Well, there’s a first time for everything. Unfortunately.
Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as avoiding or ignoring and refusing to respond to the former partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate.
Ghosting may be especially traumatic for those on the receiving end, causing feelings of ostracism and rejection;[6] those with low self-esteem may be especially vulnerable to negative emotional and psychological consequences as a result of it.[citation needed]
Some mental health professionals consider ghosting to be a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse, a type of silent treatment or stonewalling behaviour, and emotional cruelty.[6]
My “friend” Mi Young has apparently broken off all communication with me without any explanation. We last talked on Thursday (via messenger) and I had invited her to join me for some American BBQ at a new place in town. As usual, her schedule was ambiguous so I said I’m free whenever you are, just let me know. And that’s the last I’ve heard from her. I sent a message on Monday asking what was up which she saw but did not respond to. And so that’s it I guess.
Never experienced a “ghosting” before. It sucks. And it hurts.
Similarly, my “ex” Loraine, who had professed to want to remain friends, has not responded to a series of messages I sent. I wished her a happy new year and got nothing back. A week later I sent a message simply asking if she was okay. Nothing.
How hard is it to say “I don’t want to ever hear from you again, please don’t message me”. Sure, that would be painful but it is better than just being ignored as if I didn’t exist. It’s just a chickenshit thing to do. I was good to both of these women, I think I deserve the dignity of a response, even if that response is “fuck off!”.
Oh well, life goes on.
Loraine has already proven to have a forked tongue. There’s no reason to bother with her. I’d suggest doing the Korean thing and cutting her completely out of your life. It’s always Americans who, bizarrely, think they can preserve some taste of a past relationship by wanting to “remain friends.” I’ve never understood this urge myself; there’s too much potential for emotional pitfalls when two exes try to stay friends. No: simpler is better. Lop her out of your life, man, and don’t worry about her. Think of her as a wart to be frozen off. As a Buddhist might say: discard your attachments.
As for Mi Young… I think you’ve answered your own question: “As usual, her schedule was ambiguous.” Trust me, her schedule isn’t ambiguous to those she chooses to be truly close to. Now, at least, you know whether you’re part of her innermost circle.
Given the future-orientation of many of your recent posts, I think your happiest course of action is to remain focused on what’s coming next. A new life awaits!
Thanks for those words of tough love, Kevin. They are much appreciated. In my gut I know you are completely right. I’m not sure why I have a such hard time not caring for people I have cared about it. But you are right, neither has a place in my future.
Forward!