Stupid is as stupid does

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated here, but the sad truth is there has just not been much going on in my life worthy of note. Well, until last night. Here’s what went down (some details were supplied by witnesses at the scene since I was not in a position to observe all that was going on).

Last night after work I decided to exit my place of residence for a couple of hours. It has turned cold again and I was craving something other than my usual dinner fare (out of a can or out of the freezer). So I wandered over to 3 Alley Pub. I’ve been there a few times but it is not one of my usual hangouts. Unless we are playing there in darts or pool league, I mostly go for the food. Which is excellent and reasonably priced by the way. Menu is varied, but the theme is German cooking. I had a bowl of seafood and potato soup with bread and butter. And a draft OB. Really hit the spot and a pretty good deal at 9000 Won.

I chatted with Tom, an acquaintence I play pool with occasionally, who was also sitting at the bar. I bought a spot in the Super Bowl pool and got invited to the 3 Alley party to watch the game on the big screen TV Monday morning. Party starts at 7 a.m. and they are expecting over 100 people. Sounds like fun, huh?

(forgive me for dragging this out, but my habit is to write boring and meandering drivel, and I don’t want to disappoint my readers who come here for reassurance, i.e. “man, I’m glad I’m not him! At least I have a life…”)

Anyway, after the one beer and soup at 3 Alley I headed over to Dolce Vita. It has become my hangout of choice, and I actually have some friends I enjoy spending time with there (in a Cliffy from Cheers kinda way). It’s about 6:30 when I arrive, and the only other customer is Rich, a contractor who works on Yongsan, who also spends a lot of time at Dolce Vita. I order another draft beer and we engage in some friendly banter with the owner, Yun Jin (YJ), and the two barkeeps, Min Jung (aka Rachel) and Halley (it’s her Korean name but I am spelling it phonetically). They were in rare form and we were all exhanging friendly banter, laughing and having a great time.

After awhile Jeff came in, which really was a pleasant surprise. He leaves Korea on Saturday and he’s been one of my best friends this past year. We had said our goodbyes on Tuesday, so I had not expected I would ever see him again. I had intended to make it an early night, but his arrival called for another round of beers. Then Duke (another Yongsan contractor) arrived. Duke is really a great guy and one of the best dart players in Itaewon. He’s really been helping me with my game and we are rapidly becoming good buds. He is smitten with Min Jung and I am always good naturedly trying to thwart his efforts in that regard. Shortly thereafter, Roger arrived. Roger’s a soldier and we have been talking about a trip to the Philippines and/or Thailand. So “my gang” of bar buds was all there and the party was on. Later a couple of Korean gentlemen arrived, one I had met before who is a patent attorney. He wants to become a lawyer in the States but feels he must improve his English first. Which is a not to subtle hint that he wants my assistance in that regard. We exhanged business cards but I really doubt I’m going to be taking on the role of teacher.

The other Korean was an older guy (meaning older than me, which makes him pretty ancient) who gave his name as “Jay”. He was pretty funny and had an interesting taste in music. He wanted to hear “Cotten Fields” (he was quite impressed that I actually knew the lyrics…”when I was a little bitty baby my mama would rock me in the cradle, in them ol’ cotton fields back home. It was down in Louisiana, just about a mile from Texarkana, in them ol’ cotten fields back home…”. Of course, my singing didn’t impress, so I found it on the Internet for him. Then he wanted to hear “When the Saints go Marching In”. I didn’t try and sing that one, but I played it for him. He grinned and assured me he was just an old redneck. Koreans never cease to amaze me.

Jeff and I moved over to the pool table where we played a five game set, of which I won three. They were all close games, but yeah, my pool is definitely starting to come around. I even won a game in league this week, which brought my ranking up to #421. There are now two players in Itaewon who are actually ranked lower. Woo Hoo!

(ok, bear with me I’m getting to the interesting part of the story. Really.)

