No walking, no bike riding. Here’s what I did instead:
Might have overdid it a tad, but it was fun. Nice change of pace.
No walking, no bike riding. Here’s what I did instead:
Might have overdid it a tad, but it was fun. Nice change of pace.
Lord knows over the course of a lifetime I’ve both been locked up in friend zone jail and done the incarceration. I understand the frustration and disappointment that goes along with unrequited emotional attachments. But, there are worse things. Honestly speaking, in this case it was almost a relief. I’ve been down that road too many times to think it will lead to anywhere other than a dead end.
I’m not going to love or be loved, notwithstanding the occasional weak moment of temptation. The fact of the matter is that I do get lonely and I do crave companionship. And yes, I wouldn’t mind getting laid now and then. Friends with benefits would work just fine, but alas there are no prospects on the horizon.
Seven months left in Korea. Ten days until my next visit to the Philippines. I’ll get by I reckon.
In other news, these three stories were listed in order on Drudge yesterday:
Walking to work staves off death. Okay, I do that just about everyday. I should be good to go, but…
Loneliness is as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Good thing I’m into vaping now!
And finally the secret to happiness is revealed: Sex and Sleep are the keys to happiness. Well damn, I’m so horny I can’t sleep. I’m not happy about that. I’d say I’m screwed but I’m not.
At least I have the friend zone.
I hope the day will be a lighter highway
For friends are found on every road
Can you ever think of any better way
For the lost and weary travelers to go?
Making friends for the world to see
Let the people know you got what you need
With a friend at hand you will see the light
If your friends are there, then everything’s all right
Walking home from the office today:
And courtesy of Facebook, me two years ago today:
And yeah, this is me too:
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine, I keep my eyes wide open all the time…
Well, I see it has been a week since my last post. Regular readers have probably discerned that I must be in one of my moods. Yeah, I’m in a funk but don’t worry, I’m not going to go there. Much.
Let’s just say that I continue to struggle with the emptiness that is my life. I won’t allow anyone to fill that void with love (and yes, the opportunity has presented itself) and so I have to fight to keep the sadness at bay. Some days are worse than others in that regard, but I know I’ve been blessed in so many ways that I don’t let myself sink too deeply into despair and self-pity. I have the power to change my life but for whatever reason I seem incapable of doing so. So far at least.
Okay, enough of that! I continue with my WWBD (work, walk, bike, drink) lifestyle. Work is work but it at least provides some purpose. Walking gives me lots of time to think, but that’s not always a good thing. Biking is something to fill some weekend daytime hours. And lately, drinking is what I do best. Every fucking night of the week (but only to excess on the weekend). But hey, it’s what passes as my social life.
Well, I’m a bar stool genius – I can solve the world’s problems
Without even trying
I have dozens of friends and the fun never ends
That is, as long as I’m buying
Who knew I’d be living the lyrics to an old Styx song?
Hey don’t go! I’ve got pictures!
It’s not the life I chose nor the life I wanted, but it is most assuredly the life I have. And I can live with that.
One morning I woke up and I knew you were really gone
A new day, a new way, and new eyes to see the dawn
Go your way, I’ll go mine and carry on
Ah well, fatter and happier versus a less fat lonely wretch. You don’t get to choose, you just learn to deal with it. More or less.
It’s only time.
I unilaterally ended my boycott of IDK bar last night. Regular readers may recall that three months ago the bar added drinks to my bar tab without permission. Sadly enough, IDK is the only bar in town with dart tourney. During my exile I had simply quit playing darts, but I’ve decided I need to get off my lazy ass and start throwing again. I mean, if I’m going to be in a bar drinking, I want to do it productively.
Anyway, I played the tourney last night. I paid for my drinks as I ordered them thus avoiding the bar tab scam.
Today I took a walk, took a nap, then took a bike ride. Did laundry then took another walk. In the meantime my crock pot was cooking up a nice juicy pulled pork barbecue.
