I recently cancelled my internet service with Time Warner.  What started out as a $30 per month expense had escalated to $48 over the course of two years.  My last bill indicated that my “promotional” rate was expiring so I tried to call and find out what the hell that was going to cost me.  Several attempts resulted in a busy signal.  Which was pretty aggravating to say the least.  I mean, who doesn’t have an automated system to put you in the queue for an actual customer service rep?

Now, the cost of my satellite television with DirecTV had also risen to the point that I was paying $135 a month for a couple of hours of viewing each week (I spend as much or more time on Netflix).  AT&T had been after me to sign up for their UVerse internet and television combination package for quite some time.  Given my frustration with Time Warner’s unresponsiveness, I gave them a call.  When I hung up I had secured an internet and television package at a comparatively bargain price of only $110 a month.  Coincidentally, the amount I’m saving almost pays for the gouging I took from AT&T when I upgraded to smart phones.

Once I had the UVerse installed it was time to formally end my relationship with DirecTV and Time Warner.  Bless their hearts, neither one wanted to see me go.  I spent at least 30 minutes on the phone with each while they tried to talk me out of making the switch.  And both offered to adjust my bill back down to the initial introductory rate (for six months anyway).  And they both called back again the next day to once again plead their case for my staying on board.  But it was too late, I had given my commitment to AT&T and we are destined to stay together for at least the next 12 months.

Anyway, the Time Warner cancellation was effective on June 3.  I was told I would be receiving a $32 refund for the remainder of the billing cycle.  Now,  I have most of my bills set up for automatic deduction from my bank account which works out great while I’m out of the country for extended periods.  I closed the bank account where the Time Warner deduction was drawn (and moved to a far less sucky banking institution).  So, imagine my surprise when I received a notice in the mail from Time Warner indicating that on June 7 (four days after termination of the service) their attempt to bill my former bank $48 had been rejected.  And here’s the perversely hilarious part–they added a $30 fee for the draft being denied.  But wait, it gets even better.  The bill looked something like this:

Monthly charge for internet $48  Rejection fee $30.  Total $78.  Minus the $32credit I had coming.  Total due: $46.

I was livid and got right on the phone.  And waited and waited waited for the customer service rep to become available.  When she was I explained the fuck up.  She told me she would have to transfer me to billing.  So I waited some more.  When billing got on the line I explained it all again.  She seemed to understand and put me on hold while she discussed it with her supervisor.  When she came back she advised I would have to be transferred to collections.  And yep, I waited some more.

The collections guy was quite the prick.  We argued on the phone for the better part of an hour.  His position was that it was my fault for closing my bank account without notifying them.  I responded with why were you billing me for a month of service several days after the account was closed?  See, I’m pretty certain that when I signed up I paid a month in advance.  So, when I made the payment on May 24 that carried me through to June 24.  Which is why I was told I had a $32 credit coming.  Mr. Collections Prick didn’t see it that way, but was unable to explain why I was billed for a full month on June 7.  I held my tongue pretty much (the worst I said was “this is total bullshit” and that’s pretty amazing restraint on my part).  It became apparent he was not going to be dissuaded from his position that I went from being owed money to owing money.  So, I offered a compromise (this penny ante crap wasn’t worth the aggravation).  I told him I would pay the $16 I didn’t owe, but I was not going to pay the $30 rejection fee.

Collections Prick responded “Time Warner will not waive the fee.”  I told him good luck trying to collect it, because I won’t pay it under any circumstance.  He said “That’s fine, then it will go on your credit report as an uncollected debt.”  And that’s the point where the call mercifully ended.

Time Warner Cable sucks.  Tomorrow I’ll be sending them a letter telling them they suck along with a check for $16.  I’ll also let them know that my blog and Facebook page has duly noted their general suckiness as a warning to folks so they won’t have to find out the hard way like I did. And I’ll cc the South Carolina Consumer Affairs folks who regulate utilities like Time Warner Cable Sucks, for all the good I expect that do.  And I’ll keep that letter on file to send to the credit reporting agencies should Time Warner Cable Sucks follow through on their threat.

