Stupid man

This will be the final post in the series about the fuck over I received from Loraine.  Yesterday I once again expressed to her all that I felt for her, told her again that she had made the wrong choice, and gave her a final opportunity to change her mind.  Now or never I said.  By her lack of response, she chose never.  I gave her that chance because I didn’t want there to be any doubt about how I felt and where the blame lies. I’ve blocked her on messenger and no longer care to hear whatever she may have to say about us.  And I certainly don’t want to hear her painful entreaties when Kev proves to be the liar I believe him to me.  Heh, they deserve each other in that regard.

It has been a gut-wrenching past few days.  Haven’t completely got my mind around it yet, but I hope I’m grasping the lessons this whole sad affair was meant to teach me.  And it has been amazing to see all the people who have reached out to me with heart felt advice and support.  It really helped me get my mind right and gain some perspective.

Perhaps most impressive was hearing from two Filipina women who have loved me in the past.  I am so thankful that despite the pain I caused them, they still care about me.  I count them among the small handful of friends I maintain in this life.  Here is some of their advice:

Its like you are giving her the power of prolonging the agony if you remember her. Choose to be in control and avoid entertaining memories.

There are many who will gladly accept the pay you gave Loraine. Maybe the next one will be loyal.

Choose to be tough  There it is. An opportunity.

Its not really the person that will make it hard to move on, its more of the memories and the plans you had in the future with her that makes it harder.

John if she had loved you she can not do this to you…she can not hurt you…but she thought she would better with other man then she had to know it…you are a wonderful person and you deserve good things in life…you will be ok…I know that…and this is not a thing u should be devastated about..Goodluck again.. I pray for your welfare.
I’m also going to post some of the advice I got on the Philippines forum when I posted my sad tale there.  I really just want to have all this wisdom in one place where I can refer to it as necessary.
John, that’s a sorry tale but you need to suck it up and move on. Indeed she had a better offer and had to grab it when the opportunity presented itself. Kev was probably in a more desperate state than yourself so again had to pounce or chance losing out. With this experience now behind you there’s every chance you’ll move onto bigger and better things. There’s plenty of good girls in the Pines that are exactly what you are looking for so don’t be discouraged. Get back out there and let love take care of itself. 
 It also shows you her resolve was shaky at best which is a good thing.  Maybe in due time, the shine of the golden promises of her newfound lover will slowly reveal its leaded core, and she will be crying back to you again.  I would just bite the bullet, delete all contacts, ignore and move on…. That would be the fastest way to get over her.  But easier said than done, most of of us would probably be in same shoes.  Why not look for a younger model, at most 30-40 yo, that’s what I would do.  
I would give shit to a promise of a guy she knows since short to marry her and to take her to the UK. Must be either a looser or someone just getting into her panties with empty promises. Move on mate. Shes in for the money only. 
Followed your story with interest, brother–and while I feel for you, can’t say I’m too surprised by the outcome. 
I’m experiencing this deep truth on a daily basis myself: things rarely turn out as planned with Filipinas. In their struggle for survival–and generating support for their offspring and family–whatever loyalty they feel to some foreigner readily tends to switch over to a higher bidder.
Actually you got off easy, brother–after giving in to a classic piece of emotional blackmail. It’s Kev I’m worried about! 
Once the new-relationship energy between Kev and this mature has dissipated–and once Kev’s triumph over winning her over against stiff competition has worn off–the true cost of his extravagant promises is likely to hit home, and the whole marriage-and-adoption scheme will fall apart.
Totally predictable what will happen at this point: she’ll come crawling back to you, beg for forgiveness, and swear everlasting devotion–while, of course, keeping up her search for someone more optimal on dating sites. 
The only question I have: will you take her back? 

The next girl you crush on could be anything.  Maybe prettier.  Or funnier.  Or sweeter.  Or whatever you like. It’s a world of possibility and acceptance isn’t about making excuses for her.  It isn’t about trying to understand her so that you can understand, and gain control over, the future relationship. Acceptance is about accepting that this is how life is and embracing the positive aspect of it, which is that you have a beautiful adventure ahead of you, starting today.

The assumption here that Kev is gonna follow through with his promises. Knowing how that works, it is less than 50/50. I am worried about John actually getting back with Lorraine after Kev ditches her under some false pretext.  What do these girls know that we don’t know or refuse to understand. They know we are vulnerable after a certain age and we long for company which we don’t get in places where we live. Once they know you are hooked on, you are done. I am glad that John escaped relatively unscathed.      ***

She was playing you. If it were true love, she never would have allowed this Kev guy into her life. It is actually worse than that. She actively searched for Kev. Count yourself lucky. Now, go get yourself a younger model.                                                                     ***

And finally, this from commenter Kevin Kim on my previous post:

The Hindu concept of life is that it’s a painful wheel of existence called samsara.We’re chained to this repetitive, revolving wheel through our actions (karma). The object of the game is to gain enough wisdom about the nature of things so as to escape an eternity of repeating the wheel of life-events, again and again, all thanks to our accidental or deliberate unwisdom. Good luck as you examine deep causes and do your best to find liberation from the wheel (moksha) and bliss in your life (ananda). Every day is a new chance to walk a different path!

I will walk a new path.  Hopefully it will not lead me to more stupidity.

(with apologies to Neil Young)

You’re just a stupid man
You really got a lot to learn
To start living again
Forget about remembering
You’re such a stupid man.

You’re such a beautiful fish
Floppin’ on the summer sand
Lookin’ for the wave you missed
When another one is close at hand
You’re such a stupid man



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