And that’s all I got folks.
There are plenty of things to see and do in this world. Sadly, not so much in Anjeong-ri. Still, you do the best you can with what you got, right?
I’ve been eating good though…
Another day in the life out here in the countryside.
Some of you may remember the movie Pay it Forward. I got to thinking about it the other day while walking. The basic premise is that when someone does you a favor, rather than pay it back you pass it along by doing someone else a favor. It’s actually a pretty sweet concept.
Well, I’m a notoriously selfish bastard (just ask my ex-wives). But that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of performing a good deed now and again. And sometimes through an otherwise selfish act you can end up unintentionally helping folks out.
For example, I’ve mentioned in passing the woman I’ve employed in the Philippines to be my personal assistant/caregiver once I retire there. Obviously that has not happened yet, although Loraine does serve as my tour guide when I visit in the interim. While I’m not there I’ve been sending her to school to learn the skills (massage and caregiving) that will hopefully make my retired years more comfortable and lengthy.
Now, I didn’t have to employ someone months before I retire but Loraine seemed like a good fit for the job and she needed the income. I guess you could characterize that as an act of generosity (charitably speaking), but also a clearly selfish motivation on my part (didn’t want someone else to hire her before I arrived). And she’s doing good stuff for me, like keeping track of my blood pressure (I send her the readings each morning), scouring the internet for articles that pertain to whatever I may be complaining about at any given time, and being an understanding ear when I need one. So far I’d say it’s a win-win.
Loraine is a smart gal who’s never really had the opportunity to pursue formal education. She’s spent her adult life working in mostly menial jobs to support her family. These often required her to toil long hours in far away countries (Hong Kong, the Middle East, Vietnam). I certainly respect that like so many Filipinos she sacrificed and did what was necessary to survive. So it has been especially satisfying for me to see how dedicated she has been to taking full advantage of the opportunity to learn new skills. She has this thirst for knowledge that is quite impressive. With my luck she will use her training to get a better job, but I’ll still be proud of her for making the effort.
But here is the point of this post (yes, there is one!). As part of her caregiver on-the-job training she has been working long shifts at a school for special needs children. Some have physical disabilities, others have emotional and learning disorders. It’s been a real challenge for her in many ways, but she has risen to that challenge. She’s been going above and beyond the program requirements, spending her own time and money to prepare visual and other learning aids for the kids. She told me about one malnourished child who never has food at break time, so she shares hers. Most of all she feels satisfaction with knowing she is making a difference for these kids by being there. And she says that would not have been possible if I hadn’t put her in the program.
So, she is paying the opportunity forward. And if in some small way my selfish act in hiring her has facilitated that, well hell yeah, I’ll share in the joy. I’m already thinking that when I retire I may have her do volunteer work at a school or nursing home as part of her job. Heh. Hiring folks to do the charity work on my behalf seems to suit my nature, don’t you think?
The long weekend is over.
Yesterday I did a cookout in honor of the newlyweds, Sonya and Joey.
And then the party started and I totally forget about taking pics. Anyway, we had shrimp (with cocktail sauce), celery, carrots, and potato chips (with ranch dressing) and nuts for appetizers. Garlic bread, corn on the cob, asparagus, and baked potato to go with the steaks. Also had some BBQ spare ribs. Way too much food!
Anyway, it was a good time. Oh, we did a little drinking too!
Today I got up and as is my wont when I don’t have to work, I took a bike ride on the river.
Apparently that brand spanking new bridge had a collapse issue. Oh well.
I managed 23,000+ steps on my afternoon walk. And best of all, I finally found love!
And that’s about it for this drunken weekend. Back at it tomorrow though!
Courtesy of Facebook comes this photo from August 29, 2010.
Though half a score of years are gone,
Spring comes as sharply now as then—
But if we had it all to do
It would be done the same again.