Whew.  Glad I got that off my chest.  Hey speaking of things that suck, Value City Furniture pretty much sucks too.  To be fair, I purchased my master bedroom suite (why is suite pronounced “suit” and why do they call it that anyway?) and my bar from them and I’ve been satisfied with those buys.  So I needed a couple of side chairs for my dining room table and I went back to their showroom for a looksee.  I wasn’t looking for anything fancy and I didn’t want to spend more than necessary and I found some on display that I liked.  They were part of a five piece set (with table) on sale for $499.  I asked how much for just two chairs and was told $125 each. I’m no math wizard but that seemed unnaturally high.  Well, I guess I couldn’t expect the sale price if I wasn’t buying the set.

Anyway, I said fine, I’ll take these two.  No, I was advised, those are only for display.  We’ll have two sent over from the warehouse and you can pick them up in two days.  Ok, fine.  The deal was done and I returned on the appointed date to find a smallish box waiting for me.  “There are two chairs in that box?” I asked incredulously.  “Yes” I was told.  Which was correct as far as it goes, but the truthful answer would have been “two unassembled chairs.”  Now, if I buy cheap ass furniture from Target or Wal-Mart I expect I will have to put it together (this is especially easy to know because the display states prominently “assembly required”.  I’ve never bought crap from an actual furniture store that I had to build myself.  Which I did this afternoon.  $125 per chair and two hours of my life I’ll never get back.  That sucks.

And finally, this blog sucks.  Longtime reader(s) are doubtlessly well aware of that fact.  But I’m not talking about the writing this time.  The blog itself isn’t functioning properly.  For instance, I can’t load photos these days.  And other strange things have been occurring as well.  It just seems to be a general degradation in performance overall.  Now way back in December 2004 soon after LTG was born, I switched from Blogspot to WordPress.  And apparently I’ve never upgraded to the various iterations WordPress has gone through in the intervening years.  I’m too lazy  unqualified to do an upgrade by myself, so I opened a help ticket with my blog host BlogsAbout.com.  I was one of their earliest customers and I got lots of TLC in the beginning from the actual founder of the company.  They’ve apparently done amazingly well over the years.  And now a little guy like can’t even get a response to my pleas for help over a week later.  So, through the wonder of a Google search I’ve found another guy who says he can do the job.  All I know is that he responded within 30 minutes of my request, he did a quick looksee, and said he can fix me up for $130.  Apparently, my version of WordPress is so outdated he’ll have to go through several longish steps to get me up to speed.  Here’s hoping I’ve exhausted my quota of sucky encounters.

It occurs to me that despite not speaking the language and being generally ignorant culturally, my life in Korea is so much easier than here.  Things in Korea just don’t seem to suck nearly as much.

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Seen on facebook:
In the 1930s maverick astronomer Fritz Zwicky was passed up on being awarded the Nobel Prize for the discovery of the neutron star, even though he was the one to originally predict that there must be such a thing, apparently the astronomy community was very seclusive and elitist at the time and preferred that one of their own be recognized for this achievement rather than the one who actually discovered it.

Zwicky then published a catalog of galaxies and in the opening he described the elite of the astronomy community as “spherical bastards” because: “they are bastards any way you looked at them.”

I’d call this an *ahem* universally excellent insult…

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So, this whole NSA snooping thing has me somewhat flummoxed.  The government says the program is necessary to protect us from those that would do us harm.  Is freedom and liberty too high a price to keep us secure and safe?  So, I asked my friend Patrick whether we could trust the politicians to secretly use the information they are gathering in accordance with our Constitutional protections.  He said:

“The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be, secure, when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them.”

I said that’s a good point Patrick, but lives may be at stake here.  Shouldn’t we just go along to get along?  He was pretty adamant in his response:

“Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!”

Hard to argue with that.

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At the risk of turning this otherwise mundane and generally pointless blog you’ve come to know and expect into a worthless compilation of diet news, I can’t resist linking to this story about the latest Beverly Hills weight loss craze–the tongue patch.  The way it apparently works is they sew a plastic patch onto your tongue which makes eating solid food extremely painful.  The doctor selling this $2000 surgery reports his patients lose up to 30 pounds a month.  That’s the power of a liquid diet so he says.

Of course, my problem is I’m drinking too much liquid–mostly of the beer variety.  I’m quite certain those Korean beers I consumed in great quantity are what caused my massive weight gain to begin with (light and/or low carb beers are not commonly found and the American imports cost twice as much as the local brews).  So, the tongue patch is not really an option for me, especially given my well-developed aversion to pain.