While Jeff and I had been playing pool, Duke and Roger were throwing darts. Apparently Duke had put quite an ass whippin’ on Roger. So when they came back to the bar I suggested to Roger that after his sorry display the least he could do was “ring the bell” (which requires the ringer to buy everyone a drink). I was kidding, but Roger in his shame did in fact ring the bell. Now, I didn’t really want (or need) another drink. It was about 10 o’clock and I was ready to head for home. I was NOT drunk. I want to emphasize that point. I had warm buzz, but as my almost stellar pool performance proves, I was in control of my faculties. Since I’m a slow drinker and didn’t want to stay as long as it would take to finish another beer, I opted for a shot of Tequila. After a friendly toast we downed our shots and I began preparing to leave.

And then Jim came in. Jim is YJ’s husband and one of my favorite people. During our earlier banter, YJ told us the Korean word for “horny”. Which I don’t remember now. Anyway, her risque talk (which is quite unusual as she is normally pretty reserved) led us to speculate that Jim was going to be getting lucky. And we were all over him with that kind of talk as soon as he came in.

I remember laughing and standing up to slap him on the back and then I started to cough (the lingering effect from my recent bout with the cold/flu bug). So as not to be rude, I walked away from the bar towards the restroom…

And the next thing I know is I am lying on the floor. Surronded by the worried faces of Duke, Jim, Jeff, Roger and the Dolce Vita staff. My shirt was unbuttoned Jim was holding a cold compress on my forehead. I was bleeding and they were discussing whether or not I was going to need stitches. I had apparently knocked myself unconcious and they thought I might have a concussion. Duke told me later that he had seen the whole thing. As I walked towards the restroom, I had tripped on my own feet and went head first into the pointed end of the wall and dropped to the floor like a rock.

Laying there I didn’t feel much pain, but I was extremely embarrassed. I maintain that the fall was me being a total klutz, not a hopeless drunk. But I surmised it might appear otherwise. I will say in my own defense that I have had MUCH more to drink and not fallen on my ass (or my head). So that was my main concern, I wanted to reassure everyone I was ok and I told them I didn’t have a drinking problem…I get drunk, I fall down, no problem. Yeah, old joke but not one you tell after getting drunk and falling down, right? I hope that came across at least, because my pride hurt much more than my head.

So they helped me to my feet and led me back to my bar stool. I remember sitting down. Then the next thing I remember I was looking up into those same worried faces again. Apparently I had some kind of seizure, got red in the face and appeared to be having trouble breathing. I’m told they picked me up from the bar stool and laid me back on the floor and Duke put his fingers in my mouth to keep my tongue out of my throat. This time when I came to I actually felt quite a bit better than when I had set back down at the bar. They were all pretty freaked out though, because it appeared I was bleeding from the mouth during the seizure. I’m actually pretty sure it was just blood from the head wound though.

I had a similar seizure-like incident several years ago after donating blood. I was sitting at the table drinking my juice and eating my cookie and then the next thing I know I was sniffing smelling salts. I thought I’d just passed out but the nurse said it was more than that. The Red Cross told me I should forego future blood donations. So now I have a guilt free excuse at blood drive time.

Well, this time there was no convincing the Dolce Vita crowd that I was fine. They had already called an ambulance and I was going to the hospital. What could I do but lay there and try to save face by cracking wise. I think the fact that I had a sense of humor intact reassured everyone I was going to be ok. When I told them how stupid I felt about the whole incident, Duke suggested that my cover story could be that I got fresh with Min Jung and she hit me with a beer bottle. Which under the circumstances was a much better prospect than just being viewed as a dweeb who couldn’t hold his liquor. And I remember Roger kept saying “man, I don’t think I want to go to the Philippines with you anymore”. Bastard.

So the ambulance arrives and the attendants help me to my feet and walk me down the three flights of stairs to the street. I crawled into the ambulance and Duke and YJ accompanied me to the hospital in Hannam-dong (coincidentally right around the corner from my villa). They checked my blood pressure and it was normal. Duke has lived in Korea for ten years and was formerly married to a Korean woman. He speaks decent Korean. And of course YJ is a native so they were able to translate what had happened and clued me in to what was being said.

