations. A good reminder that whatever the future may bring I’ll be okay.

A couple of more beers and still no responses from ***** led me to a “fuck it, if she wants to end things she can do it to my face” decision. So, off I went to her bistro. When I arrived, ***** was seated at the outside table with three other men, one of whom I’m acquainted with. Dick was inside with the mother. I ordered a beer and sat down at the counter and I was happy to see ***** pull up a stool and join me. The other guys included me when they bought their next round of beers and I reciprocated. And that’s how things continued for the next couple of hours.

Oh, I did get roped into being the group DJ. ***** asked that I do a Bluetooth connection with her sound system and play music from my Spotify account. At the table the discussion turned to classic rock and talented guitar players, and I was besieged with song requests to play. No problem. It was actually kind of fun. Dick came out after a while and joined the group at the table, He also had some song requests and things were amicable between us throughout the evening.

I’d reached my consumption limit (perhaps exceeded it some) at 10:00 and announced my departure. ***** said she’d join me later. She arrived around midnight. She told me after I left, Dick had vomited. She said she was worried for him because he has no one to take care of him when he is ill. Again, I think she is sincere in her concern, but I wasn’t interested in hearing it. I went back to sleep while she was showering.

I was up at my usual 4:30 a.m. to start my morning rituals. I also baked up a batch of blueberry muffins for breakfast. When I had finished my chores, I took one of those pills I bought and went back to bed to cuddle with *****. When she awoke she responded to my touch and we had an amazing session. Honestly, I think she is the best I’ve ever had, and I’ve experienced well over 100 women in this life of mine. She has a passion that is so satisfying to experience.

While she was cleaning up, I took Buddy for a walk.

When I returned home, I fried up some bacon to go with the muffins and we enjoyed a fine breakfast together. Afterward, we sat on the couch and she reiterated that her feelings for Dick were platonic, but she does really care for him as a friend. I told her I thought getting involved with him, even as a friend, was a mistake. But I also said she was a grown woman and I was not going to tell her what to do.

We kind of left the topic there because I caught a glimpse of that sweet ass and we wound up back in the bedroom for Round 2.

After we had gotten dressed again, ***** surprised me by offering to join me on my morning walk. Cool, let’s go! We had a pleasant enough hike through the backstreets of San Isidro. At one point I said something about my being willing to step aside if she decided she wanted to pursue something with Dick. I was being sincere, but she took it wrong and was offended. I pointed out that to me, that’s what love is all about–making the happiness of your partner more important than your own. Recited something from that old “if you love someone, let them go…” saying and she seemed more accepting. She reassured me again that they were just friends.

We did have a little excitement towards the end of our hike. We were on a back street in Alta Vista and as we passed the only house on the block, a couple of dogs came out through the fence barking aggressively. Pearl was a little scared, but my mailman experience taught me to respond to aggression with more aggression and most dogs witl back off. What you don’t want to do is turn your back on them, and these dogs were inching closer as we tried to move up the road. I turned around to face them, pulled off my ball cap, and started yelling and waving it around. And then the Filipina owner came out and instead of controlling her dogs, started yelling and cussing at me to leave her dogs alone. Well, that pissed me off and I started yelling back at her to keep her dogs in the yard. It went on like that back and forth for a bit, and I guess I made some kind of face at her, then we walked on. As we passed the shack where the guards live one was outside and I told him what happened. He said he’d speak with the woman. Okay, good enough.

And just a few minutes ago, my helper said the guard had some questions for me and was waiting outside. I walked out to find two guards, the woman I had the confrontation with, and her partner (they are a lesbian couple, not that it matters). Anyway, we began by reiterating the events that led to our disagreement–she thought I was trying to hurt her dogs and I said I was just trying to keep them away. Then she said she was sorry for being so aggressively loud and I apologized for the misunderstanding of her intentions and my rude behavior. We shook hands and that was that.

After our hike, ***** went on her way to the business with the promise of joining me this afternoon for whatever activities we want to share. And as I sat down to write this post my phone rang and it was *****. She told me she was going to get Dick some medicine. I responded, “okay, then.” She ended the call with a see you later. Whatever that means.

And the saga continues.

An interesting evening yesterday. The things that were revealed were not of Biblical proportions, but they may have served a beneficial purpose nonetheless. Here’s how it went down.

Pamela had indicated she’d have some free time away from work and I had my sights set on taking her out for a proper dinner at The Pub. She sent me a message around 4:30 that she was heading home to shower and change. Good stuff. I went to Cheap Charlies to do my bar review (see previous post). When that task was complete, I crossed the highway and visited It Doesn’t Matter to score some drugs.