It was a spring that never came;
But we have lived enough to know
That what we never have, remains;
It is the things we have that go.”
Heartbreaking news from South Carolina. Christopher Werner II, aka “Fooey” and “Mini-me” passed away today. He was in middle school, witty and sweet, and born with a bad heart. I understand that during a routine check-up procedure he succumbed.
His mother Bridget loved him dearly and she died last year at age 49. I wrote about her here.
I’m not religious but if there is a heaven it is comforting to think that they have now been reunited.
My heart goes out to his daddy Chris. I cannot even begin to fathom what he is going through now. I hope he finds the strength to persevere through such a devastating loss.
Rest in peace, Christopher. You were an amazing young man and will not be forgotten.
“Age has no reality except in the physical world. The essence of a human being is resistant to the passage of time. Our inner lives are eternal, which is to say that our spirits remain as youthful and vigorous as when we were in full bloom. Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the alpha and omega. An end in itself.”
― Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera
Well, another journey around the sun has been completed. And man am I tired.
Honestly, it’s a struggle. I’m stuck somewhere between being unhappy and being depressed. Today was not one of the good days, but I’ll keep on fighting regardless.
I’m not sure why I just can’t seem to embrace acceptance of what my life has become. When I look around me I can see that I have it better than many folks. I’m grateful for my blessings, and regretful for the things I’ve lost. Perhaps most significantly, the capacity to love. A couple painful reminders of that this weekend have thrown me off my stride.
Oh well. I can always hope for competency,
This too shall pass.
A really nice day here for a change. Perfect day for a ride on the river. Don’t believe me? I’ve got pictures to prove it!
And now it’s another Saturday night.
Another Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody
I got some money ’cause i just got paid
How I wish I had someone to talk to
I’m in an awful way
…it’s what you didn’t say.
Well, let me say this–I’m cruising through a rain soaked week but I don’t have much to complain or blog about. Not that that will stop me!
Speaking of relationships, I recently heard that a couple of my friends are getting a divorce. I hope it is not true and/or they patch things up. They are both cool people and I thought they made a fine couple. Having said that, I took the news as affirmation of my belief that love is a sucker’s bet. I actually recall when I attended their wedding (last summer!) and watched them making their vows to one another thinking “yeah, I’ve heard that before”, Anyway, love should be for more than the happy times. Otherwise it is meaningless. Least that’s how I see it.
No one belongs where they’re not wanted
You’re just a ghost, and my heart is haunted
When I said goodbye, you didn’t even beg me to stay
It wasn’t what you said, it’s what you didn’t say
No baby, it wasn’t what you said, it’s what you didn’t say
Time for another installment in the fascinating journey of my so-called life.
Well, I reckon it can be summed up as WWBD. Working, Walking, Biking, Drinking. I suppose it could be worse.
Work is work. My Deputy has been on leave for the past three weeks which means I am staying somewhat more active than usual. Even had a couple of days of coming in early and leaving late. I expect things will quiet down for us during the annual Ulchi Freedom Guardian (UFG) military exercise. It starts today and runs for the next two weeks. I have no part to play which is a good thing because I’m not subject to General Order #1 (forbidding consumption of alcohol during the exercise among other things). Anyway, things are good with the Army. We are ready to “fight tonight” if need be, but I expect Mr. Kim will not be so foolish as to test our resolve and readiness.
I’ve been working on the walking and making some progress in re-losing the weight I gained when I was sick. Although technically I’m still sick I suppose (COPD doesn’t go away, best you can hope for is that it doesn’t get worse). The meds are controlling the symptoms though and I’m feeling pretty good for an old fucker. I hope to keep it that way!
Weather wasn’t that great this weekend but I did manage to get in a couple of nice bike rides between rain storms.
And so that leaves the drinking aspect of my life. I do that every night. I consider it self medicating for my physic pain. Not sure that it helps all that much, but I do seem to be getting a good night sleep lately.