Today I took Jee Yeun to the GNC store so she could restock her supply of fish oil.  She also bought something called Biotin, which is apparently some kind of B-vitamin supplement.  According to Jee Yeun that 100 year old woman we met (I wrote about her here) swears by the stuff.  I guess we’ll see, but I reckon it can’t hurt either.

Anyway, I browsed the store while Jee Yeun found her stuff and came across these:

By golly, “a clinically studied white kidney bean extract” that “decreases the caloric impact of carbs!”  Does it actually work?  According to Wikipedia in three double blind studies folks who used Phaseolamin lost significantly more weight than the placebo group.  Will it work for me?  I don’t see how it could hurt.  Mind you, I’m sticking with the low carbohydrate regimen but hopefully this will help counter my “liquid diet” problem.  And if it assuages the pangs of guilt when I have the occasionally slip (did you know Wendy’s is selling soft-serve ice cream in a waffle cone?) then it is worth it at twice the price.  Truthfully, the bottle only cost me 23 bucks for 120 humongous tablets, which is just about the price for two buckets of beer.  And who can put a price tag on peace of mind?

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Via Althouse comes this story about an unfortunate tweet saying fat folks should not bother applying for the PhD program since they obviously lack the self discipline necessary to complete a dissertation.  Professor Geoffrey Miller of NYU tweeted: “Dear obese PhD applicants: if you didn’t have the willpower to stop eating carbs, you won’t have the willpower to do a dissertation. #truth.”

As is wont to happen, some folks (whether fat or not) took offense to the remark.  Miller doubled down saying finishing a dissertation is “about willpower/conscientiousness, not just smarts.”   Later when the heat got too hot, he deleted the offending tweets, but the damage was done.

Now poor Dr. Miller is being accused of various and sundry crimes against nature, including being a proponent of eugenics. Even worse, he is now the target of the worst kind of retaliation–mockery!  There’s even an aptly named blog “Fuck Yeah! Fat PhDs featuring photographs of “fatalicious” PhD candidates from institutions across our great nation.

I’m personally too fat and lazy to weigh-in (ahem) on the subject, other than to say I’m glad Dr. Miller is down with the low carb regimen. Althouse gives the issue her lawyerly analysis here and here.

I will just say that my personal journey to the scales this week revealed that I’ve gained 3 pounds, putting me back up to 252.  I wasn’t totally surprised, because I had a week of some pretty hellacious beer drinking.  Beer is liquid bread after all.  And even though I confine myself to the almost tasteless low carb variety (2.6 grams of carbohydrates per 12 oz bottle), the carbs do add up.  Especially when you drink 12 beers or so in one sitting.  Hey, I had company.  A soldier friend who is getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan.  So we had much to discuss!

So, shame on me.  At least I can be thankful that I’m not pursuing a doctorate degree.  Unless they offer one in the age old art of beer guzzling.

Onward and (hopefully) downward.

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Just completed the final episode of The Big C, a Showtime series starring Laura Linney as Cathy, a 40-something wife and mother diagnosed with melanoma.  Suffice to say it didn’t end well.  Or maybe it did.  Dying is inevitable and as Cathy went through all the classic stages of the end game she demonstrated a dignity, humor, grace and finally understanding and acceptance that was quite inspiring.

Painful to watch in places, especially this last one.  Brought back some painful memories of my best friend and soulmate Linda’s passing (I wrote about her here), and the deaths of my parents as well.

Now that I’m getting on in years my own mortality looms ever larger and the uncertainty of what I might do with the time I have left sometimes seems like an unwanted passenger.  But, my life is mostly good even if the possibilities are no longer limitless.  And I’m getting much better at not dwelling on the small stuff.  Much.

Anyway, it’s a good watch if you are so inclined.

Cathy Jamison: Why can’t anything ever go the way it’s supposed to?
Lee: It did. Just didn’t go the way you wanted it to. 

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Back home from my weekend jaunt to Walt Disney World in Florida and here are some random thoughts on the experience.