We get to the emergency room and I got an up close and personal exposure to Korean medicine. Now, I was fortunate that it was not your typical US emergency room scene (where I would have waited hours for treatment). There were maybe a dozen patients milling about, but I got looked at right away. One difference was that there was no paper work to speak of. I gave Duke my Army ID and that was all they asked for. Another difference was that there was no privacy, basically the treatment area was open with cots and equipment scattered about. It seemed a little disorganized and not particularly sterile (I noted a microwave oven amongst the medical devices, so I assume during lulls in activity the staff just has a little snack of kimchi and rice or something). Anyway, they took my blood pressure again and while that was happening the Korean police showed up. I guess they thought I had been in a fight. Duke was able to convince them it was just an accident and they seem satisfied and left. Then the nurse took me for a head x-ray (it came back negative, ha-ha). From there I was taken to a table and told to lie down. I guess Duke and YJ had been hustled off, because I was on my own at this point. They flushed the head wound repeatedly with some incredibly cold liquid, then pulled it open for a better look-see. This was moderately painful, but being the macho American I am (or at least that was the perception I wanted to convey) I didn’t let on. During all this there was a fair amount of Korea talk going on, but of course I have no idea what they were saying. In my imagination it was something disparaging about drunk mi-gooks, but more likely they were discussing next steps. Eventually a nurse who spoke English advised that they had called a “plastic surgeon” to give me stiches.

Well, I am 50 years old (shuddup) and these would be my first stiches. It was also my first ambulance ride. So I guess on balance I’ve been pretty lucky all these years. The surgeon arrived and they placed this heavy cloth over my face. It was a little disconcerting and it appeared to have a brown stain on it, the origins of which I chose not to specualte about. So the stiching commenced. The doc said it would hurt a little, and it did in a bee sting kinda way. I tried to ask how many and I think I heard four. I had gotten to the hospital about 11:00 and it seemed to take a long time sewing my head back together. When the cloth was finally removed from my face it was midnight. If I understood correctly they did interior stiches and exterior stiches, which I guess means the cut was deep. Instead of using one large bandage, they used about 20 small ones. I guess to keep the wound closed so the stiches would hold, or maybe they were out of big ones.

Duke was waiting when I came out and said they needed my credit card. I was a little nervous that the bill might exceed my available funds, but the whole thing came to the 105, 000 Won (just over a hundred US dollars). Now there is a BIG difference because I would have spent at least five times that much in the States. So, while I’m paying a nurse indicates she needs to give me a shot of antibiotics. I go with her to an alcove and she pulls the curtain and I start to roll up my sleeve. She shakes her head no, and points to my butt. Oh yeah, I should have known. I read on Jenn’s blog that they are real big on ass injections here. In fact, they gave me two.

Then it was over to the pharmacy for some pills which Duke said were more antibiotics and a pain killer. It struck me that I was getting all this medicine and no one had taken any medical history from me or even asked about allergies. Oh well, I have no known allergies and I’m not on any other meds, so I figured it was ok.

And that was it. I thanked Duke profusely for all his help and concern and walked the two blocks home. And damn it was cold last night.

I took the day off work today, but I’m feeling just fine. My head is sore to the touch, but otherwise I have no pain to speak of. All in all, except for my wounded pride I came out of the whole experience pretty damn well.

So there you have it, an actual Korean adventure. Hopefully, a once in a lifetime type deal, because once was definitely enough.

9 thoughts on “Stupid is as stupid does

  1. Glad you are o.k., what an experience. Despite the out come it sounds like you are having a good time, and truely and adventure to write about. I find it interesting that they are not set up a little more to handle emergencies. But, then again, it is nice to not go through all that red tape. Take a few days off, you need it after that.