Maybe that last statement requires a bit more explanation. I’d previously encountered a street vendor there selling tadalafil and I needed wanted some. After all, I’m a 66-year-old man with a 28-year-old girlfriend. I’d actually been prescribed this drug back in Korea for my enlarged prostate. Hard to find here though. Anyway, it was the first time in 40-plus years that I’d acquired drugs from a street dealer. Of course, who knows what you are really getting when you make a purchase in this manner. I tried one last night and Pamela had no complaints.

My regular waitress, Roan, wasn’t working yesterday. She was taking the day off after getting the jab. Good luck with that! Another waitress I had met previously when she worked at Dive In, filled in for Roan at keeping me company. We were talking about her old bar and she happened to mention one of the regular customers there, some guy named “Dick”. Small world, eh? I asked her if she liked Dick (excuse the double entendre) and she shook her head no. Why not? I asked. She said he was too “hands-on” and told about the time he’d grabbed one of the girls by her pussy. That was certainly consistent with what I’d been told by others. You know, as friendly and flirty as I might get with the bargirls, I NEVER touch them in an inappropriate manner. Hey, I’m an HR professional (retired) after all.

After a couple of more beers at IDM, I decided to make my way over to Pamela’s place and wait for her there. When I arrived, Dick was inside with a couple of his buddies and Pamela’s mom. I sat outside. I didn’t want to be drunk when Pearl finally arrived, so I ordered a coffee. Pearl finally messaged me at 6:30 that she was on her way. She told me to just go to The Pub and order take out and we’d eat at her place. I didn’t like that idea much, so I just kept my seat and waited to discuss the matter further in person.

About this time, two young women who appeared to be bargirls came in to order some food to go. I don’t know if Dick knew them or not, but he stood up and grabbed the cute one by the arms and attempted to drag her over to his table. She strongly resisted that effort, yanked herself free, and took a seat as far away from Dick as possible. Good for her! Then Dick moves his chair over to her table so he can sit beside her. Now, I’m outside looking in, but she did not look too pleased about it. I didn’t see any interaction between them at all before she left with her friend. Watching Dick do the shit I’d been hearing about was pretty disturbing. He certainly revealed his true nature and character.

I also had an epiphany. Dick is no threat to me or my relationship with Pamela. Pamela is actually quite conservative and I don’t believe she would ever consider dating a loser like Dick. I think she tolerates him because he brings a lot of business to her place but that’s the extent of it. Now, I very well may fuck things up with her, but it won’t be because of him.

Pamela finally arrived and I told her what happened. She didn’t seem surprised. She did ask why I hadn’t gone for the food, and I said it would be nicer if we ate together in the restaurant. She insisted that we do that another time, so I gave up and went to The Pub alone. Pamela wanted barbeque or grilled meat. John Kim had posted on Facebook that he was serving grilled pork ribs. That sounded perfect! Alas, when I arrived John told me they had already sold out. He was very surprised by how popular that item proved to be. Oh well.

As I perused the menu for alternatives, I decided to get creative. I ordered some salmon maki from the sushi bar, a ribeye steak (with steamed veggies and roasted taters), bulgogi and rice, and some Korean-style chicken wings. Carried them back to Pamela and she was very happy with my selections (except the wings, but they were for me anyway). We sat about dining together at the outside table in full view of Dick who was still seated inside. Before we were done eating, Dick departed for a new venue with Pamela’s mother in tow.

Mission accomplished. There can be no doubt in Dick’s twisted mind now that Pamela is indeed my girl. We also headed to my house before Dick returned which clearly underscored the traditional nature of our date–dinner and boom-boom. Yeah, baby! If there is any remaining concern in my mind it is the obvious (to me) attempt to win the mother over and have her try and influence Pamela on his behalf. Pamela’s mom did call her after we were back at my place and told her Dick was crying again. Poor baby! Pamela also reassured me that her mother never attempts to influence her decisions and choices. Okay then, it’s all good.

I’d call that a pretty fine night, wouldn’t you?

A mostly urban adventure for the Wednesday Walkers yesterday. Our trek took us through the backstreets of Matain, and then along the beachside clutter of Calapacuan. We don’t often venture out this way and I rather enjoyed it. We did do one hill climb (well, the die-hards in the group did two) and it was a nice 6K hike ending at the food place.

More photos from the hike at the end of this post.