I am a Disney agnostic which sets me apart from the fanatics and haters.  And me and Disney go way back.  Disneyland in California opened a month before I was born, and I grew up living less than ten miles from the park.  Back in those days you paid a small admission fee to enter the park and then paid for each ride individually.  Or you could purchase a book of ride coupons called a “Valu-Pak”.  The rides were all graded A-E, with A being the least popular (cheapest) and the best rides (Matterhorn Bobsleds, Jungle Cruise, etc.) requiring the much coveted “E ticket”.  Now, my grandma worked as a housekeeper in a motel near Disneyland and the tourists would leave unused coupons as a tip (cheap bastards) when they checked out.  Usually there were only crappy A and B tickets, but once in a while she’d bring home some books with some D’s and on a few joyous occasions we would score a magical E ticket.  So, even though we were comparatively poor I’d visit the Magic Kingdom at least a couple of times a year.  Hell, in high school Disneyland was was a great place to take your girl on a date.  There was this nice sit down restaurant (with waiters and everything) inside Pirates of the Caribbean that never failed to impress, well I was gonna say impress the pants off a virgin, but that never happened.  For me at least.  I had more success in that regard going to the beach to watch the submarine races.  But that’s another story.

Now that I’ve digressed, let me head off on a tangent.  Mr. Boothroyd was my seventh grade math teacher.  During the summers he was a “guide” on the Jungle Boat attraction at Disneyland (which he would brag about in class). For some unknown reason he disliked me.  Well, to be completely honest back in the day I could be a bit of a smartass and my mouth earned me a paddling from more than one teacher.  But it was different with Boothroyd.  He would mock and humiliate me.  We were a working class family in an upper middle class school district.  And Boothroyd would actually make fun of my clothes in front of the rest of the class.  I guess it was a tradition for him because he hated my older brother as well.  My father was in route sales back then supplying packaged foods to catering houses, including salads and desserts.  Boothroyd told my brother (again, in front of the whole class) if he didn’t study harder he’d grow up selling Jello out of a truck just like his dad.  Bastard.  To this day I can’t ride the Jungle Cruise without thinking of that prick.  Ironically, just before I entered government service I was working in route sales supplying ready-made sandwiches to convenience stores.  I did pretty well at it too.

But let’s get back to Disney World shall we?  These days you buy a park pass (about $90 per day) and all the rides are included.  The rides are mostly better and the lines longer than I remember.  In addition to the Magic Kingdom, you can visit Epcot (my personal favorite) Disney’s Hollywood Studios, and the Animal Kingdom.  These parks are surrounded by Disney owned hotels and resorts.  In fact, the whole complex at some 47 square miles is larger than San Francisco and all privately owned by the Disney company.

Now, Walt Disney was a visionary and by most accounts a truly great American.  I certainly admire him.  But the Walt Disney World we visit today is decidedly not what he had in mind.  The Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow (EPCOT) as conceived by Mr. Disney was to be a “community of the future” designed to stimulate American corporations to come up with new ideas for urban living.  In describing his city, Walt Disney is quoted as saying: “EPCOT will take its cue from the new ideas and new technologies that are emerging from the forefront of American industry. It will be a community of tomorrow that will never be completed. It will always be showcasing and testing and demonstrating new materials and new systems.”

Alas, Walt Disney died while his dream city of tomorrow was still on the drawing board.  After his death, the Disney Company scrapped his vision and went with the money making theme park/resort hotels concept.  And you really can’t argue with success, today Disney World is the world’s top tourist destination and it provides employment for over 66,000 people.

But what really prompted this overly long post is this simple fact: it works.  Although I had visited Disney World several times in the past, this was my first experience staying in a Disney resort and doing the package deal (including multi-day theme park tickets).  What impressed me was how seamlessly and smoothly the whole thing comes together.  I drove down, but if you fly in a Disney bus picks you up at the airport and delivers you to the resort, free of charge.  You don’t mess with your luggage, they bring that separately and deliver it to your room.  When you check in, you are given a “key to the world”.  Not only does this key open your room door, it serves as your ticket to all the theme parks, and allows you to charge anything you desire to purchase with a simple touch of the key (same concept as the T-money system in Korea).  That key is all you ever need during your entire visit.

Disney also provides complimentary bus service to anywhere and everywhere in the park.  The buses run on time, they are clean and comfortable, and the drivers are friendly.  Well, EVERY employee I encountered during my weekend stay was smiling and courteous without exception.  No detail goes overlooked, and it just all comes together in the most extraordinary way.

