Well, first I lose my pride and now this happens:
Anyway, the long holiday weekend is drawing to a close. I had half-considered going up to Seoul on Saturday, but decided to nix the idea as there is really nothing for me in Seoul either. At least here when I get drunk I can sleep in my own bed.
When I wasn’t drinking this weekend, I was walking. Too cold to take the bike out, but I just incorporated those two hours into my walking regimen. I’ve been well over 20,000 steps each day. Weighed in at an even 211 pounds today, that’s down 15 pounds in two weeks. I know that pace can’t be sustained, but I hope with the increase in walking and decrease in eating (I have one full meal a day supplemented with healthy snacks) will get me down to the coveted 199 pounds soon.
Emotionally, I’m still on a roller coaster, but overall I’m making progress. Walking gives me lots of time to think and I’m getting things clearer in my head for the most part.
Forgive us the wrongs we have done, as we forgive the wrongs that others have done to us. (Matthew 6:12)
Look at me, quoting fucking Bible verses for Christ’s sake. Well, yes. Yes I am. One thing I’ve done is forgive myself for the mistakes I made that brought me to this sorry pass. It seems to have helped me let go of the past and prepares me for the next big thing. Whatever the hell that will be.
So, I was the only customer in Arirang last night (there’s a military exercise going on, so none of the soldiers are allowed to drink). One of the other girls was playing sad Filipino songs while I told Anna the story of my life (hey, I was buying her drinks, she had to listen!).
Just about the time I was ready to start crying in my beer, she played this song for me:
I’m letting myself off the hook for things I’ve done
I let my past go past
And now I’m having more fun
I’m letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone
I can’t walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I’d been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I’m going, I’m already home
See, I told you she was smart. Now I’ve got to be smart enough to actually let myself live in the moment. That’s all I have.