Ok, so maybe the banging of drums and rattling of sabres is nothing to take lightly.  War is hell and lives are at stake and all that.  Still, for sheer audacity and rhetorical flourish, you have to give the Gold to the NORKs.           

Here’s the official response from the Korean People’s Army (KPA) to the sanctions imposed by South Korean President Lee:

Important notice from the Korean People’s Army [KPA] General Staff: “Shall Smash, Without Mercy, ‘Countermeasures Against the North’ the Traitorous Gang Brought Forth”:

 

In a so-called “address to the people” on 24 May, traitor Lee Myung-bak declared all-out anti-Republic confrontation as a “national policy.” Then, top-level servant bastards of the puppet Ministries of National Defense, Unification, and Foreign Affairs and Trade unanimously began clinging to the realization of an already concocted manuscript of confrontation with fellow countrymen.

 

Such moves by the traitorous gang are acts of complete abrogation of the historic 15 June Joint Declaration, a joint achievement of the nation, and its practical program, the 4 October Declaration, and specially gross criminal acts of driving North-South relations into a state of war.

 

Inasmuch as the traitorous gang has dared to start making a clumsy fire of all-out confrontation against us, the KPA General Staff solemnly notifies that our revolutionary armed forces’ actual important measures  will be taken in response.

 

1. With respect to North-South cooperation and exchange, we will completely withdraw all military assurance measures that our army is supposed to implement.

 

For the present, we will begin reviewing closing the military communications liaison offices in the East and West Sea [Sea of Japan and Yellow Sea] Districts and completely cutting off overland passage related to the Kaeso’ng Industrial Complex.

 

2. Regarding the anti-Republic psychological warfare maneuvers the puppet military is attempting to resume, we will respond mercilessly across the entire front, as the commander of our army front’s central zone has already warned the enemy side.

 

3. [We] will completely nullify the bilateral agreement that was concluded to prevent a contingent clash in the West Sea of Korea.  In connection with this, [we] will completely stop using international maritime ultra-short wave walkie-talkies and will immediately cut off the communication line that was opened to handle an emergency situation.

 

4. An immediate physical strike will be inflicted upon an act of violating our side’s maritime demarcation line in the West Sea of Korea.

 

5. [We] will completely disallow the passage of the traitor gang’s naval vessels, aircraft, and other means of mobility through our territorial waters, territorial air, and territorial land.

 

6. We will strictly ban the traitorous group, including the puppet authorities, from coming in and out of the premises [kyo’ngnae] of our Republic.

 

7.  We will disclose to the end the identity of “the fabricated act” and “the smear act” as long as the act of blocking our National Defense Commission [NDC]’s inspection team continues.

 

The aforementioned measures are our revolutionary armed force’s first-stage response to the reckless anti-Republic confrontational maneuver of the traitorous gang who are confrontational fanatics and flunkeys nation-sellers.

The traitorous gang will fully realize how big a price they will pay for the consequence for having driven the 15 June Joint Declaration and 4 October Declaration to a complete rupture.