And that’s the thing.  Walt Disney World is for all intents and purposes a small city (albeit with an incredibly transient population) and they get it right in a way real cities can never seem to manage.  Why is that?   Absent evidence to the contrary, I’d say it is more proof that the private sector can do almost everything the government can do, only better.

So there you have it.  My point that is.  Which I could have made in the first two paragraphs and saved you all this pain (assuming you actually made it this far).  But what can I say, after 34 years with the federal government I even blog like a bureaucrat.

“Grandpa went to Disney World and all I got were these crappy Mickey Mouse ears”

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What an exciting end to the day!  After a full day at Epcot we took a nap and then drove out to Downtown Disney to check out the nightlife.  Not having much life (night or otherwise) left in my tired legs we didn’t stay long.  Re-entering the resort I had to show my Disney ID, which involved taking out my wallet.  When we got back to the room I was without said wallet.  We searched the car top to bottom and front to back.  Retraced our steps from the parking lot back to the room.  Even rummaged through the garbage can where we had deposited the trash from the car.  No luck.  So, I was facing the prospect of being hundreds of miles from home with no cash, no credit cards, and no ID.  Ah well, nothing to be done but start the process of canceling my check and credit cards.  While I was doing that, Jee Yeun made one more trip down to the car.  As I finished the last card Jee Yeun returned with the astonishing news that she had found the wallet.  Wedged between the door and the seat on the driver’s side (so the whole fiasco is on me!).  I happily called the bank with the good news and now I am once again golden.  I guess they don’t call it the Magic Kingdom for nothing!

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Yesterday I experienced a first (and how often does that happen at my age?) when I sat and chatted with a 100 year old woman.  We even had something in common having both worked for the federal government.  Although she worked for FDR in 1932.  She was still sharp and witty and engaged and it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

I’m reminded of the reporter who was interviewing an local man on the occasion of his 100th birthday.  “To what do you attribute your long life?” asked the intrepid young reporter.  The old man didn’t hesitate in replying “Primarily to the fact that I haven’t died yet.”

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…and he better hope he stays there.  Because when I read this I immediately thought of just one person:

“Who is so devoted to the park, and to the rules of grammar, that he or she would break the law to correct these mistakes?” 

Now, it could be that the Big Hominid is innocent of these crimes.  He’s never blogged about being in Brooklyn. But then again, he wouldn’t be likely to place himself in the vicinity of the illicit activities, would he?  I suppose it’s just as likely the perpetrator was some fellow traveler, taking his or her inspiration from the King of the Grammar Nazis.  Or perhaps the “mad marker” was hoping to curry favor with the intrepid Mr. Kim.

Innocent or not, I am quite certain that the hominid known as Kevin would agree that poor grammar should, nay must, be corrected whenever and wherever it is discovered.  And that makes him guilty by association in my book!

Having said that, if the Brooklyn grammar vigilante turns out to be female (especially one with a round American butt) a romance made in heaven may be in the offing.  It’s not everyday you find a soul mate in this world of forgotten grammatical correctness, hackneyed word-smithing, and generally sloppy, lazy and ignorant writing.  Hey, I think that’s just about a perfect description of this here blog.

Cheers!
 

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Scott Johnson from the PowerLine blog offers up his experience following the Taubes low carb/high fat diet.

Unlike Mr. Johnson, I’m still craving the sweets.   It is almost painful to walk sadly past the ice cream, pies, cakes and cookies at my neighborhood Publix supermarket.  I’m resisting the urge, but not liking the self-denial.  Tonight I had two small bites of my granddaughter’s birthday cake.  It’s practically unAmerican  I tell ya.

On a lighter note, Johnson links to this clip from the Woody Allen classic film Sleeper.  I wish, I wish, I wish!

Update: Geez, even Barney Fife knew about carbohydrates in 1964!  No wonder he was so frickin’ skinny.

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I generally don’t open email from people I don’t know.  If unsure, I sometimes will check the full email address of the sender which is normally a dead giveaway for spammers.  This one was just your standard gmail account, so I opened it.  This is what it said:

“Hello, There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.

Sorry to bother you with this message, I came across your summary, while searching for an old colleague of mine and decided to send a message to you.”