So, as I mentioned above with the exercise ongoing for the next two weeks the bars will be even lonelier than normal. I’m guessing some won’t even bother opening. On the other hand, I stand to be the youngest customer in some. I’ll probably even be more popular than normal with the bar staff. We shall see.
What with civil war fixing to break out any day now back in the USA, I’m wanting to get me one of these.
And finally, it seems Facebook is fucking with my mind lately. It has this feature where it shares a memory from the same day in the past. Yesterday I got this:
Today featured a 2011 post commemorating my proposal of marriage to Jee Yeun and her acceptance. That certainly didn’t go as planned.
Anyway, it hurts to be reminded sometimes. I constantly reassure myself though that there are worse things than being lonely.
There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all
Which is French for “random shit I posted on Facebook this week”.
And that’s about it from here for now.
Whatever gets you through the day. 2.5 hours on the bike and another 2.5 spent walking. Lots of time to think, although in my case that’s not necessarily a good thing.
Another drunken Saturday night in the Ville. Not to worry, I confine my drinking to days that end in a “y”.
Ah well, life goes on. And on.
On and on
I just keep on trying
And I smile when I feel like dying
On and on
On and on
On and on
Ah geez, been too long since my last post, hasn’t it? Let’s ketchup.
Well, there is work* and it seems to be going pretty well overall. I’m blessed with an outstanding staff of professionals who work hard and seem to enjoy their jobs. I’m fortunate to not have to deal with “people issues”. I treat them right and they respond accordingly. That’s just simple management 101, I’m no genius.
But having said that, I reckon I’m doing pretty good at what little I do do. No shit! People come to us for answers and solutions and we provide them. We’ve filled some voids for the command and I do believe the leadership appreciates our contributions. I take a lot of pride in that.
Our new building is a bit of a pain in the ass. The biggest adjustment for most of us has been getting used to the prohibition on electronic devices in the building. That means no cell phones and no Fitbit! God knows I hate losing all the ancillary steps that aren’t recorded during the day. My poor Fitbit is confused about being locked up at the front entrance and accuses me of taking a nap during the day. Oh well, these days we all have to be cognizant of OPSEC (operational security) and do our part.
Several of my folks have not physically moved to Pyeongtaek as yet and that commute from Seoul is a killer. For now at least I’m allowing them to telework 2 days a week, so that helps relieve some of the burden I suppose. Anyway, we’ll all adjust.
So you may be asking yourself “I thought he was planning on retiring in September?” I was. And I still am in the not too distant future. I’m just going to be flexible in my planning. As mentioned above I do derive some satisfaction from working and damn, it is hard to walk away from my ridiculous salary and my ridiculously big and paid for house. I’ve got a goal on how much money I want to have in the bank when I hang it up and I’m making steady progress towards achieving that goal. Meantime, I’m just going to enjoy the ride and try to decide what my “purpose” will be in life once I retire. So far the best I’ve come up with is enjoying bay views while I watch the world go on without me. We’ll see.
What else? Well, I’ve had some visitors which is nice. Joey and Sonja (the newly engaged couple I wrote about here) have moved to Pyeongtaek. In fact, they wound up renting a place just about across the street from me. Heh, it’s a small town! We enjoyed a grilled meat dinner and then I took them on a tour of my favorite bars. That was a great time. Last night Jessie, one of my old time Seoul friends, was in town on Army business and he got to enjoy my upstairs guest room. We had some beers out on the town to facilitate a good night’s sleep of course.
What about my love life?
Tensions are higher than I’ve ever seen here on the peninsula. But we’re pulling out our big guns…
I’d still rather be here than in the USA. Much easier to avoid the silly PC social justice warriors. I have zero tolerance for that bullshit.
* The views expressed here at LTG are my own and are written on my own time and dime. My opinions are not sanctioned or endorsed by my employer and do not necessarily reflect the positions of the United States Government. What are the odds?