Speaking of Pamela, here’s an update of sorts for those of you who have been following along on our quest to share a true and lasting love. I mentioned yesterday that I was hoping she’d join me at darts (we won 8-5 despite my playing like shit) and have dinner afterward. When the match was complete I messaged her and asked if she was coming. She responded that she couldn’t get away from her business. I crossed the street and sulked over a beer at Johan’s, then said “fuck it” and caught a trike to see her in Barretto.

When I arrived, Pamela was sitting alone at a table inside. That was a relief! I joined her and she told me that the Dick had been there and left to go see a bar manager friend down the street. We talked a bit and then the Dick returned and sat at the counter outside. A little later, Pamela handed me a note that said “I go first, meet at Papagayo”, a restaurant a good bit up the highway. That sounded fine to me, but I wasn’t sure what the stealth was all about. Well, yeah, I had my suspicions. Anyway, I paid for my beer, took a leak, and headed up the road. About a block away I ran into Pamela just as she was about to get in a trike, so I hopped in with her.

I’ve only eaten at Papagayo once or twice since moving here. Pamela says they have the best Mexican food in town. She particularly enjoys the burritos. It’s a beachside resort, very nicely appointed, and we had a sweet outdoor table in the nearly empty restaurant.

I was just happy to be able to spend some time together and appreciated her getting away from work. It wasn’t all pleasant though. Pamela doesn’t always appreciate my sense of humor. That afternoon at her place I had teasingly equated what she does at her work as being a GRO (guest relations officer). Well, that’s a term some of the bars use for their female staff and she found it offensive. I assured her that no offense was intended and she let it go, but I’m going to need to remember to watch what I say to her.

Neither of us wound up getting the burrito, she ordered clams and I got a beef enchilada.

After dinner, I had the trike drop her back off at work and I went home. Pamela came over around midnight. Told me Dick was back to his old self. In what way, I asked. She said, he asked me to go home with him, told me he wanted me to have his baby, said he would marry me, and that when he died he would leave everything to me. For some reason, that pissed me off. I angrily told her that if she didn’t deal with the inappropriate remarks he was making to MY girlfriend, I would deal with it my own way, even if it resulted in violence. She seemed taken aback by my response. She reassured me again that she only saw him as a friend, had no interest in anything more, and that she would never be unfaithful to me. I calmed down, but damn, I’m not sure how long I can deal with that kind of drama.

I made her my version of a burrito for breakfast. She rightly noted that it was more like a soft taco. It’s a tortilla with seasoned ground beef, tomato, lettuce, green onion, cheese, and salsa. Pearl added sour cream to hers (damn, why didn’t I think of that?) and deemed it delicious.

After breakfast, I walked her to her food place and I did my morning hike. She had asked me to stop back after I finished and so I did. When I arrived, she was sitting next to the Dick at the outside counter. At first, I was pissed again and started to just walk on. Then I decided I wasn’t going to make it that easy, so I went in and sat down. Pamela had me move my stool next to her and gave me a cup of coffee and her full attention. Alright, take that Dick! To be fair, Dick did greet me and did engage me in a little generic conversation. Pamela promised to meet up with me later in the day today. I finished my coffee and left them there.

You know, if I really thought Dick would be better for her than I am, I wouldn’t hesitate to let her go. I’m not sure that Pamela’s professions of having no interest in him are true, but, I think she is sincere in believing that’s the case. If you know what I mean. I’m still having my own thoughts about my old life and wondering if this love thing is worth all these emotions it seems to generate.

I’ll give it some more time and see what happens next.

To the photos from the hike then:

And that was the way it went down.

Stay tuned for the further adventures that are sure to come!

I did my Hare duties this morning, marking tomorrow’s Hash trail with my fellow hares, Pubic Head, and Blow My Pipe. The hike comes in at just under 7K with two decent climbs. I’m pretty pleased with the effort, might even be the best trail ever! Or at least the best this week.

Yesterday afternoon I enjoyed some quality time with xxxx. Had my driver drop us off in SBMA (the old Navy base) and we did a little walkabout on the waterfront.

Anyway, it was a pleasant way to spend some time together. I was tempted by Texas Joe’s, one of my favorites, and it turns out likes it too. The parking lot was overflowing though, and by the time we eliminated other options, we were back where we started at The Lighthouse. So we decided to give it a try.

After dinner, we went to the bar next where I had a couple of more beers. xxxx doesn’t really drink beer, but she will sip at a low-alcohol flavored brew called San Miguel Apple. By sip, I mean that after I had consumed two full beers, xxxx still had a half bottle of Apple to go. That’s okay, I’ll try to drink enough for the both of us if need be.