I can’t figure out what the purpose or benefit derived by the sender in putting this message in my inbox.  None of my virus alarms went off when I opened the email.  Obviously, I won’t be so foolhardy as to respond.

Lots of excitement and intrigue in my life, wouldn’t you say?

Addenda Addendum:  This sentence is problematic: “I can’t figure out what the purpose or benefit derived by the sender in putting this message in my inbox.”  I know it needs a “was” or something, or maybe trying to get purpose and benefit in the same line was too much.  Anyway, I could and probably should fix it, but believe it or not this was the simpler course of action.  I only have one reader who will care (truth be told, I may only have one reader period), and it’s good to tweak him with bad grammar and/or poorly crafted sentences now and again.

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My name has been misspelled many times and in many ways over the years.  But never quite like this.

When I first saw it I thought it read John McCarby.  Does hunger affect reading comprehension?

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I had so much fun completing all the paperwork for Jee Yeun’s fiancee visa.  Now my Uncle Sam has generously allowed me to complete essentially the same documents for the permanent residency process.  And all it’s costing me is a piddlin’ $1070.00!  Is this a great country or what?

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Alright, so it appears the Boston bombers were Muslims from Chechnya.

I want to say this here and now so there will be no misunderstanding. I don’t know a lot of Muslims, but the ones I have met personally have all been good people and I have absolutely no doubt or concern that they are somehow “different” or more dangerous than anyone else you might encounter in this messed up world in which we live. I expect some ignorant commentator somewhere will say something stupid that lumps all people of the Muslim faith in with the sick few who engage in acts of terrorism. The vast majority of Muslims are peace loving and almost all Americans recognize this fact.

I completely understand the outrage my Muslim friends must feel when they are judged based on the actions of a few or when it seems it is their religious beliefs that are under attack. Having said that, I’ve never understood why there is not similar outrage against those of their faith whose actions are clearly contrary to the teachings of the Prophet. I don’t think terrorism can or ever will be eradicated by warfare and drone strikes alone. Perhaps I’m naive, but I believe the Muslim community must take a clear and unequivocal stand that they will not tolerate acts of violence in the name of Islam.

I also anticipate that we’ll be hearing from the moral equivalence crowd saying the USA has killed more innocents than all the terrorists acts combined. Spare me. It is indeed an unfortunate fact that in war non-combatants suffer greatly. We all grieve when the women and children the cowardly terrorists surround themselves with become victims. But unless and until Americans start planting IEDs in public places or fly planes into office buildings, your comparisons are complete and utter bullshit.

In a kill or be killed world, we are going to continue to take out the bad guys whenever and wherever we find them. It’s a war on terrorists, not Muslims.

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Everything.  Well, everything is not on except Comedy Central.

Alright, truth be told I don’t watch much television.  I have a few shows I like (Game of Thrones, Shameless, and such) which I normally record on the DVR and watch when the mood strikes me.  It’s been about a week I guess (Jee Yeun’s kids have been watching Korean dramas on Netflix), and I wanted to see the latest episode of GoT.   When I turned on the DirectTV box, I got this message that the receiver was overheating and to wait.  So, I just unplugged it and waited.  When I turned it back on the only channel that worked was the aforementioned Comedy Central.

I’m pretty much a techno peasant, so I called DirectTV’s customer service department.  Geez, navigating the maze of recorded options was disconcerting.  Hell, that damn robotic voice and I got into a bit of an argument.  Me: I want to talk to a human being.  Her: I don’t understand what you are saying.  Me:  A service rep.  Her:  I still don’t understand.  Select an option on your keypad.  Me:  There is no option I want, other than to talk to someone who actually breathes.  Her:  I’m sorry, I don’t understand your request.  After awhile we both got frustrated and the robot woman transferred me to her human overseer.

The friendly and breathing woman in tech support began by thanking me for being a loyal customer of DirectTV since 2011.  Then she asked what was the problem?  I told her my satellite was not working.  So, she walked me through a diagnostic procedure on the receiver, at the end of which it advised that my receiver was not receiving a signal.  Yep, that much I knew.  The friendly human said the dish could be out of alignment or there could be something wrong with the receiver.   Alright then, what’s the fix?  She said they’d have to send a technician out to have a look.  For $29.95!