  2. I will be the first to suggest you get a thorough check up by American docs. That “seizure” remark did not sound very good. Duke said you appeared to trip over your own feet…that could have been a seizure as well. Two blackouts within a short period of time must be investigated. You can’t rely on the results of an examination given in a combination operating room / lunch room. And they gave you an X-ray? That’s pretty basic first aid station stuff…I think the American docs might step it up to an MRI or something like that. You know how drunk you were (or were not). If you were not REALLY drunk, don’t blame the booze. It is as simple as that.

  3. Glad you’re ok, but I second the comment about getting a more thorough check-up concerning the seizures. They didn’t find anything, but there is a reason. Don’t want that to happen while you’re driving. Also if you ever had a real medical problem in Korea you don’t want to have anything to do with their ambulances – basically just a taxi with lights. Most are not stocked with what would be basic materials in the States, and I don’t think those techs are anything close to EMTs.

    I went to a Korean ER once for stitches (my first time to get them as well). I was a language student and living in a ha-suk-chip (boarding house for students that includes a room and some meals). Lived in the basement along with 8 other students.

    The bathroom was elevated about a yard up, with a couple tile steps leading down to a door and the basement hall. Well, the shower pointed towards the steps, so sometimes water got on them. I’d noticed that, but after taking a leak at about 1:30am my feet went out from under me and the next body part to touch anything was the back of my head on the tile step.

    Hurt like hell, had a pretty good headache, and was bleeding a bit. I was trying to see the damage in a large mirror in the hallway with a small hand mirror when 4-5 of the other students living there arrived – drunk (I was completely sober).

    I would never have gone to a doctor to fix that (seemed minor and I’d had worse before), but they saw blood and freaked out – practically forced me into a cab and took me to the nearest ER, which happened to be a university hospital at the school where I was taking language courses, so I had some insurance. Get this – I had to pay first! It was 30-40k won (roughly $25-35 at the time).

    They looked at it, cleaned/shaved a very small area, put in 7 stitches without even topical anesthetic, and gave me three days worth of some sort of pills. I think they thought I was drunk b/c of the Korean guys that helped me get there – they smelled like a soju factory. But it was fast and cheap.

  4. I think you should get the MRI. It may not be a seizure situation so much as a lack of ozygen to the brain thing. You were probably hyperventilating a bit when you gave blood. I know that doesn’t sit well with your big guy image but you know a big guys heart has to work harder. You said you were coughing which can also constrict oxygen intake. This shouldn’t cause you to black out unless of course you have something else wrong with you! Get your carotid arteries checked for a blockage at the very least. I would be seriously upset if you didn’t come home in the same condition as you left-i.e., alive. Now do it!

  5. I think Carol’s right. You should get an MRI. And you should also get a spinal tap and three biopsies and 83 ass injections. And take two aspirins. Oh yes, and eat an apple.
    I’m joking, but probably you should get checked out by a Western doc? I don’t have a lot of faith in Korean medicine. I took over 350 pills and had about 10 ass injections with my last bout of whatever it was I had (ebola?) and still can’t hear well out my right ear. I need one on those granny gramaphone things to stick in my ear canal, “what’cha say sonny?”
    Make sure you’re ok. Ok?
    “Get home alive” is great advice. I hope you’re alright.

  6. I had a similiar experience. In mny case I had an infection in my wisdom teeth. I still had to have a neurological exam. If they took blood, they should have seen an enzyme count had gone up. Supposedly a siezure leaves this at an elevated kevel. Of course, the cause may be any number or minor or serious problems. I had to have an MRI and extensive blood work up. It would be helpful to think back to the earlier siezure and try to remember as much as you can about the circumstances.Take care of yourself. Great post, by the way.Thank you for your service.

  7. Hey, John. Yup, everyone’s exactly right. You need to see a neurologist right quick. And have an MRI. And a bunch of other tests. And report back, of course, so we don’t keep reminding you that you need to do this. 💡

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