Took a taxi back to Barretto and sat on the roof of Barcelona enjoying the evening views while replaying our beer drinking ways. We talked some more about future adventures and I’ll endeavor to do better advance planning to make them come true. xxxx wants to visit La Union (about three hours north) one day soon. It was a good day overall.

xxxx needed to go back to her food place for a bit before calling it a night. The plan was for me to order some takeout and we’d eat it at my place watching some TV together. Well, the place was crowded and my order was at the back of the queue, so it took a while. xxxx was busy consulting with her mother while I waited for my food. And then some Dick came in and our plans were foiled.

I guess he’s figured out that his fantasy girl is my reality and he’s not a happy camper. xxxx told me she was staying behind to deal with him and she’d join me later. I was pissed but chose retreat over future regret. We’ll see how that works out for me.

xxxx did arrive an hour or so later and we slept in each other’s arms. That was my happy ending to the day.

I’ve decided I’m not giving up on Pam. She’s worth fighting for.

Yeah, it’s been a crazy ride so far and yesterday was yet another example of that fact. I thought we were going to dinner, so I went by her place around 4:00 p.m. to make sure she was going to be free to leave. Once again, Pam was sitting at the table with [that guy]* and several others. I also observed that she was finishing what appeared to be a club sandwich. So much for dinner, I thought to myself. Well, I had already resolved to not be intimidated by a Brit trying to steal away “my” girl, so I pulled up a stool at the counter with my back to the gathering at the table and ordered a beer. Not a word of greeting or acknowledgment of my presence from Pam. After a few minutes, Pam and [that guy] went inside and sat down together at a table. Alright, I had seen enough. I went inside, paid for my beer, and as I was leaving [that guy] engaged me in some conversation about an incident in Angeles where a friend of his had been beaten by the police. I politely listened and responded, said goodnight, and headed out the door. I was pretty numb at this point.

Pam followed me out and showed me a message on her phone concerning some legal issues she is facing over control of her business. She said [that guy] had some connections and she didn’t want to discuss the issues she’s dealing with outside in front of the others. Whatever. Pam wasn’t free to join me for dinner and so I left not knowing what to think, but I knew I was very unhappy about what I was feeling.

Went to Mango’s and took up my beachside stool drank some beer and ordered up some food.

After a couple of beers, I decided a walk on the beach was in order.

So, I decided a visit to It Doesn’t Matter was in order. Me plying Roan and another waitress with lady drinks was a nice enough distraction. After a while, I decided a change of scenery was in order, so I paid a visit to Cheap Charlies. I was surprised to see the place so busy. But Alma, my favorite there, found me a nice seat upfront with the highway view I prefer. More drinking and buying lady drinks ensued.

I had periodically been messaging Pam but she was mostly unresponsive. She did acknowledge that [that guy] was still at the bar. Well, in that case, I wasn’t going back so I caught a trike home instead. I was sound asleep at 11:30 when my phone rang. It was Pam telling me she was coming over. Okay then.

After she arrived, I went back to bed. She joined me. And we had a nice long talk before we fell asleep. And another long talk this morning. She convinced me that [that guy] is no threat to me, and while acknowledging he makes nearly constant advances, she has no intention of succumbing to his desires. He is a customer first and foremost, and one that perhaps will have some value in resolving her current situation with the landlord of her business. I told her that I trust her and have no interest in creating additional difficulties or stress in her life.

We also talked about ways we could have more success at spending time together. We do well when we are sharing adventures or doing things we both enjoy. So, we’ll see if we can work out a way to make that happen more often.

So, just when I was about to give up, Pam pulled me back in. She really is amazing in many ways and very much unlike the other women I have met here. I’m not going to quit unless and until I find that she is unworthy of my love and trust. We still need to improve our communication skills with each other, but based on our recent conversations I think we can make that happen.

*I am no longer comfortable using [that guy’s] name in these posts. It is a small town I’m living in, he’s lived here a lot longer, and he is well known throughout the community. He also apparently has friends in high places and I don’t need that kind of trouble in my life either.

Look at us baby, up all night
Tearing our love apart
Aren't we the same two people
Who lived through years in the dark?

Every time I try to walk away
Something makes me turn around and stay
And I can't tell you why

When we get crazy
It just ain't right
(try to keep your head, little girl)
Girl, I get lonely, too
You don't have to worry
Just hold on tight
(don't get caught in your little world)
'Cause I love you

Nothing's wrong as far as I can see
We make it harder than it has to be
And I can't tell you why
No, baby, I can't tell you why
I can't tell you why

Every time I try to walk away
Something makes me turn around and stay
And I can't tell you why