I told her let’s get this straight.  I’m paying you guys over a hundred bucks a month for 300 channels I rarely watch.  And when I want to watch one and can’t, you are going to charge me an additional 30 dollars to fix it?  She said it’s normally $49.95 for a service call, but because I’m such a loyal customer I was getting a discount.  Hmm.  It felt more like a good rogering.  So, I said I have a better idea, why don’t you transfer me to the department where I cancel my DirectTV service?  She obliged.

Shortly thereafter I was connected with Ron in customer service.  He began by thanking me for being a loyal customer since 2011 and asked how he could help.  I responded that I wanted to cease being a loyal customer effective immediately.  He sounded somewhat taken aback and asked why I wanted to do such a thing.  I explained that I was paying for TV I couldn’t watch and wasn’t willing to pay an additional fee to get what I was paying for already.  He then went into this long drawn out story about how leasing the DirectTV receiver was just like leasing a car.  He concluded by asking “now, you don’t expect the car dealer to provide free repairs and maintenance on the leased car do you?”

I was momentarily dumbfounded.  I wasn’t seeking to get a free oil change for my satellite receiver.  I’ve never leased a car, but when I buy one it comes with a warranty.  So, if the engine blows up after two years I expect it will be fixed for free.  Several pithy and unfriendly things to say to Ron crossed my mind, but he seemed like a nice enough fella so I just said “let’s just cancel the service.”  Ron wasn’t having any of that.  He suggested I buy a service plan that would cover problems like this for only five dollars a month.  Which means if I had another problem within six months, I’d be golden.  That didn’t strike me as a good value so I declined.  He reminded me that the service call had already been reduced from the normal $49.95 based on my loyalty, but I just wasn’t buying it.

“Here’s the thing, Ron” I told him “You guys aren’t the only game in town.  AT&T is always knocking at my door trying to get me on board with their TV service.  How about you just cancel my account and I’ll get some brand new equipment from them?”    Well, then Ron went on and on about how much better DirectTV was than AT&T–more channels, more HD, more everything!  I told him that other than HBO and Showtime I get just about everything I want to see on Netflix anyway.  “Netflix!” he almost shouted “Why do you have Nexflix? We’ve got everything Netflix has!”  Well, except for the Korean dramas.  Always the salesman, Ron said we have an international satellite service too.  Well, yeah.  But it requires putting another dish on the roof and an additional sixty bucks a month.  No thanks.

Admitting defeat, Ron finally said that he would waive the service call fee.  So, they’ll be out tomorrow to fix whatever is troubling my television reception.  Poor guy.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’d be cancelling anyway prior to my return to Korea in August.  I had to respect his moxie.  I guess that’s why I’m such a good and loyal customer.

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I pretty much starved myself today.  Not really by choice, just got busy with stuff and since snacking is such a hassle in the LCHF lifestyle…well actually that’s not it.  I’m just pretty bored with what I can eat that I don’t enjoy it enough to be bothered.  I had a few celery stalks with peanut butter for breakfast and nibbled on some nuts in the afternoon.  And then I got hungry.

So, I looked in the cabinet and what did I see but some walnut brownie mix (purchased late last year pre-diet).  Just because I’m doomed to a life of blandness doesn’t mean everyone around me has to suffer, right?  Ah, they surely did smell good in the oven.  I’m told they tasted real fine as well.

Then I took some New York strip steaks out of the freezer (I can’t afford rib-eyes anymore!) and drenched them is some Lawry’s herb and garlic marinade.  Popped some sweet taters in the oven, and boiled up some corn-on-the-cob.  And then baked a loaf of garlic bread too (ok, it was one of those frozen ones).   I put some burgers on the grill with the steaks so I could enjoy a meatier breakfast tomorrow.

My timing wasn’t perfect, the burgers were closer to charcoaled than charbroiled.   But the steaks were nice and medium, just the way my Korean family prefers them.  The potatoes were baked to a gooey softness, the corn sweet, and the bread crispy.

So yeah, I went a little off plan tonight, diet wise.  Had half a small sweet potato (with a glob of real butter and a sprinkle of cinnamon), a crust of garlic bread, but I passed on a taste of the brownie dessert fearing I’d not be able to stop myself.  I’m pleased to report my hunger is now pretty much satiated.  Although writing about what I ate does kind of work up a bit of an appetite.  Hmmm.

