A pun time was had by all

Assuming you like this sort of thing.  I do.  Sue me.

1.    The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2.    I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3.    She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4.    A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5.    The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6.    No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

  7.    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8.    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9.    Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 10.    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 11.    A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

 12.    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 13.    Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

 14.    I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 15.    A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

 16.    A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

 17.    A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 18.    The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 19.    The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 20.    A backward poet writes inverse.

 21.    In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

 22.    When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 23.    Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

 

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