Rent’s paid

For the next two years. Handed over $109,000 cash. Hard to let it go, but it wasn’t mine anyway.

My buddy Rob who is currently spending his time in the sandbox (Iraq) sent me some tips on living a healthy life:

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! … Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and eating healthier.

And remember:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “Woo Hoo, what a ride!”

So based on this, I must be one healthy m’f’er. Glad to see Rob still has his sense of humor. I will take that as a good sign.

4 thoughts on “Rent’s paid

  1. 4.8 million won per month in rent? 😯 Holy crap, that’s expensive! And I complain about paying 1.2 million per month for a 47 pyong apt…

  2. Yes, it is certainly more than I could or would pay without my Uncle Sam’s assistance. I think this place is 46 pyong. Rent actually went up the previous lease, coincidentally in the exact amount of the LQA increase. Go figure.

  3. Holy cow! Gabby Johnson is right, that’s an awful lot of Won for some Pyong…or is Pyong something totally different from what I’m thinking? Just kidding. You guys are suckers though. The Army sent me to Baghdad and they picked up the cost for the flight! They gave me some new gear for free! I was given half of a small trailer to live in that can’t be any less than 2 talk about a palace! Then these fools pay me extra money for being over here. The only thing they asked for in return was that I work 13 hour days, take one day off a month, and take my chances with incoming rockets, mortars, and gunfire…and any possible IEDs I may encounter on any patrols I go out on! Now that is a sweet deal. I can’t believe more people don’t leave their families behind for a crack at this fun. Well I’m off to buy a fan in preparation for the inevitible summer heat. They say it is just like the Bahamas here during the summer. Then I’ve got to get some of their awesome cuisine that is almost as good as chicken on a stick from Itaewon…delicious! Take care John…Rob!

  4. Too funny, Rob! Really glad you are keeping your sense of humor…yeah, that’s one sweet deal you got going over there. Still, I bet you miss on soju kettle now and then.

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