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…Virginia Beach to be precise.

Here for a rather large annual dart tournament, the aptly named Virginia Beach Dart Classic.  An interesting ride getting out here.  From an amazing sunrise in South Carolina to a surprising heavy snowstorm in Virginia.  The sun was quite beautiful until it began frying my retinas.  Driving blind is not as much fun as it sounds.  It’s 36 degrees Fahrenheit, so at least the snow wasn’t sticking.  There is, however, an icy wind a blowing that makes standing on the 6th floor balcony quite painful.

Oh, the reason I was up before the sun this morning was to make the 6 hour drive and arrive in time for the two o’clock start of the Pro Cricket qualifying event.  Having arrived at just prior to one, I was feeling rather pleased with myself.  Right up until I noticed the start time is four o’clock.  Duh!  In my defense, the actual Pro Cricket event does start at two tomorrow.  So you can see how I might have been confused.

Speaking of Pros, I see from the sign-up list that some of the top darters in the country have turned out.  That should make the punishment that will shortly be coming my way all the more delicious.

Ah well, there’s always the view…

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So last night I drive out to Aiken, SC for a darts tourney.  It takes about an hour and 15 minutes to get to the VFW post which serves as the venue.  I’ve driven it two or three times before, but not since last September.  And never on a dark, rainy, foggy night.

There are two ways to go–one through Aiken with multiple traffic signals, and the back way down narrow country roads.  I prefer the back way.  There are a couple of turns you have to make, but I figured with my trusty Garmin GPS navigation system I was golden.  Except my Garmin was non-functioning due to a missing power cable (my son had borrowed it and apparently returned it with the wrong cable).  Alright, no worries I figured, I can remember the way.

And I did remember, for the most part.  I made all the right turns except the last one.  Of course I didn’t realize the error of my ways until I was 15 minutes down the wrong road.  And I had about 15 minutes to get to the tourney, so there was no turning back.  I reckoned I was going in generally the correct direction, but given the twisting, turning nature of the highway I couldn’t be sure.  I realized that I had made the turn too soon, but calculated this road could potentially drop me in the vicinity of my destination, albeit further up the street.

So I kept driving and driving.  It was, ahem, black as night and I couldn’t see much except the occasional ramshackle farm house.  I could almost swear I heard faint echos of dueling banjos playing in the distance.  I was seemingly the only car on this road to nowhere and there was nary a gas station or convenience store in sight.  Not that I would have stopped and asked for directions mind you.

Eventually I came to a fork in the road, so I took it.  I hoped that bearing right was the correct choice, but at this point I was pretty much without a clue.  Then I came to an intersection and chose to go west.  It was a pretty major highway and I figured it had to lead somewhere.  Although when I saw a sign for the University of Georgia conference center I was more than a little concerned.  Well, turns out I wasn’t in Georgia but I was still pretty far from where I was supposed to be and still wasn’t clear on just how to get there.  So, I figured the tourney wasn’t going to be happening for me despite my best efforts.

After awhile things seemed more familiar and sure enough I spied the road to the VFW on the left (it should have been on the right).  I figured they’d already completed the draw, but they were sitting on 33 players, so I was the odd man in!

Played the tourney, took a fourth place (which isn’t bad considering how out of sorts I was upon arrival).  We finished after midnight, but I braved “the back way” for the return trip.  I saw where I had gone wrong (turned one road too soon, but that made all the difference).  Made it to I-20 and had the highway pretty much to myself.  It was raining like crazy though and I remembered the Big Hominid doing a crash and burn due to hydroplaning, so I slowed down to the speed limit.

Made it home by 1:30, tired and hungry.  Now, in the olden days I would have fixed myself a big bowl of ice cream but sadly those days are in my past.  Instead, I took out some cook and serve roast beef slices from the freezer and popped them in the microwave.  The instructions clearly state to let the package stand for two minutes after cooking.  I was hungry so the hell with that!  Wound up with two big steam blisters on my left hand.  Hurt like a motherfucker all night.  At least it wasn’t my dart throwing hand.

I’m back to Aiken this morning to play in a qualifying tourney for the Regionals in Augusta next weekend.  I’ll have to throw better than I did last night, that’s for sure.   But, by gawd, I know my way to the VFW now.  Even in daylight!

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